| Funeral plans 08:56 - Nov 24 with 3656 views | Konk |
Following on from Boston’s thread about how you would like to die, I got thinking about my funeral arrangements.
I would like to be transported from home by cargo bike, with my coffin propped up at 45 degrees. One last bike ride. The undertaker and I will be dressed in Classic black Rapha cycling jersey, bib shorts and cycling cap with the trademark white stripe in reference to both the tragedy of my death (black) and my enduring love of Fulham (black and white). In the style of motorcycle gang funerals, we will be escorted through the streets of London by a grieving peloton of former Grand tour winners and World champions. On route to the funeral, we will make a slight detour to Paul Smith’s studio on Floral Street, where I will be changed from my cycling gear into a Navy suit, white shirt, Navy tie and black shoes, with pants and socks to be chosen by Paul, himself.
We will then proceed to Westminster Abbey, where friends from the world of showbiz, politics and the Royal family will be allocated five minute slots to deliver their eulogies. Tears and wobbly lips will be mandatory.
From there, my coffin will be carried shoulder high by celebrity pall bearers down to the Thames, where I will be transferred to a full size replica Viking Long ship. We will make our way steadily down the river to the Cottage, at which point, the Long ship will be transferred by crane over the Riverside stand and lowered onto the centre circle.
This part of the day will be open to members of the general public wishing to pay their respects, as well as overseas heads of state and Fulham legends, but it is my dying wish that John Terry and Dennis Wise be violently turned away, should they try and join the celebration of my life. We will borrow the Olympic flame thing they used at the London Olympics to light flaming torches, Big Dan Burn will step forward and throw the first torch onto the Long Ship. Other Fulham legends such a Roy & Ray, Micky Adams and Fabrice Fernandes will join him. This bit will be accompanied by Elton John playing “Candle in the wind” on the piano whilst suspended from a crane in the big Perspex box that David Blaine had down by the London Assembly. It will hopefully be dark at this point and thus more dramatic.
Once I’ve gone up in flames, the grieving masses will be invited to join family and friends at the Chancellors in Hammersmith, where there will be £500 behind the bar, a bit of a spread, Horse racing on the telly and Chas & Dave on the sound system. It should be a good day.
What have you got planned for your send-off?
|  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
| |  |
| Funeral plans on 09:21 - Nov 24 with 3619 views | Tonto |
haven't got as far as the arrangements, but was thinking of using Biffy Clyro's "who's got a match" to be played as the doors to the crem open...
I'm a fire and I burn burn burn tonight... |  |
| |
| Funeral plans on 09:57 - Nov 24 with 3586 views | isawqpratwcity |
Not interested in ceremonies, flash coffins or post-mortem real estate.
Just tip my ashes on the bit of garden where I buried most of my dogs. |  |
| |
| Funeral plans on 12:19 - Nov 24 with 3492 views | TacticalR |
Thought you would want to be buried in your red trousers Konk. |  |
| |
| Funeral plans on 12:48 - Nov 24 with 3453 views | Konk |
| Funeral plans on 12:19 - Nov 24 by TacticalR |
Thought you would want to be buried in your red trousers Konk. |
I’m like the Pharaohs — I’m taking the staff with me. I’m gonna have my Butler bound to the ironing board by Red chinos and placed in the Long ship alongside my coffin. [Post edited 24 Nov 2016 12:50]
| |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
| |
| Funeral plans on 12:59 - Nov 24 with 3427 views | TacticalR |
| Funeral plans on 12:48 - Nov 24 by Konk |
I’m like the Pharaohs — I’m taking the staff with me. I’m gonna have my Butler bound to the ironing board by Red chinos and placed in the Long ship alongside my coffin. [Post edited 24 Nov 2016 12:50]
|
That makes sense. It's always good to have a spare pair in the afterlife. | |
| |
| Funeral plans on 13:01 - Nov 24 with 3423 views | JAPRANGERS |
Me, I'd like to be buried deeply into Anna Torv.
Fukcing gorgeous woman
  |  | | |
| Funeral plans on 13:04 - Nov 24 with 3406 views | hopphoops |
| Funeral plans on 12:48 - Nov 24 by Konk |
I’m like the Pharaohs — I’m taking the staff with me. I’m gonna have my Butler bound to the ironing board by Red chinos and placed in the Long ship alongside my coffin. [Post edited 24 Nov 2016 12:50]
|
And have the footmen carry you?
Personally I'd be happy to give something back after all the good fish I've eaten, and be dumped off a ferry with weights in my pockets, preferably in the Med than the Mersey though.
https://witness2fashion.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/500-1934-june-p-99-funeral-c |  |
| |
Login to get fewer ads
| Funeral plans on 13:29 - Nov 24 with 3366 views | Konk |
Those are great, aren’t they. You could go with the hobbies and craft angle to save a few bob; get a big zorb ball, pop you inside it, papier-mâché the thing and paint it to make it look like a football and then have you rolled down the aisle of the crematorium/church. That’d be pretty good. | |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
| |
| Funeral plans on 13:37 - Nov 24 with 3340 views | MrSheen |
Miserable if you're a Ghanaian grave-digger. What is it today, a Nokia 6330 or an Airbus 380? [Post edited 24 Nov 2016 13:46]
|  | | |
| Funeral plans on 13:45 - Nov 24 with 3321 views | Dorse |
I've always thought that a Viking funeral sounds fun. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
| |
| Funeral plans on 13:48 - Nov 24 with 3312 views | LongsufferingR |
Problem with these is you're not able to enjoy it or ensure your plans are followed correctly. I'd happily be strung up by the testicles on a tree in front of Amanda Holden's house so over the course of a few months she can get a taste of what it's like watching her on TV. |  | | |
| Funeral plans on 13:52 - Nov 24 with 3302 views | Boston |
| Funeral plans on 13:45 - Nov 24 by Dorse |
I've always thought that a Viking funeral sounds fun. |
Yes, Konk must be reading my last will and testamant, as pushed from the slip at Putney Bridge, my small flat bottomed boat, gathers pace in the current while the flames dance on the water. Autopsy finding nothing but toast....why he's also on board I have no idea. |  |
| |
| Funeral plans on 08:50 - Nov 25 with 3101 views | Bluce_Ree |
All I really care about with funerals is the choice of tunes.
My funeral setlist will be amazing.
Ending it with Reel Ten from the Repo Man soundtrack. The best tune. |  |
| ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH MARTI THE REDEEMER WHO STRENGTHENS ME. |
| |
| Funeral plans on 13:00 - Nov 25 with 3060 views | R_from_afar |
I have requested a "green" burial in my will. I want to be buried under a windturbine.
Seriously though - yes, pop pickers, the wind turbine bit was a joke, but not the "green" burial bit - I hope people will be cheerful at my funeral (I'm sure some people will be ecstatic LOL) because I really have had a great life. I look at what is happening in this world - 65m refugees (!) - and know I have been tremendously fortunate. I even saw Rangers win at Wembley! 
RFA |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
| |
| Funeral plans on 01:58 - Nov 26 with 2990 views | SonofNorfolt |
Go like John Entwistle, yet not in Vegas, not wanting to be inconsiderate for my thousands of mourners, or money lenders as they are often known.
Xanadu by Rush, Rock Lobster by The B-52's, and A Design For Life by the Manic Street Preachers.
Eulogies by Dave Thomas, (the footballer) Dennis Skinner and Kanye West reading my self prepared farewell message translated into German with Karen Carpenter tonal perfection. |  | | |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
