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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door 14:37 - Feb 13 with 3747 viewspaulparker

whose Mum & Dad said this and who didn't take the advice ?
just the couple of times for me

1st/ one me and a mate bought a nicked motorbike off a couple of lads from Yeading , it turned out they had nicked it off some fella who then found out the bloke was a bit of a loon and threated to break their legs, this resulted in west drayton CID knocking on the door just as the old girl was leaving for work , I was then carted off to uxbridge nick with my mum missing her shift and a days pay ,

2nd one was me and a mate taking my old mans air rifle and shooting tin cans down the park , about 30 minutes in we were surrounded by 3 police cars and thrown into the cells at Uxbridge nick again, the old man came down and did his nut , they took his gun off him and fined him , ive never shat myself as much when he got me back in his motor

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 14:57 - Feb 13 with 3016 viewsBrightonhoop

Aye, should say no comment really haha

Had the filth at my door for a mates actions, I was driving and therefore innocent but at the tender age of 17 didn't grass him. Got a proper boloking for bringing them to the door. Then got fished out of Uxbridge nick still as a teenager and then Ealing when I was old enough to know better. Me Dad says 'You're not effing learning are you? That's the last time......' and it was. Until the next time. hehe. Them were the days.
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:22 - Feb 13 with 2961 viewsMick_S

Top tip: Simply put false glasses and a moustache on your dwelling.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-43043752
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:46 - Feb 13 with 2916 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

Jumped a taxi once (aged 17/18) after giving my mates address.

Ran through his back gate and over his garden fence into the street behind.

Next day doing his nut becuase the driver called the old bill and his parents didn’t believe it wasn’t him, despite being in bed at the time.

Great mate I am.

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:54 - Feb 13 with 2899 viewsrobith

No because I was a goodie two shoes.

Got stopped by the police at uni walking from the union to Walkabout with a couple of lads from rugby who I didn't know amazingly well and they accused us of stealing cones from around a big hole. Miraculously we hadn't done it, but they then starting saying we could be done for manslaughter. This was like a red rag to a bull to one of the lads who was a law student and started asking about the legal vagaries of it all.

I was bricking it - maybe you can talk to a copper like that in the home counties but as the token working class Londoner I was like no no no pack it in. The coppers were getting proper irate at him when he then dropped that his dad was some huge bigshot barrister and he intimated he was ringing him and their kekked their pants and got off sharpish telling us to watch our step.

How the other half experience justice eh
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 18:47 - Feb 13 with 2621 viewsPunteR

Ashamed to say a few times. My poor folks. Even managed to get my name in the local paper once for a stupid incident involving LSD and mindless vandalism.
All those shenanigans seems a lifetime ago now, but spending the night in the local nick occurred regularly. Not surprising my folks kicked me out.
Thinking back now i cant actually believe some of the daft things i got up to.
Stupid boy!. I'm no hardened criminal btw, more being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Stayed in, drank gin. In there like swimwear!

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 20:24 - Feb 13 with 2505 viewsBluce_Ree

My mum once said that people who call the police during a domestic are the most common scum there is. She was right on that.

Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah. His crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 20:38 - Feb 13 with 2478 viewskensalriser

My life of crime started age 7 when my brother (age 10) and I pushed the alarm at Sudbury Hill tube and then, impressed at our own ingenuity, calmly strolled back over the platform bridge as though it had nothing to do with us.

The ticket collector, no doubt used to such scallywag pranks, was on to us and waiting at the other end to give us an earful!

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 20:53 - Feb 13 with 2446 viewsozexile

Never for me but my older brother about 7 or 8 times.
He never understood the term "Don't s&7t on your own doorstep".
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 21:16 - Feb 13 with 2417 viewsloftboy

Before I left home in 1988 at the tender age of 21 my dad was convinced I was a football hooligan, he had no reason to think this and I don’t know why he did, but every Saturday before I set off for a game he said the same thing “ if I get a phone call from the police saying you’re in a cell. I’ll tell them to bloody well leave you there”

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 22:46 - Feb 13 with 2323 viewsLythamR

Air Rifle, trail of shot out streetlight covers from Swakeleys roundabout on the Western Ave leading to the one outside my bedroom window which had about 30 pellets inside it, it didnt take Columbo, Trip down the hill to Uxbridge Nick with a very angry and embarrassed father
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 00:05 - Feb 14 with 2246 viewsBoston

Thank gawd I never hung out with any of you degenerates. Just a heads up though, my blissful upbringing did include hearing the rumour that you could get a right hiding in Wembley Police Station, but apparently, they paled in comparison to Acton Nick where during the course of helping with enquiries one might be covered with a thin mattress, just so you wouldn't bruise. Thoughtful and considerate.
[Post edited 14 Feb 3:23]

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 00:34 - Feb 14 with 2223 viewsPunteR

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 00:05 - Feb 14 by Boston

Thank gawd I never hung out with any of you degenerates. Just a heads up though, my blissful upbringing did include hearing the rumour that you could get a right hiding in Wembley Police Station, but apparently, they paled in comparison to Acton Nick where during the course of helping with enquiries one might be covered with a thin mattress, just so you wouldn't bruise. Thoughtful and considerate.
[Post edited 14 Feb 3:23]


Talking of considerate police, Hounslow police once gave me a fiver to pay for my train back home to Richmond after wrongfully arresting me for attempted burglery.
Although tbf to them, when they nicked me i was up on a scaffold around a house at 2 in the morning.
I was drunk and off my bonce, i lost my keys and wallet, my mum and dad was away for the weekend and the only way to get back in was through my bedroom window on the 1st floor. I needed a ladder.
All the local police stations were full that night so ended up in Hounslow.
I found my key in the top pocket of my jacket.
[Post edited 14 Feb 0:42]

Stayed in, drank gin. In there like swimwear!

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 03:26 - Feb 14 with 2137 viewsBoston

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 00:34 - Feb 14 by PunteR

Talking of considerate police, Hounslow police once gave me a fiver to pay for my train back home to Richmond after wrongfully arresting me for attempted burglery.
Although tbf to them, when they nicked me i was up on a scaffold around a house at 2 in the morning.
I was drunk and off my bonce, i lost my keys and wallet, my mum and dad was away for the weekend and the only way to get back in was through my bedroom window on the 1st floor. I needed a ladder.
All the local police stations were full that night so ended up in Hounslow.
I found my key in the top pocket of my jacket.
[Post edited 14 Feb 0:42]


Yeah, well what’s the interest rate on outstanding legal aid, I er ...may know someone who absconded the country....

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 07:51 - Feb 14 with 2026 views2Thomas2Bowles

When I was around 8 we lived near to a sweet factory, one Sunday a group of us kids decided we would go under the fence, nothing was locked up and we came away with our pockets full.

The next day my mum found loads of these sweets in my bedroom and she called the local bobby ( the way it was in them days) fecking shited the life out of me, been a good lad ever since *cough*

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 10:26 - Feb 14 with 1892 viewsDorse

My best mate is a DS in the murder squad and his missus is a DC in intelligence. They have been seen at my house several times. My neighbours speak about me in hushed tones. I like to believe it is a mixture of awe and fear of my Mr Big reputation, but it is more likely that they are meddlesome rat bags with nowt better to do.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 10:46 - Feb 14 with 1850 viewsstevec

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 10:26 - Feb 14 by Dorse

My best mate is a DS in the murder squad and his missus is a DC in intelligence. They have been seen at my house several times. My neighbours speak about me in hushed tones. I like to believe it is a mixture of awe and fear of my Mr Big reputation, but it is more likely that they are meddlesome rat bags with nowt better to do.


No offence Dorse but I love the idea of a Copper working in Intelligence.

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 12:20 - Feb 14 with 1759 viewsrobith

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 10:26 - Feb 14 by Dorse

My best mate is a DS in the murder squad and his missus is a DC in intelligence. They have been seen at my house several times. My neighbours speak about me in hushed tones. I like to believe it is a mixture of awe and fear of my Mr Big reputation, but it is more likely that they are meddlesome rat bags with nowt better to do.


Either that or they think you're a nark
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 13:24 - Feb 14 with 1672 viewsDorse

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 12:20 - Feb 14 by robith

Either that or they think you're a nark


Nah, they're so old that they can remember the actual ark.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 14:13 - Feb 14 with 1606 viewsheadhoops

as kids in the 1970's we used to play football in the road . One night my old man comes home with two 5 a side goals he got cheap from the the leisure centre - surplus to requirements. Following afternoon we set them up in the road and all the kids down the road joined in. Been playing for around an hour and the old bill arrive. Who owns these goals and why are they in the road, we've had a complaint from a neighbour? I sheepishly say they are mine and take the boys in blue to see mum. They give us a lecture etc and the game has to revert back to jumpers for goalposts. Lots of upset kids.
The same two policemen return a couple of hours later and knock on our front door wanting a word with dad. He has been over to see the neighbour in question, called him a miserable git and left him minus two teeth.

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:27 - Feb 14 with 1552 viewsBoston

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 10:46 - Feb 14 by stevec

No offence Dorse but I love the idea of a Copper working in Intelligence.



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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:30 - Feb 14 with 1540 viewsBoston

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 20:38 - Feb 13 by kensalriser

My life of crime started age 7 when my brother (age 10) and I pushed the alarm at Sudbury Hill tube and then, impressed at our own ingenuity, calmly strolled back over the platform bridge as though it had nothing to do with us.

The ticket collector, no doubt used to such scallywag pranks, was on to us and waiting at the other end to give us an earful!


Kensal, I just had a thought, your father ever the manager of the Sudbury Arms?

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 19:39 - Feb 14 with 1388 viewskensalriser

Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 15:30 - Feb 14 by Boston

Kensal, I just had a thought, your father ever the manager of the Sudbury Arms?


Not unless he was lying about his profession for years!

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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 20:37 - Feb 14 with 1326 viewsGroveR

I got nicked at 15yrs old along with 3 mates right outside my front door in the grove for breaking and entering the house 3 doors down (a family I've known for years and frankly one no-one in their right mind would rob, they were and still are fùcking lunatics). The police responded with 3 riot vans, a TSG and a helicopter and held us for an hour.

My mammie came out (5ft on a good day) and dragged me away by the ear followed by 3 of the biggest coppers there. My dad was at the door in her dressing gown (fetching) and belted me 6ft backwards. One of the coppers said "looks fine, we'll let this one go"

I'd still take the dig over the record all day.
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 22:28 - Feb 14 with 1180 viewsLblock

Put in the back of a "jam sandwich"... the old Mini-Metro with the red line down the side...Jeezus I'm old!
This for the heinous crime of a drive by shooting of the Chop Suey Shop on Northfields Avenue. Well, we weren't driving and there was no lead involved...... it was actually... a bunch of us in our Gola trainers and zip up nylon ADIDAS tops who "snow bombed" the place and when Mr Wong came out with the broom to chase us away I caught him one in the kisser and one straight through the door and onto his extract fan inside. Snowballs that is.
I turned to run as my mates had observed the "leg git" cry but alas the grip on my Gola's was no match for the snow and per chance a passing copper had seen it all from said Metro.

So I'm lifted, nabbed and bang to rights. The copper asks me why I'm picking on the Chinese Chap and I respond "because he's got a chopped up Alsatian in the freezer". The Copper creases up - twas a well known urban myth at the time - and says to me "I've never liked takeaway from there!! Where do you live". He drops me off with a stern "Don't go back down there tonight" and went off to see his mate PC Gordon who lived 7 or 8 doors from us.

A few near misses down W12 and away games but nothing serious.
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Whatever you do , dont bring the old bill to the door on 23:34 - Feb 14 with 1147 viewsloftboy

Fark off Surrey police by loftboy 4 Jul 2012 15:55
Just reversed parked my car behind a black focus, tightish gap, next thing two coppers have jumped out and accused me of hitting their car, which I didn't, after a heated exchange (on my part) I was threatened with arrest and told I was scaring my son. After calming down and having all my details checked I was then cautioned while a statement was written. Got to wait for the desk Sargeant to get back to me to see if the none existent damage has to go through insurance.
Farking cock suckers go and nick some real criminals.



Just remembered this!!

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