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Gone is the winter of our discontent 18:06 - Feb 17 with 3036 viewsBklynRanger

As the pregnant shoots of spring push pregnantly against the frozen tundra so do we, exploding like butterflies from our wintry cocoons, like big brown bears from our bedbreath caves, uncouple our damaged knees and stroll into the February twilight with the knowledge that enough teams are, after all, shitter than us and everything will be okay. You R's.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 18:54 - Feb 17 with 2877 viewsShotKneesHoop

Made spring by three points, but summer seems a long way off.

Why does it feel like R'SWiPe is still on the books? Yer Couldn't Make It Up.Well Done Me!

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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:06 - Feb 17 with 2833 viewsBklynRanger

Yes I suppose one Smyth does not a summer make
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:09 - Feb 17 with 2822 viewsted_hendrix

I'm just a little bit content but not pregnant like Tom Daley.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:12 - Feb 17 with 2803 viewsFDC

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:06 - Feb 17 by BklynRanger

Yes I suppose one Smyth does not a summer make


What about two?
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 20:33 - Feb 17 with 2691 viewsBklynRanger

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:09 - Feb 17 by ted_hendrix

I'm just a little bit content but not pregnant like Tom Daley.


How a decathlete even has time for reproduction is beyond me mate.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 20:36 - Feb 17 with 2681 viewsBklynRanger

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:12 - Feb 17 by FDC

What about two?


An autumn maybe? I can feel 7 or 8 paragraphs about Polish turnip fields coming on.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 21:03 - Feb 17 with 2617 viewsted_hendrix

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 20:36 - Feb 17 by BklynRanger

An autumn maybe? I can feel 7 or 8 paragraphs about Polish turnip fields coming on.


Turnip you say?

"I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden turnips;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze".

"Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance"

".The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought"

"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the turnips".

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

3
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 21:33 - Feb 17 with 2553 viewscolinallcars

My wife and I bought a portable canvass dwelling in the January sales. This was the winter of our discount tent.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 00:38 - Feb 18 with 2435 viewsBklynRanger

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 21:33 - Feb 17 by colinallcars

My wife and I bought a portable canvass dwelling in the January sales. This was the winter of our discount tent.




Now that. Is a high quality pun.
0
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 12:56 - Feb 18 with 2227 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Oh, NOW it's OK to like puns!!

I wrote ten puns in a thread recently, hoping at least one would be appreciated.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 20:54 - Feb 18 with 2029 viewscolinallcars

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 12:56 - Feb 18 by Ashdown_Ranger

Oh, NOW it's OK to like puns!!

I wrote ten puns in a thread recently, hoping at least one would be appreciated.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.


Good man.....there may not be much good comedy on TV but it's alive and well on here.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 21:15 - Feb 18 with 2004 viewssmegma

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 12:56 - Feb 18 by Ashdown_Ranger

Oh, NOW it's OK to like puns!!

I wrote ten puns in a thread recently, hoping at least one would be appreciated.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.


You got puns but you're not a punter
2
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 13:13 - Feb 19 with 1822 viewsBklynRanger

I bumped into an interesting fellow the other day. Not only had he murdered 11 people in cold blood and stuck them in his freezer, he was also a designated thoroughfare on which people can travel by bicycle separately from motor vehicles.

You guessed it - he was a cycle path.
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 16:27 - Feb 19 with 1745 viewsJacksDad

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 13:13 - Feb 19 by BklynRanger

I bumped into an interesting fellow the other day. Not only had he murdered 11 people in cold blood and stuck them in his freezer, he was also a designated thoroughfare on which people can travel by bicycle separately from motor vehicles.

You guessed it - he was a cycle path.


I tried to give up double entendres for lent ... but it got too hard and I didn't think I could pull it off!
1
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 16:34 - Feb 19 with 1732 viewsEsox_Lucius

Erik the modern day viking set off to ransack Newcastle and, as he was setting off, Freja his unsighted wife, asked him to bring back a modern sink unit as her blindness made it very difficult to walk to the nearby stream to do the washing up. Days later, pumped with adrenaline after a successful raping and pillaging Erik heads back to the longboat and is almost there when he remembers that he didn't grab a sink unit from Plumbers World whilst he was there. Searching round frantically he spots a builders merchants and thinks to himself "Right, I'll nip in there and grab a bricklayers hod because everyone knows a hod's as good as a sink to a blind Norse"

The grass is always greener.

1
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 10:44 - Feb 20 with 1578 viewsAshdown_Ranger

So, now you're bringing domestic appliances into it Esox_Lucius . Don't talk to me about domestic appliances, I rarely use them.

Only the other day I sold my Dyson vacuum cleaner - it was just gathering dust.
2
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 11:23 - Feb 20 with 1549 viewscolinallcars

Speaking of cleaning, I played golf with a chimney sweep the other day. He was a really good player and beat me easily. “What's your handicap” I said. “Central heating” he replied.
0
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 11:32 - Feb 20 with 1538 viewsEsox_Lucius

Last time I went to the golf club they provided a clown to open the doors in the clubhouse for the golfers. What a nice jester I thought.

The grass is always greener.

0
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 12:44 - Feb 20 with 1499 viewsBklynRanger

I had squash balls on toast for lunch today. Was really rubbery.
0
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 14:59 - Feb 20 with 1464 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 11:32 - Feb 20 by Esox_Lucius

Last time I went to the golf club they provided a clown to open the doors in the clubhouse for the golfers. What a nice jester I thought.


Small world, I'm a member of the same club!

I went there last summer with my nan, who is pretty old and almost immobile. The club has a lovely viewing gallery on the second floor, with a Stannah Stairlift for the elderly to use.

But nan ignored the stairlift and struggled up the stairs slowly and painfully instead. I asked her why she didn't use the stairlift and she said,

"I can't stand those things, they drive me up the wall!"
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Gone is the winter of our discontent on 17:25 - Feb 20 with 1426 viewsjohncharles

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 21:03 - Feb 17 by ted_hendrix

Turnip you say?

"I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden turnips;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze".

"Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance"

".The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought"

"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the turnips".


A great improvement on the original

Strong and stable my arse.

0
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 17:55 - Feb 20 with 1407 viewsBlackCrowe

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
[Post edited 20 Feb 2018 18:07]

Poll: Kitchen threads or polls?

3
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 18:06 - Feb 20 with 1395 viewsDavieQPR

Gone is the winter of our discontent on 10:44 - Feb 20 by Ashdown_Ranger

So, now you're bringing domestic appliances into it Esox_Lucius . Don't talk to me about domestic appliances, I rarely use them.

Only the other day I sold my Dyson vacuum cleaner - it was just gathering dust.


I used mine to fight off the tall bloke with a scythe but realised I was dyson with Death.
1
Gone is the winter of our discontent on 19:04 - Feb 20 with 1349 viewsEsox_Lucius

I keep getting calls from the local discount furniture store asking me to come back but all I wanted was one night stand.

The grass is always greener.

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