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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 656022 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 11:43 - Feb 15 with 8679 viewsEsox_Lucius

"And next on stage ladies and gentlemen, our star billing; The Subtractors"
"Take it away boys".

The grass is always greener.

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:47 - Feb 15 with 8554 viewsMyke

Corny Joke Warning on 11:43 - Feb 15 by Esox_Lucius

"And next on stage ladies and gentlemen, our star billing; The Subtractors"
"Take it away boys".


I used to love tractors but I have gone off them completely
I guess I'm an ex-tractor fan
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:58 - Feb 15 with 8545 viewsBoston

I once had a tractor with wooden wheels, wooden gear box and a wooden engine.

It wooden work.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 12:15 - Feb 16 with 8382 viewswelwynranger

I decided to take a short cut through the forest on my way to the golf course.
I tripped over on a large branch and all the clubs fell out of the bag.
I lost half of my clubs because I couldn't see the woods for the trees.
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Corny Joke Warning on 15:12 - Feb 16 with 8322 viewsSonofpugwash

I waited two weeks for a GP appointment only to be told acupuncture is no good for pins and needles.

Poll: Dykes - love him or hate him?

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Corny Joke Warning on 15:12 - Feb 16 with 8318 viewsBoston

Will Storm Dudley be bringing Moore wind and rain?

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 15:44 - Feb 20 with 8070 viewsBoston

When in Paris don't jump off any bridges.

They'll lock you up for being in Seine.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 10:38 - Feb 27 with 7874 viewsMyke

So I asked my students to give me a sentence with 'centimetre' in it, as the school like to combine numeracy with literacy. One kid puts up his hand and says 'My aunt flew into Knock Airport yesterday and my dad was sent to meet her'
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:56 - Feb 27 with 7766 viewsBoston

Man returns from a shopping trip and proceeds to put away his purchases. His wife notices a pack of condoms, labelled the Olympic brand. "Why are they called, Olympic", she asks? "Because they're made in three colours", he replies, "gold, silver and bronze". "Oh, and what colour are you intending to wear tonight", she enquires? "Gold of course" says man. "Really" she said, "why not wear the silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change".

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 15:46 - Feb 27 with 7735 viewsBoston

I failed my biology O Level.

Apparently Scousers are not the most common thing found in cells.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 21:51 - Mar 1 with 7538 viewsacricketer

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:00 - Mar 3 with 7341 viewsBoston

I was driving through Boston this morning when I rear ended someone. Fair shunt it was as I'm driving a loaded construction truck and the other vehicle was a low budget economy car. Anyway, I hop out to apologize and meet the other driver, who is approximately 4' 6" tall and examining his dented bumper. "I'm not happy" he says, "oh yeah", I replied, "which one are you then"?

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 10:40 - Mar 6 with 7044 viewsEsox_Lucius

I got job at a wholesale meat factory moving huge joints of ham.
I’m a pork lift truck driver.

The grass is always greener.

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:36 - Mar 6 with 6964 viewsBoston

A funny incident....I was in a local liquor store (Offy), yesterday and an attractive young lady of south east Asian heritage was serving me. I knew she was attractive because the face mask she was wearing hung down under her jawline. Seeking to get into conversation I cracked the, 'nice chin hammock you've got there', which produced laughing from her Caucasian colleague but a look of confusion from the lass in question. She sort of stared, so I repeated my apparently poor witticism, again the person working beside her laughed, then her expression changed as she copped the joke. She ha ha'd, then informed me her last name was Chin, which had the whole queue behind me chuckling.
[Post edited 6 Mar 2022 20:37]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 21:11 - Mar 6 with 6928 viewsjohann28

Long queue in Moscow for basics. People starting to get tetchy.

Fk g Putin, says one, it's all his fault. Warmongering tw*t. I've had enough, i m going to save lots of lives and fkg kill him. He storms off to great applause.

An hour or so later, he's back. Did you kill Putin?? They ask, sceptically.

No, he says, downcast. That queue's even longer than this one!
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Mar 6 with 6861 viewsBoston

Why, when being castigated for a lack of bottle, do we commonly tell people to grow a pair?

I mean, testicles ain't exactly tough, one whack and we're out of action for half an hour!

Let's face it, if you want to be able to take a damn good pounding, you should be growing a vagina.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 18:18 - Mar 9 with 6645 viewsjohann28

Sad news. The guy who invented Velcro died.

RIP.
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:18 - Mar 9 with 6528 viewsMyke

Corny Joke Warning on 18:18 - Mar 9 by johann28

Sad news. The guy who invented Velcro died.

RIP.


Bought a beaver -gonna call him Clint Eatswood
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:15 - Mar 10 with 6379 viewsEsox_Lucius

Priti Patel has been named as Goalkeeper for all England's future matches. An FA spokesman said she will never let anything in and no-one wants to score with her.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 19:33 - Mar 10 with 6276 viewsacricketer

1
Corny Joke Warning on 13:22 - Mar 11 with 6107 viewsMyke

Went into my local signwriters shop and ordered a six foot high 'A', a six foot high 'S' and a six foot high 'K' and told him I needed them by Tuesday. He said he would see what he could do, but it was a big ask.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:24 - Mar 11 with 6104 viewsMyke

I just compiled a 'to do' list and it's 22 pages long. It's my oughtobiography
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Mar 12 with 5936 viewsMyke

If you thought Bing Crosby was good, imagine how much better Google Crosby would be?
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Mar 13 with 5757 viewsdannyblue

Why did REM split up? Because the rest of the band just weren’t Michael’s type
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Corny Joke Warning on 11:21 - Mar 14 with 5594 viewsEsox_Lucius

Do you know what makes a Pirate very angry?
When people take the P out of him.

The grass is always greener.

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