| Stood on a screw!! 21:50 - Feb 12 with 5479 views | loftboy |
Embedded inmy heel by about a cm, had to pull it out with some force, put a plaster over the hole and put my shoe on ( should have done that in the first place) took shoe off and there’s claret everywhere, bloody hurts.
Anyone else had a stupid accident? |  |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 22:47 - Feb 12 with 5405 views | Boston |
How much time you got? About twenty five years ago, I jumped off a deck I was building onto a rusty four inch nail...osteomyelitis, six weeks on drip feed. |  |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 23:03 - Feb 12 with 5396 views | danehoop |
Played five a side at Bury Street youth club in my much younger days. Arrived a bit and ran straight into the hall to start playing without really taking much notice of opposing team. Went to a one on one with their keeper and both of us kicked the ball at the same time. Discovered that the cnt hadn't bothered changing out his motorbike boots at the moment my toe in a soft shoe made contact with his metal tipped boot. Give away that something was wrong was enormous crack sound and front of my shoe turning red as the toe was split down the middle.
Stupidly drove to Mount Vernon hospital to get it cleaned up with rather unsurprising news my big toe was definitely broken. Initially this fact was established by doctor squeezing it, my scream and colour change I think largely determined this was true, but just for fun I had an x-ray, just so same sadistic doctor could hear my yelps as I was being positioned for x-rays.
Very annoyed at being out for 6 weeks and gave up footie for a while to take up Tae Kwan Do strangely rationalising this to be less likely to pick up an injury from incorrect footwear. I was wrong and 9 months later broke same toe when we were sparing outside, changed partners and discovered that the opponent was wearing day shoes instead of soft Tae Kwan Do footwear that we normally used. Unlike cnt from football, this guy was hugely apologetic and mortified by what had happened. |  |
| Never knowingly understood |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 23:06 - Feb 12 with 5394 views | Toast_R |
In my teenage years working in a well known chain of restaurants, I cut the tip of my index finger wide open on a steak knife whilst sliding a tray of washing up out the industrial sized dishwasher. Blood all over my whites, looked like I'd just murdered a pig. Wasn't allowed out on the restuarant floor after that one. Still have the scar. |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 00:16 - Feb 13 with 5343 views | smegma |
June 2016 I was crossing the road outside Wembley Arena (or whatever it's called nowadays). I tripped over the speed hump in the road into the path of a moving car. Broke both arms. On the plus side I had six weeks off work which enabled me to do the Holland preseason tour. | | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 00:51 - Feb 13 with 5328 views | PunteR |
Considering i work with sharp tools everyday i would consider myself quite lucky.
The worsed cut was with a Stanley knife across my finger nearly taking the top of my finger off. Naturally, i used electrical tape to bandage the finger up and took my to hospital..
Most painful was when i was laying slabs in my back garden. I had a heavy club hammer which i was using to tap the slabs in position. My missus was watching while i slammed the hammer down onto my middle finger. I nearly passed out. |  |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 06:37 - Feb 13 with 5233 views | stowmarketrange |
When I was collecting a load of waste paper in my 40’ container from a recycling depot in Charlton I opened the doors to find a couple of big air bags inside.The sort they use to stop pallets of tiles or radiators from smashing into each other in transit.
Clever old me thought I’d burst them like crisp packets when you jump from the container onto them from a height of about 5’.
It’s amazing what goes through your in the split second that a 5’ drop takes.Things like,how the feck am I going to burst these things that can cope with 1 ton+ of stuff crashing together just by jumping on them?
Needless to say,they withstood my pathetic attempts to damage them and I flew through the air like an Olympic gymnast landing on the pavement in a heap.
Luckily for me my elbows took the majority of the damage,which saved my head from serious injury.Also the fact that it was 6am and the streets were deserted saved my blushes.
I had to ask the people in the recycling place to patch up the blooded stumps that used to be my elbows and continue working for the day.
I did tell them that I slipped and fell rather than the truth though.
I still have the scars to prove my idiotic actions 12 years after the event. |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 09:24 - Feb 13 with 5083 views | paulparker |
My Mum used to run a pub and to get to the back door you had to walk through the cellar which was normally pitch black , anyway I was going to work one day and I couldn't be bothered to turn the lights to the cellar on as it was very early in the morning and I was running late , as I was walking through and navigating the many barrels my cigarettes fell out of my top pocket so without any thought I bent straight down to get them and whacked my head straight on one of the barrels it was straight between my eyes and on the bridge of my nose , "fcuk me " I shouted followed by "that hurt" as I got to the back door I noticed my shirt was wet so I looked down and I was covered in claret , it was everywhere and gushing out like a good un , had to then go to mount Vernon where they stitched me up , later that night I looked like a right loon with black eyes and stitches and a few of my mums locals thought there had been some aggro in the pub , lynch mobs were getting ready etc until I told them it was me who done it and told them the story how , cue tons of laughter and p1sstaking |  |
| And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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| Stood on a screw!! on 09:53 - Feb 13 with 5051 views | Esox_Lucius |
My most stupid injury, and there are a few contenders, has to be when I was driving through Somerton/ North Aston near where I live in early January and decided that a swift 2-30 mins of Pike fishing in the Cherwell would be a good idea as I had my telescopic rod and a small tackle box in the boot. My wife (wisely) chose to remain in the car as it was freezing cold. Using a little Mepps Aglia lure more suited to Perch than Pike I began casting into likely areas and within 10 mins I hooked into a small jack Pike around 1lb- 1 1/4lb which barely put a bend in the 3lb test curve rod as it was so little I decided to just lift it out of the water to unhook it and with about 1.5m of line between the rod tip and the Pike I placed my hand around the line to control the landing. I suppose it was seeing my hand that caused the jack to give one last shake of it's head and free itself. The resultant kinetic energy of the barbed treble hook on the lure was sufficient to embed one of the hooks deep into the fleshy shin at the bottom of my hand. I hardly felt any pain as my hands were so cold so I bravely/ stupidly tried to wiggle it free whilst I couldn't feel much pain. That didn't work so I cut the line and ran back to the car and asked my wife if she would have a go at wiggling it free, no joy and my hand was starting to warm up and the throbbing began. She doesn't drive so it was left to me to drive the 10 odd miles to the local A&E with a 3" lure hanging from my left hand. At A&E the triage nurse strangely decided (erroneously IMO) that it constituted an immediate danger and put straight into a cubicle where I was seen by a doctor almost immediately. I can only assume that it was weirding them out LOL.
The doctor picked up my injured hand and jovially asked what I thought he was supposed to do with this. I replied with "Could you remove the lure and save the treble hook as they are quite expensive?" For a split second he thought I was serious but replied that he didn't think that would be possible but he would try. I did have to explain that the hook was barbed and the easiest way would be to cut the hook close to the join with the other hooks and feed it through my hand as that would cause the least damage. I had to wait for around 15-20 mins whilst they put a pair of pliers and a pair of wire cutters in an autoclave (I suppose they have to be prepared for any eventuality) and the the job was quickly completed with no fuss and only two tiny puncture wounds to show for it. The fish lived on for anyone who may be concerned.  |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 10:43 - Feb 13 with 4988 views | Maggsinho |
A QPR related one.
When I was about 15 I was doing my homework and listening to the football on the radio, we beat Forest 2-1 at home after going 1-0 down. I ran down to tell my dad and did a celebratory leap out of the living room - straight into the top of the doorframe.
Next thing I knew I was flat on my back with blood sprayed all over the walls, needed stitches in the top of my head and had an attractive shaved patch on my head for a few weeks after. |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 10:46 - Feb 13 with 4983 views | Brightonhoop |
Too many to list but go get a tetnus jabb and have it properly cleaned and packed Loftboy before it returns to lay you low. Learned that much from all mine lol. |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 10:52 - Feb 13 with 4967 views | Mick_S |
I stabbed my eye on a conifer branch on Sunday - my eyeball bled and I shat myself.
Got a bollocking from my wife and spent 4 hours in a and e - scratched cornea. I was very lucky. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 10:57 - Feb 13 with 4951 views | Ashdown_Ranger |
| Stood on a screw!! on 09:53 - Feb 13 by Esox_Lucius |
My most stupid injury, and there are a few contenders, has to be when I was driving through Somerton/ North Aston near where I live in early January and decided that a swift 2-30 mins of Pike fishing in the Cherwell would be a good idea as I had my telescopic rod and a small tackle box in the boot. My wife (wisely) chose to remain in the car as it was freezing cold. Using a little Mepps Aglia lure more suited to Perch than Pike I began casting into likely areas and within 10 mins I hooked into a small jack Pike around 1lb- 1 1/4lb which barely put a bend in the 3lb test curve rod as it was so little I decided to just lift it out of the water to unhook it and with about 1.5m of line between the rod tip and the Pike I placed my hand around the line to control the landing. I suppose it was seeing my hand that caused the jack to give one last shake of it's head and free itself. The resultant kinetic energy of the barbed treble hook on the lure was sufficient to embed one of the hooks deep into the fleshy shin at the bottom of my hand. I hardly felt any pain as my hands were so cold so I bravely/ stupidly tried to wiggle it free whilst I couldn't feel much pain. That didn't work so I cut the line and ran back to the car and asked my wife if she would have a go at wiggling it free, no joy and my hand was starting to warm up and the throbbing began. She doesn't drive so it was left to me to drive the 10 odd miles to the local A&E with a 3" lure hanging from my left hand. At A&E the triage nurse strangely decided (erroneously IMO) that it constituted an immediate danger and put straight into a cubicle where I was seen by a doctor almost immediately. I can only assume that it was weirding them out LOL.
The doctor picked up my injured hand and jovially asked what I thought he was supposed to do with this. I replied with "Could you remove the lure and save the treble hook as they are quite expensive?" For a split second he thought I was serious but replied that he didn't think that would be possible but he would try. I did have to explain that the hook was barbed and the easiest way would be to cut the hook close to the join with the other hooks and feed it through my hand as that would cause the least damage. I had to wait for around 15-20 mins whilst they put a pair of pliers and a pair of wire cutters in an autoclave (I suppose they have to be prepared for any eventuality) and the the job was quickly completed with no fuss and only two tiny puncture wounds to show for it. The fish lived on for anyone who may be concerned. |
I recall reading about that in the local press, and that the police later interviewed you and the fish regarding trespass and fishing without a licence.
Apparently the police demanded to know the fish's name and you butted in saying,
"Don't tell him Pike."
(I've already got my coat...) |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 11:16 - Feb 13 with 4915 views | Esox_Lucius |
With my luck (lifetime QPR supporter) I never risk fishing without a licence and I had a season ticket for the water I was on so... yah boo sucks | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 11:18 - Feb 13 with 4911 views | Lblock |
I think I was about 14 or 15 and it was the era of Hip Hop and break-dancing.
I was in Eastbourne to see some friends who lived there and there were plans for a break dance "burn up"
The day before we were walking the friends family dog up the Downs. Now the Downs in that area are fcuking steep but to a mid teens stupid Londoner this didn't register.
I slipped as walking down and in an effort to steady myself broke into a trott, kinetic energy turned this into a jog, then a sprint until my legs and Hi-Tec basketball trainers couldn't keep up and, BANG, that was it. I'm tumbling, bouncing up off of rabbit holes, just rolling and crashing down this steep gradient and the brief glimpses of my surroundings are all telling me I'm heading to the edge of a cliff and the sea line beyond. I'm scabbling with my hands and clawing at the turf to stop - eventually it plateaus out a bit and I managed to dig my hands in and come to a stop. "Fcuk me", I thinks to myself "I nearly died there..." and I see that I am actually a huge distance away from the edge of any cliff and never in danger of going over the edge.
My concern then turns to the state of my white Hi-Tec Hi-Ball trainers and the state of my orange and blue ADIDAS windbreaker jacket and joggers - now sporting shades of green and muddy brown skid marks.... "damn", I think.."that's going to look sh1t tomorrow".
It was then I decide to get up and walk back to my mates and it hit me like a steam train -- I'd snapped ligaments in one ankle and severely strained the other. Ouch. Sat back down and saw my ankles ballooning just as the friction burns all over my body kicked in making me feel like I was on fire.
I didn't do a windmill, head spin or crazy legs for months after.
Still get grief from my ankles to this day some 34 years later |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 12:56 - Feb 13 with 4799 views | PeterHucker |
My mate was doing a refurbishment job in a fish and chip shop and the flat above it.
The owners let him stay in the flat above whilst he was doing it.
When he'd finished the job he invited a couple of us round for a celebratory pissup.
I have no recollection of this but sometime during the evening's frivolities I fell drunkenly down the stairs and smashed a glass door with my head. The other 2 saw this happening. They tell me it all seemed to happen in slow motion and they were thinking I might be very seriously hurt.
But I just stood up and walked away unharmed.
2 days later, I fell over playing 5-a-side at the Westway and broke 2 fingers. 100 times more painful.
I guess the moral of the story is if you're going to have an accident, try to make sure you're really drunk when it happens. |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 12:57 - Feb 13 with 4796 views | R_from_afar |
I am very clumsy so I could talk you through a long list of dozy incidents but here are two plus a miss near which could've been a major catastrophe.
1 - My chain came off my racing bike and in putting it back on the chainring, the tension in the derailleur forced the chain down on my finger, pushing a tooth on the chainring through my fingernail - urgh.
2 - At work, my boss chucked some sample packaging over to me for me to check the branding. This was back in the day when I thought I was hip and so I thought I'd be clever and head the box. Little did I know it wasn't empty, although it appeared to be, it actually contained an oil filter. That hurt!
3 - The near miss: When we moved into our current house, there was a brick gateway with a cracked brick arch down one side of the house. The gate was not well secured so I decided to re-engineer it to improve both the security aspect as well as its fit in the gateway. The gate barely fitted in the brick opening so it was a struggle. Genius that I am, I decided that easing the brick pillars apart might make the job easier to complete, forgetting that the keystone of the (cracked) arch was a cluster of four or five bricks which were still securely stuck together. As I eased the pillars apart, said cluster hurtled to the ground, from a height of about seven feet, missing my right foot by inches. I shudder to think what it would've done to my foot if it had hit it (where's the icon for a cat ageing and going grey which they used to use in Tom & Jerry cartoons?)
Clumsy R |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 15:34 - Feb 13 with 4688 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
Slipped in the bathroom and fell on a toilet brush a while ago... |  | | |
| Stood on a screw!! on 15:46 - Feb 13 with 4666 views | cheeseydane |
Have accidents almost daily.
Most memorable is when i was trying to prise 2 frozen beefburgers apart with a small thin kitchen knife. The knife slipped and went through the underside base of my second finger and protruded 3 cm out of the top side.
Pulling that sucker back out did make my eyes water. God job i was alone. |  |
| Technology advances, unfortunately humans do not. |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 17:38 - Feb 14 with 4339 views | A40Bosh |
Still got a long wide scar across from my lower thumb to my wrist where i tried to climb our garden fence and hung myself by the wrist from a rusty nail.
In fairness I was only 4yrs old at the most.
That reminds me, where were mum and dad at the time of the accident?
hmmmm......
https://www.injurylawyers4u.co.uk/ |  |
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| Stood on a screw!! on 18:08 - Feb 14 with 4302 views | BklynRanger |
Last week I got up and started shaving still half asleep. Lost control and cut my forehead with the razor en route to my face.
That's basically healed now, so last night I was having some kind of dream that ended with me jamming my finger nail into my head just above the site of that cut - looks like a burn. Woke myself up. Still stings. Looks like
a burn or something.
Tonight I'm going to wear socks on my hands secured by elastic bands - will probably put a couple of plastic bags over the top of the whole thing for added security. |  | | |
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