QPR fans faced a long trek down to Swansea at the end of October, here's our usual review of how things went on and off the pitch.

1 – The Match
A most one sided affair. QPR went for a goalless draw and made no secret of that fact, lining up on the edge of their own penalty area from the first whistle and not moving for the wagons circled position. That left Swansea, an attractive and expansive passing side, to spend 90 minutes trying to break through. That they didn’t manage it has much to do with poor luck, they hit the post and had numerous shots blocked in the penalty area, and stubborn defending with Fitz Hall, Damion Stewart and Radek Cerny to the fore. In truth had Swansea had anybody up front, Jason Scotland doesn’t look particularly effective at this level, they would have won two or three nil and they would have deserved it. In the end the main talking point was a nasty injury picked up by Swansea keeper De Vries when Martin Rowlands slid in to challenge him for a loose ball – it was a poor and unnecessary tackle that could and should have resulted in a red card. After that QPR picked up a number of harsh yellows as the referee looked to make up for his earlier mistake and Jordi Gomez started to take liberties with some outrageous play acting. Reasonably entertaining for a neutral, if not for the travelling QPR fans.
6/10

2 - QPR Performance
Abject. Radek Cerny, Fitz Hall and Damion Stewart played very well and it’s a good job they did because everybody in front and to the side of them was abysmal. QPR didn’t pass the ball, retain possession, pose an attacking threat or show any ambition to do anything other than draw 0-0. Swansea played without a goalkeeper for more than an hour and QPR didn’t have a single shot at him. But for Radek Cerny, the post and Swansea’s profligacy in front of goal this could have been a sound hammering and had it ended up like that QPR could scarcely have complained. Thoroughly embarrassing.
2/10

3 – QPR Support
Once again dented in number by the club’s false assertion that the match was all ticket – certainly my brother would have come had it been pay on the night but our club said there were no tickets at the turnstile so he stayed at home. Of course there were tickets on sale. In the end I reckon about 400 QPR fans made the trip and the away end was a silent and lonely place for most of the match, rangers fans piped up towards the end with various gallows-humour type chants about our lack of shots on goal. Still, hard to criticise or give a low mark to 400 nutters willing to go to Swansea on a Tuesday night.
7/10

4 – The Ground
Regular readers, hello to both of you, will know I hate most new grounds with a passion. Swansea has a lot of the traits of places like Leicester, Derby and Southampton but on a smaller scale – the pitch is a long way from the stands, all the stands are the same, it’s a little bit bland, it’s in the middle of nowhere with no pubs or facilities round about. However it’s not too bad as new grounds go – the atmosphere inside was superior to anything I’ve experienced at any of the other new grounds and the away fans were located behind a goal rather than up in the corner as is usual in places like this. The concourse stretching right the ay round creates a sort of two tiered effect which I liked a lot, it also meant the disabled fans were able to watch the game from halfway up the stands under cover rather than down at the front in the rain. No car parks at the ground, and built a long way from the train station, so points off for that but overall, as new grounds go, not too bad at all. Presumably, at little over 20,000, the capacity can be extended reasonably easily if necessary.
6/10

5 - Atmosphere
Really excellent. New stadiums are normally very poor for atmosphere but the Liberty Stadium seemed to keep the noise inside well and with the singing section of the Swansea support stretching right down the side of the pitch it was pretty lively all night. That undoubtedly influenced the referee in some of his decisions after Rowlands had got away with a poor tackle on the keeper with just a booking – after that the crowd bayed for blood after every foul and several QPR players could feel hard done by to be booked. The thing that impressed me most was the way the Swansea fans gave their team a standing ovation just before the end of the match to acknowledge their performance, even though the result wasn’t as they hoped. I’ve rarely seen that from a home crowd and it certainly wouldn’t happen at Loftus Road. Another thing worth mentioning – much less threatening inside and outside the ground than a certain other stadium in this part of the world.
8/10

6 - The Journey
I have to be honest, I nearly made a pig’s ear of this one. I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve been late for anything in my life, and only one of those is a football match – a lunch time kick off at Burnley where our train suddenly, and rather spectacularly, burst into flames outside Leeds station. We were in for half time, but we were already 2-0 down by that stage. Anyway it’s my worst nightmare not being there on time for a kick off and so I thought that by setting off at half past two in the afternoon I was playing it nice and safe and would be in Swansea in time for a bite to eat before the match.

I told Phil, that’s right there is another die hard QPR fan in Sheffield, that I’d pick him up at his house, which is next to the Northern General Hospital somewhere between Meadowhall and Hillsborough for those that know the city, at half two and aim to be in Swansea at about half five. This journey time was based on my vague recollection of a couple of trips to and from Cardiff for football and rugby league that had never taken more than three hours. Swansea and Cardiff are local rivals of course, so I figured they couldn’t be that much further apart and the journey time would be three and a half hours tops. Even if we were there for six we’d still have time to eat.

How wrong can you be? Local derby? I wouldn’t want to be going from one to the other for a bag of chips. The average speed check through eight miles of road works was unwelcome but necessary, the 50 mile per hour speed limits right the way around Birmingham were simply unwelcome. What possible reason other than making money from the copious amounts of speed cameras on that stretch of road can there be for enforcing a blanket 50mph limit across all three lanes of a motorway that wasn’t busy, didn’t have roadworks on and had no accidents? With another big set of roadworks, with contraflow and associated traffic jams, outside Cardiff it was half past six before we even got into the outer suburbs of Swansea.

After the match things were somewhat easier. An hour with Danny Baker’s hilarious programme on Radio Five made the time fly by and although there was a nasty incident where we thought a whole Twirl bar had managed to escape the driver’s clutches, possibly intending to melt onto an item of clothing, we made it back to Sheffield in a time I do not wish to disclose as it may incriminate me. Despite the impressive journey time we were hindered on route by a plethora of speed restrictions and lane closures while light bulbs were changed and outside lanes swept. All in all, a pain in the arse – hopefully next season it will be a Saturday so I can get back on the train.
3/10

7 - Pre Match
Well, after the misjudgement of journey time and subsequent four hour battle with road works we only had about an hour until kick off when we left the motorway and headed into Swansea itself. The plan initially was to stop at the first pub we saw doing food but as time was pressing on I was starting to think about a chip shop or some form of takeaway when we happened upon the ‘Dylan Thomas’ about two miles away from the ground. If you own that pub, or work there, or drink there regularly then I’d look away now – this isn’t going to be pleasant.

Bearing in mind we were short of time Phil went straight to the bar with a food order where he was made to stand for five minutes while the one man serving ran his own ‘slowest barman in history’ competition. When he eventually did turn to address his customer he told Phil that in fact food orders were to be placed at the till, all of five feet to his right. Phil took three steps to the right and a further five minute wait followed before the order, including two pints of Becks, was placed. A receipt was issued and Phil returned to the table. It turns out, although we only worked this out through a process of elimination, that to claim the drinks you’ve paid for you then take the receipt five feet back to the left and the world’s slowest barmen again. With no more than five people at the bar it took me 15 minutes to claim drinks we’d already paid for as Speedy Gonzalez behind the bar ambled around putting together a three drink order that was made at a time when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

We’d ordered pints of Becks, and paid for them, but it turned out that was off so I settled for bottles in the interests of getting out of the place before I’m collecting my pension. When the beer was finally, finally, mercifully served I returned to the table and waited for our food. We’d both played it safe and ordered burgers – at least we thought this was safe. When the burgers arrived they were served on very large plates, with chips, and a big space where pubs who know how to serve food might have put a salad. Let’s be fair, it did come with three button mushrooms microwaved to within an inch of their lives. There was coleslaw, that may have once been given a glimpse of a fridge from across the room but only briefly, and some form of wretched sauce in a small paper pot but otherwise it was just the burger, bun and half frozen chips. The meat was indescribably bad, if it was indeed meat at all. It looked, and tasted like, the dung of an aged buffalow pounded flat with a hammer for three hours by a work experience boy in the kitchen and then heated at close range by a powerful blow torch.

Not only would I not recommend visiting the Dylan Thomas in Swansea, I’d actually warn against you allowing your dog to eat anything served by this place.
2/10

8 – Police/Stewards
Seemed pretty reasonable to me, very few of either in evidence and no sign of anybody being a jobsworth regarding standing.
9/10
Total – 43/80

Photo: Action Images

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