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Thread | Extracts from 'Chairman'
at 11:15 15 May 2018
'.... It was 2PM or 'post meridiem' a Latin phrase indicating that the day had passed from morning to afternoon, and Fernando Tones was worried. He sat at his polished mahogany desk and began to compose a new tweet. Rather than attempting to imitate the vocalisation of a small bird, he was using a micro-blogging social network called Twitter.
"This used to be easier" he thought, reflecting on the original 140 character limit imposed on users up until November 2017 when it was doubled for most users outside of Chinese, Korean and Japanese.
"Oliver Hillyway has left the club" he typed using 28 letters and 5 spaces. Did spaces count? he mused. Twitter's rules were clear: spaces did indeed count as characters. Damn, he thought.
There was a knock at the door. The door was a large wooden contrivance, hinged down one side and latched to allow entry and exit to his office. In its current position, this was closed, blocking entry and allowing for privacy. If whoever was on the other side was to gain entry, this situation would have to change...' |
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Thread | Leeds Away
at 10:47 5 May 2018
As it's the last day of term, are the players allowed to wear their own clothes instead of uniform? Maybe watch a video instead of having to do work. |
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Thread | It's May Day
at 10:24 1 May 2018
In rural Dorset, the preparations have been frantic for today's celebrations. The village druid has saluted the dawn and lit the Wicker Man and everyone is excitedly gathering around the May Pole. This year's May Pole is Bartosz Jutkewicz from Karakow. He will be greased up and released in Shaftesbury High Street whilst children try to catch him. |
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Thread | Careful Out There - It's On
at 11:42 14 Mar 2018
'Hesquith? Gather up Aubrey, Fauntleroy and Hilarian. It would appear that those oiks from Shepherd's Bush will be in attendance on Saturday'. |
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Thread | Russian Spy In Salisbury?
at 11:19 6 Mar 2018
I think the Russians were able to approach him during the snowy weather when their furry hats wouldn't stand out. |
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Thread | LFW In The News
at 13:41 17 Feb 2018
Come on LFW, I am outraged! Norf should hang his head in shame. Shame, I tell you! |
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Thread | What? No Meltdown?
at 17:27 26 Dec 2017
Really must be the season of goodwill.
(This needlessly provocative message is brought to you by Clive's Offshore Retirement Fund) [Post edited 26 Dec 2017 17:28]
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Thread | 'Tis The Season
at 13:20 12 Dec 2017
At this time of year, I like to remind my parents that, despite all the careful thought and consideration they put into it, I do not want any presents from them. Because they are just awful.
For example, last year's Marmite-themed storage jar. Or the previous year's variety pack of 'expensive' soaps. Frankly, I can't remember the last time they actually bought me something I want. Seriously, one year they bought me an oven mitt. Not a pair - one.
With that in mind, does anyone else suffer like this? |
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Thread | Voice Of Reason
at 09:33 10 Dec 2017
Gentlemen, I think it is looking increasingly unlikely that we will win the Championship this season. However, this frees us up to concentrate on cup competitions.
Now, many of you will say that this is a nonsense but only last night I dreamed that I was eating a mince pie and just this morning I ate one. Follow your dreams, follow your dreams!
We may not have won but, if nothing else, we came a close second. We have the best kit, apart from the green one, and many of our players have tasteful haircuts. There is much of which to be proud. Even the water pressure in the Ellerslie Road bum-sinks has risen to the occasion.
Let us not talk of defeat. Or even deshoulders, deknees or detoes. The only sack we should be considering is from Santa. [Post edited 10 Dec 2017 9:34]
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