Forum | The W Files — A case for Bolder and Scully by EastR

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The W Files — A case for Bolder and Scully 16:18 - Mar 22 with 1673 views

Let’s face it, where there’s a lack of an obvious or a rational explanation, there’s always room for a good conspiracy. And it’s the international break.

We’ve drafted in Adam and Tony (spooky, sounds like an asinine former footballer) to investigate, and to get to the bottom of the increasingly weird and unexplained goings on with the QPR squad.

Dykes
Gone missing, vanished into thin air, hasn’t been seen for weeks. Rumour is he’s been kidnapped by little green men in kilts. UFO? Nae, you f.o. yerself yir cummin’ wi’ uz.
Turns out Steve Clark believes the way to Euro qualification is secretly sign posted in Lyndon’s body art. Warbs reckons it shows the lost route to the play offs.
Conspiracy rating: kidnap 3/10; coded map 8/10

The Form of Dickie and Chair
These two haven’t been the same since they turned up to the squad Christmas party (theme 70’s film icons) as Hoffman and Voight in Midnight Cowboy. See below, not actual footage.

Rob has been unwilling to ‘cross a line’ ever since, and Chair’s previous Oscar winning duet with Chris Willock never recovered from Ilias forming a close partnership with the defender.
Conspiracy rating: dressing up 10/10; on pitch fall out 5/10 (all on you Rob)

Barbet
Being a staunch Europhile, Yoann was often seen on days off from the training ground haranguing Channel 4 news reporters in Parliament Square. Careful to disguise himself in a modified adapted St Patrick’s Day Guinness hat, and mostly hidden by a series of large banners with provocative slogans he waged an ultimately fruitless campaign to keep the UK in the EU.
Now we're out he’s now reluctantly decided its time to go home to France. He broke the news to Warbs on pancake Tuesday, as he decided to give up fibbing for Lent.
The gaffer, always with one eye on the future, and a ready-made replacement in the wings, has dropped him and has no intention of ever playing him again.
Conspiracy rating: Barbet as Steve Bray 0/10; Dion as the Defender (this week) 2/10;

Johansen and Hendrick
The mysterious stranger emerged from the January Toon fog, much to the bemusement of the locals in W12. Why was he here? Who had he come for? The club captain eyed the newcomer suspiciously and saw the Celtic version of his Viking self. Was there going to be room for them both to steer the good ship Midfield?
The gaffer had no doubt he could have Stef in the team and Jeff in the team. Andre, Steph, Luke and Dom would have to wait for the resurrection after Easter before getting a look in.
There are rumours of a cash back deal with Jeff — Newcastle, now flush with Saudi oil money, are going to pay us for him to play. He plays or it’s a one way visit for Les to the Saudi embassy.
The locals meanwhile are increasingly restless and there’s plenty of effin’ and jeffin’ every time our no. 27 makes an appearance.
Conspiracy rating: Jeff as the Saviour 1/10; The people’s front of Shepherds Bush have the answer 9/10