| your BEST mate. 22:33 - Nov 12 with 4805 views | qpr_1968 |
i dont want to know who he/she is.
but, do you still have one.....from kids etc.
i do, he's qpr..lives in suffolk, a lot of you probably know him.
its good to have a best mate.....2nd family. |  |
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| your BEST mate. on 07:02 - Nov 15 with 776 views | ozexile |
| your BEST mate. on 06:08 - Nov 15 by Loftgirl |
Thanks for the support. I am in Brisbane. |
Hey Loftgirl I know you said you don't do Facebook but if you were to join there's lots of Brisbane QPR fans on the Hoops Down Under page. Lovely people who'd welcome you with open arms. If you need any help setting it up then I'd be happy to help you. I know reqching out can be scary but 99% of people out there are wonderful. Take care and your life can change from just one small decision. | | | |
| your BEST mate. on 13:44 - Nov 15 with 664 views | Dixie_CT |
| your BEST mate. on 07:02 - Nov 15 by ozexile |
Hey Loftgirl I know you said you don't do Facebook but if you were to join there's lots of Brisbane QPR fans on the Hoops Down Under page. Lovely people who'd welcome you with open arms. If you need any help setting it up then I'd be happy to help you. I know reqching out can be scary but 99% of people out there are wonderful. Take care and your life can change from just one small decision. |
Heart-breaking and heart-warming thread all in one go.
I am 38 and I'm really lucky to have two people I consider best friends, meeting them both at school, one at Primary and at Secondary.
Socialise with them both regularly, one normally to keep fit and have beers, the other one normally just for beers. Neither like football, despite one playing five aside, but I have dragged them both to the R's (maybe that put them off even more!!)
Have been on numerous holidays, separately and together, with them both. They also both get along well, although everyone gets along with the one I met at secondary school.
Also have quite a lot of other social groups through secondary school, which is a strong and wide network, my last job and my current one. Plus, a separate cohort who I go to QPR with, which includes my mum, nephew, and son.
My job has forced me to meet new people and face a few fears about meeting new people, especially at networking events. I used to hate it and would do anything to not have to partake in small talk and although still not overly comfortable, I can get by.
Having said that, there are still times when I get incredibly lonely. My dad died in a motorcycle accident six days after my 21st birthday and I experienced quite a fair bit of trauma in my childhood (Abuse, Domestic violence, Alcoholism and divorced parents) so I think it has meant I've spent a lot of time trying to fit in and claim an identity.
This has meant my personality is a bit up and down, either life and soul or depressed, anxious and withdrawn. The latter part of my personality makes me incredibly alone and can strike at any point. I could have been playing footy with the boys, going to the R's, at a celebration event, basically anything I enjoy which involves spending time with others yet as soon as I shut the door to my flat, I feel like that lonely little boy desperate for attention and to be loved.
Same when I have my kids every other weekend. As soon as I drop them home to their Mum, there is some relief that I don't have to spend my time as CEO/COO/Pot wash at the Corporation of Dad (not a role find the easiest), yet I then feel very lonely when back at mine.
Life has got better as I somehow meet a new woman about six months ago and having a partner is critical for me as I'm not too good at the self-care, self-love stuff.
COVID is also slowing me down a bit as I'm normally rushing around all over the place, trying to fill the time as its when I stop that things hit me hard although I often burnout which makes my mental health a lot worse. This time is making me reflect on what is important to me and what I need for a happier existence and spending time with people, family, friends, lovers is number one on my list. Even the dying billionaires say it is the one thing they wish they had done more of.
I think identity and belonging are what it is all about. We are tribal creatures which is why religion and other things we follow i.e. QPR, means so much. QPR for me is habitual and essential as for the good and bad, it was and is the one consistent for me in a very inconsistent upbringing and as very lapesed catholic (now desectibe myself as an Agnostic Athesist) QPR is my sense of belonging, following, and religion.
This board has taught me so much and gives me so much even if I have only engaged with a small handful of you in the 'real' world. Even though I may be the complete oppostie in my thoughts to people on here, they are still part of my village, and my village of QPR is the best village in the land.
For me loneliness and metal health issues are added to by social media, the constant us v them/divide and rule narrative in the media and with the persistent discussions questioning and criticising peoples identity based on gender, ethnicity, where you're from and what you think. These are very dangerous and impacting us with more and more mental ill health. Who very said never to talk about religiion or politics. Was very bloody wise.
The remedy for me for the most of it is to switch it all off and engage with someone I actually know. It isn't always easy to reach out, I used to rather wallow and hide than be exposed and vulnerable but the older, wiser and more in tune me is telling me to arrange that meet, and send that text. I am incredibly lucky with the connections and family I've got, and if this pandemic doesn't make me value them more than nothing will.
We are simple beasts and do better together than apart.
[Post edited 15 Nov 2020 13:52]
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| your BEST mate. on 15:55 - Nov 15 with 612 views | nix |
| your BEST mate. on 13:44 - Nov 15 by Dixie_CT |
Heart-breaking and heart-warming thread all in one go.
I am 38 and I'm really lucky to have two people I consider best friends, meeting them both at school, one at Primary and at Secondary.
Socialise with them both regularly, one normally to keep fit and have beers, the other one normally just for beers. Neither like football, despite one playing five aside, but I have dragged them both to the R's (maybe that put them off even more!!)
Have been on numerous holidays, separately and together, with them both. They also both get along well, although everyone gets along with the one I met at secondary school.
Also have quite a lot of other social groups through secondary school, which is a strong and wide network, my last job and my current one. Plus, a separate cohort who I go to QPR with, which includes my mum, nephew, and son.
My job has forced me to meet new people and face a few fears about meeting new people, especially at networking events. I used to hate it and would do anything to not have to partake in small talk and although still not overly comfortable, I can get by.
Having said that, there are still times when I get incredibly lonely. My dad died in a motorcycle accident six days after my 21st birthday and I experienced quite a fair bit of trauma in my childhood (Abuse, Domestic violence, Alcoholism and divorced parents) so I think it has meant I've spent a lot of time trying to fit in and claim an identity.
This has meant my personality is a bit up and down, either life and soul or depressed, anxious and withdrawn. The latter part of my personality makes me incredibly alone and can strike at any point. I could have been playing footy with the boys, going to the R's, at a celebration event, basically anything I enjoy which involves spending time with others yet as soon as I shut the door to my flat, I feel like that lonely little boy desperate for attention and to be loved.
Same when I have my kids every other weekend. As soon as I drop them home to their Mum, there is some relief that I don't have to spend my time as CEO/COO/Pot wash at the Corporation of Dad (not a role find the easiest), yet I then feel very lonely when back at mine.
Life has got better as I somehow meet a new woman about six months ago and having a partner is critical for me as I'm not too good at the self-care, self-love stuff.
COVID is also slowing me down a bit as I'm normally rushing around all over the place, trying to fill the time as its when I stop that things hit me hard although I often burnout which makes my mental health a lot worse. This time is making me reflect on what is important to me and what I need for a happier existence and spending time with people, family, friends, lovers is number one on my list. Even the dying billionaires say it is the one thing they wish they had done more of.
I think identity and belonging are what it is all about. We are tribal creatures which is why religion and other things we follow i.e. QPR, means so much. QPR for me is habitual and essential as for the good and bad, it was and is the one consistent for me in a very inconsistent upbringing and as very lapesed catholic (now desectibe myself as an Agnostic Athesist) QPR is my sense of belonging, following, and religion.
This board has taught me so much and gives me so much even if I have only engaged with a small handful of you in the 'real' world. Even though I may be the complete oppostie in my thoughts to people on here, they are still part of my village, and my village of QPR is the best village in the land.
For me loneliness and metal health issues are added to by social media, the constant us v them/divide and rule narrative in the media and with the persistent discussions questioning and criticising peoples identity based on gender, ethnicity, where you're from and what you think. These are very dangerous and impacting us with more and more mental ill health. Who very said never to talk about religiion or politics. Was very bloody wise.
The remedy for me for the most of it is to switch it all off and engage with someone I actually know. It isn't always easy to reach out, I used to rather wallow and hide than be exposed and vulnerable but the older, wiser and more in tune me is telling me to arrange that meet, and send that text. I am incredibly lucky with the connections and family I've got, and if this pandemic doesn't make me value them more than nothing will.
We are simple beasts and do better together than apart.
[Post edited 15 Nov 2020 13:52]
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Brilliant post Dixie. So much to agree with in it. |  | | |
| your BEST mate. on 20:11 - Nov 15 with 533 views | Match82 |
Some really heartfelt posts on here.
Never really had a "best" mate growing up, more a group who i was close with. That changed the day I started my first job, another bloke started my department on the same day, both happened to catch the train and get off at the same stop, became close friends. Eventually he moved to Chicago and I came out to visit - loved the place and ended up moving here, and we both lived here for ten years. Couple of years ago he moved back to the UK with his wife and kids, it's been so tough now 4000 miles away. Timing wise i he happened to move back the week after we had our first kid, so that's helped focus attention elsewhere thankfully. I'm lucky to have some very good friends here still but almost all of them I've met through my wife, that's always just a bit different.
I say all this because while we text back and forth a couple of times a week, this pushed me to reach out for a Skype video call today. We were on the phone for two hours. So thanks for the prompt. |  | | |
| your BEST mate. on 11:14 - Nov 17 with 374 views | Konk |
| your BEST mate. on 03:02 - Nov 14 by Loftgirl |
I am reading all these posts about best mates with envy. After being sexually abused by the local kiddie fiddler a few doors down when I was 10 years old, arranged by my own Father, I shut down mentally and emotionally. I had no-one to turn to as my Mum would never have understood and my Dad, bizarrely, warned me not to go near this creep. I had friends at school but always felt on the outside. I didn't fit in with what they wanted to do, smoking in the bike sheds, breaking into cars etc. Therefore I just did my own thing and went out on my bike riding all over London. I was, and still am, more at ease in female company, probably found them less of a threat. I got married, had a son, and this allowed me to re-live my younger life through him, which was good therapy. He is everything I wish I could have been. I had two older brothers, one of which had a season ticket in the upper loft with me, but they have both died. I have no contact with my nephews or nieces, (I don't do Facebook). We moved to Australia in 1996 for a better life for our four year old son. We have since divorced. I am still not a "man's man" which is even more important over here. I don't like rugby, fishing, four wheel drives, drinking to excess, etc. I am not at ease in even small groups.
People tell me it's never too late to make friends but that's not the answer. I would dearly love a friend I have known all my life. Too late now. I am 68, not a friend in the world and sad that my life has been a complete waste. I am really proud of my son and he is the closest thing to a friend I have.
I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to say how lucky people are to have life-long mates.
I am a male by the way, despite my log-in name, 'Loftboy' was taken. |
If you've managed to raise a boy that you're proud to call your son, then your life has been far from a waste. If you've raised your son, helped him navigate life, and he's a good soul, then that's a huge achievement.
I'm very sorry that you've had such appalling experiences in your own childhood, and that inevitably, it's had a huge impact on your later life. That's a genuine tragedy, but to overcome all that to then do a grand job raising your own son, is a massive success. |  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| your BEST mate. on 11:41 - Nov 17 with 351 views | Loftgirl |
| your BEST mate. on 11:14 - Nov 17 by Konk |
If you've managed to raise a boy that you're proud to call your son, then your life has been far from a waste. If you've raised your son, helped him navigate life, and he's a good soul, then that's a huge achievement.
I'm very sorry that you've had such appalling experiences in your own childhood, and that inevitably, it's had a huge impact on your later life. That's a genuine tragedy, but to overcome all that to then do a grand job raising your own son, is a massive success. |
Thanks for the kind words Konk. I always get a bit down around this time of year. Another bloody birthday tomorrow, Wednesday, and the fear/dread of Christmas looming, which I've always hated. My son is a good soul but even he has told me he's too busy to go to dinner with me.
I've got my health to be grateful for though. [Post edited 17 Nov 2020 11:49]
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