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I don't know how old your kids are, but our son is six, and we have met loads of people through school. I've had to force myself out of my comfort zone a lot - turning-up to every school thing going, introducing myself to other parents, inviting neighbours round for drinks, doing a pub quiz every week with a neighbour and his mates, which I went to very reluctantly, but quickly really enjoyed because it was a chance to have a laugh and moan about whatever was bugging me at home. It's more like a group therapy session for a load of middle-aged blokes. I started organising social stuff with other parents, and like I say, 3 years in, I feel pretty lucky on that front. Sounds a bit sad, but I was really missing popping out with mates, and knew I needed to make some friends from scratch. If we didn't have Covid-19 going-on, then I'd probably be out as much as I would be if I were still in London.
My brothers and mates with older kids have made really good friends through their kids football and cricket clubs - people they can go for a few beers with and watch sport with. It's tricky when you move somewhere new, but kids are the perfect way to meet people, and on the law of averages, you're gonna meet nice people who enjoy their football and going for a pint. Don't despair - it'll happen.
Isolation can be lonely anyway, the only difference for me is I am not in the office every day. One thing is for sure watching QPR on your own is hard work.
Even the last few seasons I go when mates back from Dubai (all QPR) as the lads I used to go with in the UK have all stopped going. It's meant I have done a few games on my own but its a long drive, and although with the QPR family can still be lonely.
The football is rarely great but the social day with mates was always good. You realize when going on your own that actually it was the group of people that made it what it was. I just hope my son has some interest as he gets older.
Isolation can be lonely anyway, the only difference for me is I am not in the office every day. One thing is for sure watching QPR on your own is hard work.
Even the last few seasons I go when mates back from Dubai (all QPR) as the lads I used to go with in the UK have all stopped going. It's meant I have done a few games on my own but its a long drive, and although with the QPR family can still be lonely.
The football is rarely great but the social day with mates was always good. You realize when going on your own that actually it was the group of people that made it what it was. I just hope my son has some interest as he gets older.
All my 3 kids have grown out of going to qpr now so it’s normally me on my own,which is ok as I meet my brother and a couple of friends there,but that’s isn't possible at the minute.Now I’m 60 with an OAP railcard I was looking forward to travelling to some more away games this season but that isn’t an option either. Oh well,hopefully next season will be better.
I have often wondered if I had a ‘best friend’. When thinking of acquaintances and whether I was lucky enough to have such a friend, I went on to wonder what a ‘best friend’ is. Outside one’s immediate family, someone whose company you enjoyed more than others with shared experiences, interests and a sense of humour? A person you spent quality time with or possibly someone in whom you confided your innermost thoughts — or who would do the same for you? Somebody you would never knowingly or willingly let down and would support as much as you could. Without actually declaring friendship, friends instinctively know and trust each other but there’s always the possibility that you can value a friendship, even love a person whilst knowing that he or she possibly doesn’t think of you in quite the same way. Over the years I’ve realised that I’ve had some really good friends but many have gone their separate ways, developed different interests or possibly lost interest in each other. Realistically, I guess like many others, my circles of friendship have changed from those with whom we’ve shared impressionable, sometimes uncertain teenage years. Like many others I’ve had to become a bread winner, build a career and raise a family. Inevitably I became more pre-occupied with family networks rather than the dispersed circle of old friends. Nevertheless, through work, travel and family, many new friendships have been made. These friendships made in more recent times are treasured, but friendships made, cemented and maintained from as far back as teenage years have an unbreakable bond with irreplaceable memories. Whether or not I have a ‘best friend’ then I feel blessed to have still been in an active friendship with and enjoy (my friend's) company whenever we’ve met, for around 55 years or so. To me, he is the closest person I know that I could call my best friend and I would like to think he thought of me in roughly the same way.
I wrote these words and they form the opening to my best friend's eulogy, which I delivered at his funeral, two years ago.
I have often wondered if I had a ‘best friend’. When thinking of acquaintances and whether I was lucky enough to have such a friend, I went on to wonder what a ‘best friend’ is. Outside one’s immediate family, someone whose company you enjoyed more than others with shared experiences, interests and a sense of humour? A person you spent quality time with or possibly someone in whom you confided your innermost thoughts — or who would do the same for you? Somebody you would never knowingly or willingly let down and would support as much as you could. Without actually declaring friendship, friends instinctively know and trust each other but there’s always the possibility that you can value a friendship, even love a person whilst knowing that he or she possibly doesn’t think of you in quite the same way. Over the years I’ve realised that I’ve had some really good friends but many have gone their separate ways, developed different interests or possibly lost interest in each other. Realistically, I guess like many others, my circles of friendship have changed from those with whom we’ve shared impressionable, sometimes uncertain teenage years. Like many others I’ve had to become a bread winner, build a career and raise a family. Inevitably I became more pre-occupied with family networks rather than the dispersed circle of old friends. Nevertheless, through work, travel and family, many new friendships have been made. These friendships made in more recent times are treasured, but friendships made, cemented and maintained from as far back as teenage years have an unbreakable bond with irreplaceable memories. Whether or not I have a ‘best friend’ then I feel blessed to have still been in an active friendship with and enjoy (my friend's) company whenever we’ve met, for around 55 years or so. To me, he is the closest person I know that I could call my best friend and I would like to think he thought of me in roughly the same way.
I wrote these words and they form the opening to my best friend's eulogy, which I delivered at his funeral, two years ago.
That’s lovely, mate. Very sorry that your friend is no longer with us.
I have often wondered if I had a ‘best friend’. When thinking of acquaintances and whether I was lucky enough to have such a friend, I went on to wonder what a ‘best friend’ is. Outside one’s immediate family, someone whose company you enjoyed more than others with shared experiences, interests and a sense of humour? A person you spent quality time with or possibly someone in whom you confided your innermost thoughts — or who would do the same for you? Somebody you would never knowingly or willingly let down and would support as much as you could. Without actually declaring friendship, friends instinctively know and trust each other but there’s always the possibility that you can value a friendship, even love a person whilst knowing that he or she possibly doesn’t think of you in quite the same way. Over the years I’ve realised that I’ve had some really good friends but many have gone their separate ways, developed different interests or possibly lost interest in each other. Realistically, I guess like many others, my circles of friendship have changed from those with whom we’ve shared impressionable, sometimes uncertain teenage years. Like many others I’ve had to become a bread winner, build a career and raise a family. Inevitably I became more pre-occupied with family networks rather than the dispersed circle of old friends. Nevertheless, through work, travel and family, many new friendships have been made. These friendships made in more recent times are treasured, but friendships made, cemented and maintained from as far back as teenage years have an unbreakable bond with irreplaceable memories. Whether or not I have a ‘best friend’ then I feel blessed to have still been in an active friendship with and enjoy (my friend's) company whenever we’ve met, for around 55 years or so. To me, he is the closest person I know that I could call my best friend and I would like to think he thought of me in roughly the same way.
I wrote these words and they form the opening to my best friend's eulogy, which I delivered at his funeral, two years ago.
Very moving stuff. Sorry for your loss. Losing friends is underestimated among other losses.
I seem to have changed best mates as I have progressed through life, a few stand out and wished we had stayed in contact.
Was always a bit of a 'wild child' when young, and since I have been looking after myself since I was 16. wandered from place to place across London making new friends wherever I ended up.
One does stand out, on/off for 57 years, great friends from 7 years old, very close untll my wanderings began and I lost touch, 30 years passed and my daughter persuaded me to join Friends Reunited website, got invited to a school reunion , not quite sure if i would attend, so glad I did, as soon as we met the years just fell away, so much to catch up on but it was like I had only seen him a few days before , he know lives in Manchester, be have both visited each other at respective homes and speak often on the phone.
I am banished to a empty room whenever he calls, my wife says it is like listening to 'two little boys' the rubbish we talk, but he has been a real support since we got to know each other again and once this virus allows will meet face to face once again.
Moved a few years back to Suffolk, nice folk roundabout and yet another new circle of friends, it's not easy but a little effort sure goes a long way to not feel as an outsider.
My best mate is a woman. We live about a mile apart and went to school together, but only became really close friends when our respective kids came along at roughly the same time. I was a stay -at -home- dad at the time and she was at home with her two, so began popping into each other's houses regularly. Still do 20 years later, or were until Covid. During our first lockdown it was grand, summer time and we used to go for long walks together. Second lockdown is proving harder because of the time of year and the fact that we are both still working this time. I miss her company. She is off work this week too with undiagnosed dizzy spells, which is a bit worrying
One of my best mates is a Derby fan. Even though I live in Spain and he lives back in England, we talk every day. Have done for years, apart from about 2 weeks in 2014.....
Mostly close with a lot of my university friends and at least speak regularly to them, but moving abroad really has made things difficult. Having to restart your social life all over again has been a challenge but also fun
My best mate is a woman. We live about a mile apart and went to school together, but only became really close friends when our respective kids came along at roughly the same time. I was a stay -at -home- dad at the time and she was at home with her two, so began popping into each other's houses regularly. Still do 20 years later, or were until Covid. During our first lockdown it was grand, summer time and we used to go for long walks together. Second lockdown is proving harder because of the time of year and the fact that we are both still working this time. I miss her company. She is off work this week too with undiagnosed dizzy spells, which is a bit worrying
Mykes post reminds me of someone I know.
Went to neighbouring schools and had friends in similar circles. Then randomly went to the same Uni doing the same degree although in different year groups. When I went travelling in Australia she was there at the same time. Although we were in contact we never met up.
More recently she became pregnant on a trip to Thailand and ended up having a baby boy. Soon after her Mother became very ill and died and we became quite close. Even became a bit over friendly once after several bottles of red wine (ooer!).
We tend to drift in and out of each others lives. Sometimes months and months apart. Like Myke used to meet for walks during the first lockdown but not so easy this time for similar reasons.
Other than that there's this tvvat I used to work with about 10 years ago. Still friends and we meet fairly often. The pr1ck managed to get himself a few health problems recently so is on a "plant based" diet and no alcohol...
A good mate of mine moved to Australia 10-15 years ago. He's getting soppy in his middle age and is phoning up an old friend or family member every day in November. Excellent idea and he's had some great reconnections. I might copy him in December for the run up to Christmas, like an alternative advent calendar.
My best mate was from school days. Used to go to pubs regularly, motorbike and car shows etc. I was best man nearly 10 years ago at his 2nd wedding and so on. Don’t see or speak to him anymore, for some reason he’s shut me off completely. I admit I went through a period a couple of years ago where I didn’t contact him much as i was so busy as i just had my 2nd child but when I did arrange to meet up he was always busy. Not excuses but genuinely doing something like at his mum’s, working weekends, at his nephew-in-laws, out with his missus etc. It got to the point where i just stopped asking as he was always busy. Got a bit upset as he’s godfather to my two children and he loved being with them so no idea why he just cut things off. Both him and his wife unfriended me on FB (which was odd). I reached out to him but no response. Mutual friends don’t get involved. All very strange and sad. Things are really busy with work, family, impending house moving but maybe when that’s done I’ll contact him again and see.
As distortR said those kind of situations can be hurtful. What I've learned after not living in the UK for almost 20 years is that REAL friends keep in touch. I've always tried to keep in touch with old friends, even more so recently . I probably need/appreciate them more now because I live abroad. I don't have the luxury of the English lifestyle and all the benefits that that entails so appreciate the English humour, pisstake, sarcasm etc...
But people get caught up in their own lives and fall into the trap of believing that they're too busy to keep in touch when lets face it, unless they're constipated, is a really shit excuse. So if "mates" don't return calls or lose touch in general I'm not going to force the situation. I've had a best mate in tears over the phone after his wife left him and he was apologising for not keeping in touch. We chatted a few times afterwards, now he's got a new bird and I haven't heard from him in months. My own flesh and blood have the audacity to say how busy they've been which is why they haven't called for weeks yet I see their posts on Facebook or Instagram and I know how long they spend in the loo and/or drinking beers evry night yet they still can't find the time for a call. I even have QPR mates that don't bother getting in touch for months. I just think it's a reflection on society and peoples perception of time and the necessity of keeping in touch. I don't think it's malicious or with clear intent I just think it's the sad way of life in 2020. So Juzzie, as long as you've tried on numerous occasions to recuperate the relationship if there's no real response there's nothing more than you can do about it. Harsh and sad but true.
I have my best mate from when I was 5 years old who will always be my best mate and we still keep in touch failry regularly 45 years later and I have my new best mate from 20 years ago who I went travelling with and spent the best two years of my life with. Both of them I visit when I return to England, without fail, every 2 (bastard covid 3) years.
I am reading all these posts about best mates with envy. After being sexually abused by the local kiddie fiddler a few doors down when I was 10 years old, arranged by my own Father, I shut down mentally and emotionally. I had no-one to turn to as my Mum would never have understood and my Dad, bizarrely, warned me not to go near this creep. I had friends at school but always felt on the outside. I didn't fit in with what they wanted to do, smoking in the bike sheds, breaking into cars etc. Therefore I just did my own thing and went out on my bike riding all over London. I was, and still am, more at ease in female company, probably found them less of a threat. I got married, had a son, and this allowed me to re-live my younger life through him, which was good therapy. He is everything I wish I could have been. I had two older brothers, one of which had a season ticket in the upper loft with me, but they have both died. I have no contact with my nephews or nieces, (I don't do Facebook). We moved to Australia in 1996 for a better life for our four year old son. We have since divorced. I am still not a "man's man" which is even more important over here. I don't like rugby, fishing, four wheel drives, drinking to excess, etc. I am not at ease in even small groups. People tell me it's never too late to make friends but that's not the answer. I would dearly love a friend I have known all my life. Too late now. I am 68, not a friend in the world and sad that my life has been a complete waste. I am really proud of my son and he is the closest thing to a friend I have. I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to say how lucky people are to have life-long mates. I am a male by the way, despite my log-in name, 'Loftboy' was taken.
I am reading all these posts about best mates with envy. After being sexually abused by the local kiddie fiddler a few doors down when I was 10 years old, arranged by my own Father, I shut down mentally and emotionally. I had no-one to turn to as my Mum would never have understood and my Dad, bizarrely, warned me not to go near this creep. I had friends at school but always felt on the outside. I didn't fit in with what they wanted to do, smoking in the bike sheds, breaking into cars etc. Therefore I just did my own thing and went out on my bike riding all over London. I was, and still am, more at ease in female company, probably found them less of a threat. I got married, had a son, and this allowed me to re-live my younger life through him, which was good therapy. He is everything I wish I could have been. I had two older brothers, one of which had a season ticket in the upper loft with me, but they have both died. I have no contact with my nephews or nieces, (I don't do Facebook). We moved to Australia in 1996 for a better life for our four year old son. We have since divorced. I am still not a "man's man" which is even more important over here. I don't like rugby, fishing, four wheel drives, drinking to excess, etc. I am not at ease in even small groups. People tell me it's never too late to make friends but that's not the answer. I would dearly love a friend I have known all my life. Too late now. I am 68, not a friend in the world and sad that my life has been a complete waste. I am really proud of my son and he is the closest thing to a friend I have. I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to say how lucky people are to have life-long mates. I am a male by the way, despite my log-in name, 'Loftboy' was taken.
Hey I have no idea where you are in Oz but I'm in Sydney and if you want to meet up for maybe an A league game or just a Coffee. I hate the thought of someone being lonely. Even if you just want a chat, reach out.
I am reading all these posts about best mates with envy. After being sexually abused by the local kiddie fiddler a few doors down when I was 10 years old, arranged by my own Father, I shut down mentally and emotionally. I had no-one to turn to as my Mum would never have understood and my Dad, bizarrely, warned me not to go near this creep. I had friends at school but always felt on the outside. I didn't fit in with what they wanted to do, smoking in the bike sheds, breaking into cars etc. Therefore I just did my own thing and went out on my bike riding all over London. I was, and still am, more at ease in female company, probably found them less of a threat. I got married, had a son, and this allowed me to re-live my younger life through him, which was good therapy. He is everything I wish I could have been. I had two older brothers, one of which had a season ticket in the upper loft with me, but they have both died. I have no contact with my nephews or nieces, (I don't do Facebook). We moved to Australia in 1996 for a better life for our four year old son. We have since divorced. I am still not a "man's man" which is even more important over here. I don't like rugby, fishing, four wheel drives, drinking to excess, etc. I am not at ease in even small groups. People tell me it's never too late to make friends but that's not the answer. I would dearly love a friend I have known all my life. Too late now. I am 68, not a friend in the world and sad that my life has been a complete waste. I am really proud of my son and he is the closest thing to a friend I have. I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to say how lucky people are to have life-long mates. I am a male by the way, despite my log-in name, 'Loftboy' was taken.
i know your not looking for sympathy, but that is a heart wrenching post mate. i hope the kiddy fiddler had what was coming to him, nothing much you can do when one of your parents is basically the instigator, and the other as you say would'nt understand. pretty strange what your dad said as well, in his mind it was a cover up.
hope you take oz's offer and meet up.....its never too late, 68, your still young.
I am reading all these posts about best mates with envy. After being sexually abused by the local kiddie fiddler a few doors down when I was 10 years old, arranged by my own Father, I shut down mentally and emotionally. I had no-one to turn to as my Mum would never have understood and my Dad, bizarrely, warned me not to go near this creep. I had friends at school but always felt on the outside. I didn't fit in with what they wanted to do, smoking in the bike sheds, breaking into cars etc. Therefore I just did my own thing and went out on my bike riding all over London. I was, and still am, more at ease in female company, probably found them less of a threat. I got married, had a son, and this allowed me to re-live my younger life through him, which was good therapy. He is everything I wish I could have been. I had two older brothers, one of which had a season ticket in the upper loft with me, but they have both died. I have no contact with my nephews or nieces, (I don't do Facebook). We moved to Australia in 1996 for a better life for our four year old son. We have since divorced. I am still not a "man's man" which is even more important over here. I don't like rugby, fishing, four wheel drives, drinking to excess, etc. I am not at ease in even small groups. People tell me it's never too late to make friends but that's not the answer. I would dearly love a friend I have known all my life. Too late now. I am 68, not a friend in the world and sad that my life has been a complete waste. I am really proud of my son and he is the closest thing to a friend I have. I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to say how lucky people are to have life-long mates. I am a male by the way, despite my log-in name, 'Loftboy' was taken.
Loftgirl, I must admit I thought you were a girl, given the name, so thanks for clearing that up...
Been thinking about replying to your post all day. Didn't want to say anything trite. Then again everything I think of to say sounds trite. But then it seems worse to me not to say anything at all, so here goes.
I just wish all that hadn't happened to you, it's so unfair and you deserved soooo much better. Both your parents let you down, and it's such a shame that you weren't lucky enough to have the right people around you that could have been the right kind of friends.
Given what you've been through, you've made a big success of your life. I can't imagine having the guts to move to the other side of the world. Having a son that you've given a different life to than the one you had is an unimaginable success. Many people who've been abused and neglected struggle to do that for their children. They haven't been given the blueprint for it and they can't make their own. You've managed it for your son and you must be so proud of him.
Anyway I'm just one of those that believes good things can happen at any age. Please give it a go, get in touch with people, join a few things if you can.
DM me if you need a chat. And keep supporting the Rs, cos the highs are just about worth the terrible lows...
i know your not looking for sympathy, but that is a heart wrenching post mate. i hope the kiddy fiddler had what was coming to him, nothing much you can do when one of your parents is basically the instigator, and the other as you say would'nt understand. pretty strange what your dad said as well, in his mind it was a cover up.
hope you take oz's offer and meet up.....its never too late, 68, your still young.
Hey I have no idea where you are in Oz but I'm in Sydney and if you want to meet up for maybe an A league game or just a Coffee. I hate the thought of someone being lonely. Even if you just want a chat, reach out.
Loftgirl, I must admit I thought you were a girl, given the name, so thanks for clearing that up...
Been thinking about replying to your post all day. Didn't want to say anything trite. Then again everything I think of to say sounds trite. But then it seems worse to me not to say anything at all, so here goes.
I just wish all that hadn't happened to you, it's so unfair and you deserved soooo much better. Both your parents let you down, and it's such a shame that you weren't lucky enough to have the right people around you that could have been the right kind of friends.
Given what you've been through, you've made a big success of your life. I can't imagine having the guts to move to the other side of the world. Having a son that you've given a different life to than the one you had is an unimaginable success. Many people who've been abused and neglected struggle to do that for their children. They haven't been given the blueprint for it and they can't make their own. You've managed it for your son and you must be so proud of him.
Anyway I'm just one of those that believes good things can happen at any age. Please give it a go, get in touch with people, join a few things if you can.
DM me if you need a chat. And keep supporting the Rs, cos the highs are just about worth the terrible lows...
Thanks. The support and kind words on here has been great. Typical of the QPR family.
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