| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 862205 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:08 - Oct 12 with 9094 views | Boston |
Took a boat down the river the other day.
Alighting at Greenwich I found out it was two hours before the boat made the return journey.
Asked the local guide what should I do in the mean time? [Post edited 12 Oct 2021 1:09]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:26 - Oct 12 with 8991 views | Sonofpugwash |
I was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today. He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:55 - Oct 14 with 8744 views | Esox_Lucius |
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a bus-stop.
The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.
and barks repeatedly. No answer.
He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He does this again and again.
No answer.
So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
Eventually a small guy opens it and starts shouting at the dog.
The butcher runs up & says “what are you shouting at him for? This dog is a genius!!!” “Genius!!!” The owner says “You’ve got to be kidding, that’s the 3rd time this week he’s forgotten his key!!! |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:59 - Oct 14 with 8742 views | Esox_Lucius |
A strange fact is that Australia's biggest export is Boomerangs and they are also their biggest import. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:06 - Oct 14 with 8557 views | Myke |
I asked a friend of mine what was the name of that famous Irish concert promoter who died a few years ago.
'Jim Aiken' he replied.
I said I was sure he was from Ireland, but couldn't remember his name | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:47 - Oct 15 with 8440 views | Esox_Lucius |
So I got to the airport and I said to the woman behind the counter, "Cluck cluck cluck, buck buck, buck, cluck cluck” She said,
"No, sir, this is the check-in desk." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:01 - Oct 16 with 8297 views | Esox_Lucius |
Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Pete.
Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..' ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand ' | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:11 - Oct 16 with 8252 views | DavieQPR |
Can you imagine the self control needed to work in a bubble wrap factory. |  | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:20 - Oct 17 with 8108 views | Sonofpugwash |
My partner Jo said to me earlier "I've told you before about this - you're addicted to body lotion!"
I said "Go ahead,rub it in". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:20 - Oct 17 with 8026 views | Esox_Lucius |
Playing a game at the local Snooker club, when my mate balanced a bottle of shampoo on top of the spider in the rack. When I asked him what it was, he said it was head and shoulders above the rest. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Oct 18 with 7891 views | Sonofpugwash |
I was seriously addicted to the Hokey Cokey.
But eventually I turned around. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:32 - Oct 19 with 7695 views | Myke |
My girlfriend dumped me because of my weird pasta fetish .
I'm feeling cannelloni right now. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:35 - Oct 19 with 7680 views | Myke |
So I got a new girl and asked her when her birthday was.
'March 1st', she said
So I walked rapidly up and down the hallway and asked her again | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:15 - Oct 20 with 7553 views | Sonofpugwash |
My partner Jo got annoyed when I dropped some ice cubes and kicked them under the refrigerator.
Thankfully now it's just water under the fridge. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:22 - Oct 20 with 7527 views | Myke |
I used to have a phobia about speed ramps, but I am slowly getting over it | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:20 - Oct 20 with 7490 views | Sonofpugwash |
My auntie Jean came over for tea during which she asked "You're a man of the world,I need some advice.I found some BDSM magazines under my young son's bed,how do I stop him?"
"I suppose spanking is out of the question then?" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:38 - Oct 20 with 7482 views | Sonofpugwash |
My mate Steve is having great success with his exploding prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:20 - Oct 21 with 7332 views | qprphil |
I stepped into an elevator today, and a very large breasted woman stepped in with me.
As I was staring at her because I couldn't help it, she says, " could you press one please" so I did, I really don't remember much after that.!!!!!!!! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:30 - Oct 21 with 7275 views | johann28 |
Young Simon is desperate to get married and has a few lined up but needs some backup from the folks. He says to his dad
'dad .... I want to marry Janet Francis'.
'oh no' says dad. 'you can't do that, son - so sorry to break it to you, but she's your sister'.
'oh fk' says Simon. 'well, what about Mary Bowles?'
'ah ' says dad, 'i 'm afraid she's your sister too. Sorry son'.
After a few more attempts at goal, poor ol Simon goes in despair to his mother.
'Mum ... I really want to get married, but everyone i choose dad he says I can't, because everyone I suggest he says is my sister.'
Mum looks to the heavens. 'Don't fret son. He's not your father.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:02 - Oct 22 with 7160 views | loftboy |
I asked my boss if l could leave work half an hour early today. He said, "Only if you make up the time"
I said, "Ok it's 35 past 50" |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Oct 22 with 7080 views | GaryT |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Oct 18 by Sonofpugwash |
I was seriously addicted to the Hokey Cokey.
But eventually I turned around. |
Which reminds me of this one...
What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about? |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:55 - Oct 22 with 7034 views | Mick_S |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Oct 22 by GaryT |
Which reminds me of this one...
What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about? |
Bloke who wrote the Hokey Cokey died the other day; they had terrible trouble burying him. They got his left leg in … |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:27 - Oct 22 with 9193 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:55 - Oct 22 by Mick_S |
Bloke who wrote the Hokey Cokey died the other day; they had terrible trouble burying him. They got his left leg in … |
The bloke who invented the crossword puzzle was recently buried at 6 down and 3 across. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Oct 22 with 9161 views | Sonofpugwash |
It's been months since I ordered the book ' How to avoid online scams.'
It still hasn't arrived. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:49 - Oct 22 with 9160 views | Sonofpugwash |
I couldn’t find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids.
Apparently, she left me two days ago. | |
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