| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 862198 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:01 - Dec 21 with 7851 views | johncharles |
Boris Johnson has ordered an emergency Cabernet meeting |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Dec 21 with 7788 views | OldPedro |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:01 - Dec 21 by johncharles |
Boris Johnson has ordered an emergency Cabernet meeting |
I wonder what his favourite cheese is?? |  |
| Extra mature cheddar......a simple cheese for a simple man |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:27 - Dec 21 with 7635 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Dec 21 by OldPedro |
I wonder what his favourite cheese is?? |
Foreskinzola. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:20 - Dec 22 with 7570 views | Boston |
What d'ya call a fish with no eyes?
Fssh. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:31 - Dec 22 with 7563 views | Boston |
From the sixth floor of a burning apartment building a woman is screaming for help.
A passing pedestrian shouts out for her to jump.
Terrified, she cannot comply.
The pedestrian again tells her to jump, adding that he is a wide receiver in the NFL and will catch her before she hits the ground.
The woman edges forward then asks, "what team do you play for?"
"The New York Jets" comes the reply.
Grimmacing, the lady turns around and takes her chances with the fire. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:00 - Dec 22 with 7412 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:31 - Dec 22 by Boston |
From the sixth floor of a burning apartment building a woman is screaming for help.
A passing pedestrian shouts out for her to jump.
Terrified, she cannot comply.
The pedestrian again tells her to jump, adding that he is a wide receiver in the NFL and will catch her before she hits the ground.
The woman edges forward then asks, "what team do you play for?"
"The New York Jets" comes the reply.
Grimmacing, the lady turns around and takes her chances with the fire. |
I was stood on the top of the high diving board at my local swimming pool with a large fish under my arm.
The lifeguard shouts up at me "What are you doing"?
I replied "A triple somersault with a Pike". [Post edited 23 Dec 2021 9:45]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:36 - Dec 22 with 7355 views | Myke |
In a related incident to the previous two posts I was at the top of a very famous tower in Paris. I leaned over a bit too far to get a better view and...
Eiffel | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:39 - Dec 22 with 7345 views | Myke |
For years I slept on old magazines and newspapers. As a result I have a lot of back issues | | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:13 - Dec 23 with 7199 views | loftboy |
I hope this Christmas is better than last years, which was the quietest one ever after my dear old dyslexic Gran made us a Christmas cake and mistakenly covered it in Tamazepan......... |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:13 - Dec 23 with 7158 views | Sonofpugwash |
Very interetsing documentary on Welsh tv at the moment.The tale of a member of downstairs staff working in a Victorian Pembrokeshire hunting estate and his attempts to be environmentally friendly called How Green Was My Valet. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:11 - Dec 24 with 6927 views | acricketer |
Remember back when we used to eat cake someone had just blew over?
Boy, we were wild! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:16 - Dec 24 with 6920 views | Boston |
I'm giving people dead batteries for Christmas...they're free of charge. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:00 - Dec 24 with 6867 views | Boston |
What d'ya call a kid who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
Rebel without a Claus. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:06 - Dec 24 with 6810 views | Boston |
Why can't turkeys eat Christmas dinner?
They're already stuffed. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:16 - Dec 24 with 6803 views | Boston |
Who's Santa's favourite singer?
Elfis Presley. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:21 - Dec 24 with 6797 views | loftboy |
My daughter was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.
I said he was a poor boy from a poor family! [Post edited 24 Dec 2021 21:05]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:16 - Dec 24 with 6734 views | Boston |
What's the difference between a Christmas and an ordinary alphabet?
Christmas has no el. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:27 - Dec 25 with 6576 views | Esox_Lucius |
Are people who are scared of Santa Claustrophobic? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:16 - Dec 25 with 6479 views | Myke |
I once heard about this very large but very shy rock. All it wanted was to be a little boulder | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:11 - Dec 26 with 6310 views | acricketer |
I asked my doctor if masturbation was bad for my eyesight.
He said, "You're in Halford's mate!" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:18 - Dec 28 with 6103 views | Esox_Lucius |
“I've been cheating on you,”
I said to the missus, She said, “Really? Honestly?
You lousy b@st@rd,”
“and furthermore” I said
“she says I am amazing in bed”
“Feckin hell” she said “you silly b@st@rd,
you had me going there for a minute as well.” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:08 - Dec 29 with 5969 views | Esox_Lucius |
A woman brings her very limp Duck to the emergency vet.
The woman puts her duck on the table and the vet puts his stethoscope on the duck's chest, listens very carefully and slowly shakes his head.
I'm sorry but your duck Cuddles has passed away. The woman gets very distressed and starts to cry then says how can you be so sure you haven't done any tests or anything.
The Vet rolls his eyes goes out of the room and comes back with a brown Labrador dog. The Dog puts his front paws on the table sniffs around the duck looks at the vet and shakes his head.
The vet brings the dog out and comes back with a cat. The cat jumps up on the table sniffs all around the duck looks at the vet and shakes her head.
The vet takes the cat out of the room and comes back shortly with a bill for £150. The woman gets very agitated saying £150 for what? Just so you can tell me my duck is dead.
The vet says if you had taken my word it would have only been £20 but after The lab report & the cat scan it's now £150 | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:09 - Dec 31 with 9116 views | Esox_Lucius |
I thought I heard Tubular Bells on my farm this winter, but it was just
my cold field. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:46 - Dec 31 with 9019 views | Esox_Lucius |
Sister Rita a nun was sitting by her convent window one evening as she opened a letter from home: inside the letter was a £50 note from her parents. Sister Rita smiled but as she continued to read the letter by what was left of the last glimmers of daylight coming through her window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamp post in the street below. Quickly she took a piece of paper and wrote, "Don't despair - Sister Rita". She then wrapped the £50 note in it and having got the man's attention, she tossed the wrapped note out of the window to him. The stranger picked it up and read what was on the paper. He looked up, tipped his hat and slowly made his way down the street and into the darkness. Meanwhile, Sister Rita returned to her letter hoping he would use the money wisely.
The following day, Sister Rita was told that there was a man at the main door of the convent insisting that he should see her so, she made her way down the stairs to see what the commotion was all about. True enough, she found the stranger, who she had last seen standing in the street, waiting for her. Without a word, he handed her an envelope stuffed full with £50 notes.
"What's this?" she asked.
"It's your winnings Sister," he replied, "Don't Despair came in at 80-1." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:11 - Jan 8 with 8762 views | loftboy |
John Thaw’s immortal detective character used to run a college class at Oxford where he combined tomato ketchup making with Viking funerals.
It was his Morse Norse Sauce Course | |
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