| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 799593 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:47 - Oct 18 with 7639 views | acricketer |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:35 - Oct 18 by Boston |
Got to be a some sort of issue there because the last time Spock used his toilet he found the Captains Log. |
At the same time he didn't find any loo roll so had to fight the Clingons. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:49 - Oct 18 with 7639 views | Boston |
I was down the local bar this evening telling my American mates just how polite the English were. "Why" says I, "even their wars are civil". [Post edited 18 Oct 2020 1:50]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 02:42 - Oct 18 with 7612 views | GaryT |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:47 - Oct 18 by acricketer |
At the same time he didn't find any loo roll so had to fight the Clingons. |
Not a problem for James T Kirk though, I understand the T stands for Teflon. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Oct 18 with 7543 views | MickS |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:35 - Oct 18 by Boston |
Got to be a some sort of issue there because the last time Spock used his toilet he found the Captains Log. |
He tried to boldly go where no one has gone before. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:32 - Oct 18 with 7429 views | acricketer |
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:32 - Oct 25 with 7246 views | Boston |
Apologies to all my mates with connections to the 'boot'...any consolation this was told to me this morning by a gent called DeRosa...
What is the Italian Battle Flag?
A white cross on a white background. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 with 7146 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:32 - Oct 25 by Boston |
Apologies to all my mates with connections to the 'boot'...any consolation this was told to me this morning by a gent called DeRosa...
What is the Italian Battle Flag?
A white cross on a white background. |
When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.
I think he might have been joking.
* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:47 - Oct 25 with 7117 views | Boston |
I have a load of jokes about unemployed people, but none of 'em work. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:27 - Oct 30 with 6996 views | qprxtc |
John Wayne went for a porn film audition and got turned down.
They told him he went off half cocked.
And he was too big leggy.
(I made those up, alcohol is beautiful mysterious git) |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 30 with 6987 views | Boston |
A perfectionist walked into a bar, apparently it wasn’t set high enough. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:08 - Oct 31 with 6952 views | qprxtc |
A baker told a customer a joke.
It raised a Rye smile. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:15 - Oct 31 with 6940 views | qprxtc |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 30 by Boston |
A perfectionist walked into a bar, apparently it wasn’t set high enough. |
Ha ! I’m nicking that! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:32 - Nov 3 with 6844 views | stevec |
Just got back from my local Tesco. I saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 Paella’s and 3 Sombreros. I thought to myself...
Hispanic buying. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:42 - Nov 3 with 6804 views | hantssi |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 by Dorse |
When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.
I think he might have been joking.
* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant. |
Agreed, brilliant place, got a free tour there a few years ago as we were pricing a job there.
As a coincidence, I’m currently pricing another project there, with a bit of luck we’ll get another free tour. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Nov 4 with 6708 views | distortR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:42 - Nov 3 by hantssi |
Agreed, brilliant place, got a free tour there a few years ago as we were pricing a job there.
As a coincidence, I’m currently pricing another project there, with a bit of luck we’ll get another free tour. |
shit joke, Hants. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:10 - Nov 4 with 6675 views | Mick_S |
| Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Nov 4 by distortR |
shit joke, Hants. |
I don't get it. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:00 - Nov 5 with 6614 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 by Dorse |
When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.
I think he might have been joking.
* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant. |
If you're going to repeat this hoary old chestnut, at least get it right:
Italian tanks - six reverse gears and one forward gear (in case they get attacked from the rear) | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:45 - Nov 5 with 6497 views | Esox_Lucius |
A woman sends a text message to her husband. "Don't forget to buy bread when you leave work and before you greet Valerie"
Husband texts back "Who is Valerie?"
Wife: "Nobody, I just wanted you to text me back and confirm you had read my message".
Husband: "But I am with Valerie right now, I thought you had seen us".
Wife: "What! Where are you?"
Husband: I am at the bakery right now".
Wife: "Wait there, I'll be there in five minutes"
Five minutes pass by and the the wife sends another text message."Where are you? I am stood outside the bakery"
Husband: "I am still at work but since you are at the bakery, you can pick up the bread".
[Post edited 6 Nov 2020 9:20]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:15 - Nov 6 with 6448 views | johncharles |
What’s the difference between Italians and toast ?
You can make soldiers with toast |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:28 - Nov 6 with 6344 views | qprxtc |
I've got a new job collecting leaves.
I'll be raking it in. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 6 with 6330 views | BlackCrowe |
Not sure how well this one writes because i enjoy telling it, but here goes...
Dimtri is sat on top a hill looking down on the main town of the greek island he has spent his entire life on. He is upset and distressed.
A walker comes by and stop and says 'My friend - what's wrong?'
- Well, look down on the town there. You see that building on the left of the port with the blue windown frames. In my twenties, i built that with my own bare hands, so that island's children could finally have a school to learn in.
And do they now call me Dimitri the Educator? No they don't
- And that building the left of it with the steeple. I built that Church from scratch, so the island's people had a place for prayer, and do they call me Dimitri the Faithgiver. No they don't.
- You see that big white building to the right of the port. Well in my fifties, i raised the funding, built that hospital myself and got the best doctors and nurses over from Athens. And do they call me Dimitri the Healthprovider? No they don't.
<scroll down dear reader>
- I shag one sheep.... |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:49 - Nov 6 with 6321 views | Mick_S |
I quit my job working at a helium factory
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice. | |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:05 - Nov 6 with 6231 views | Esox_Lucius |
A few years ago I signed up for my first ever parachute jump. To say I was nervous would be a gross understatement but the people running it told not to worry as I would be strapped to an experienced instructor who would help with my nerves.
Imagine how I felt after having jumped out of the plane and the bloke strapped to my back shouts out "So, how long have you been an instructor"? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:40 - Nov 6 with 6215 views | Boston |
If you’re skydiving and your parachute doesn’t work, DON’T PANIC
You’ve got the rest of your life to open it. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:46 - Nov 7 with 6133 views | Esox_Lucius |
Three weeks after her wedding day, Anna called the vicar,” she wailed “Dave and I have had a DREADFUL fight”
“Calm down, my child,” said the vicar, it’s not half as bad as you think, every marriage has to have its first fight”
“I know, I know” said Anna, “but what am I going to do with the BODY!” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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