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I went to see my doctor because I had been feeling run down lately. She took one look at my wrinkled clothes and said it was definitely an iron deficiency.
The grass is always greener.
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:33 - Jul 22 with 7561 views
His brother went crazy and fell into a river in Paris. Experts say he's in Seine
Did anyone see that documentary about a 70's porn star who decided to smash his penis with a 14lb sledge to mark his retirement from the industry? It was called "Holmes Under The Hammer".
The grass is always greener.
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Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Jul 25 with 7398 views
I phoned the RSPCA and told them that there was a pole cat clinging onto my ceiling fan . They said they didn't believe me . I said You'll just have to take my whirred ferret.
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:58 - Jul 25 with 7319 views
Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Jul 25 by acricketer
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
My wife has never been very good in the kitchen. The other day she made me some sandwiches for work, after a couple of bites I had to throw them away. When I got home I asked her what the fck did she put in them? "Crab paste " comes the answer. "Christ, where did you get that?" "The chemist" she replied.
I was at a job interview yesterday when the manager handed me a laptop and said: “I want you to try to sell this to me.” So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home. Later he called me and said: “Bring my laptop back now.” I said: “£200 and it’s yours.”
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Corny Joke Warning on 00:12 - Aug 1 with 6940 views
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it..."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who the Fück did your hair?"
The grass is always greener.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Aug 6 with 6428 views
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