| Christmas party stories 2015 13:05 - Dec 19 with 3896 views | nix |
So my husband had his mates' Christmas party last night. They are Geordies, so a number of beverages were consumed. Despite this, his homing instinct kicked in and he got home safely, prepared and ate the required three cheese toasties and took himself off to the spare room as not a pretty sight. Anyhow I was awoken at three this morning to the doorbell ringing. Thinking bad news I rushed downstairs to see my husbands arm sticking through the letterbox. Yeah, he'd sleepwalked and locked himself out, and been in the front garden hiding in his pants for the half hour before I woke up.
Jingle bells.... |  | | |  |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 14:54 - Dec 19 with 3721 views | welwynranger |
True story
About 10 years ago on New Years Eve. At 12 o'clock my mate Steve did the rounds kissing all the women shaking hands with the men etc. Then later took the. 20 minute walk home . When he arrived he found his daughter and her boyfriend there . His daughter said "can I ask you a question" "cause you can". Where's mum |  | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 17:32 - Dec 19 with 3573 views | gigiisourgod |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 14:54 - Dec 19 by welwynranger |
True story
About 10 years ago on New Years Eve. At 12 o'clock my mate Steve did the rounds kissing all the women shaking hands with the men etc. Then later took the. 20 minute walk home . When he arrived he found his daughter and her boyfriend there . His daughter said "can I ask you a question" "cause you can". Where's mum |
Absolutely fantastic thread title.
But can add no further comment as currently unemployed... [Post edited 19 Dec 2015 17:41]
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 18:22 - Dec 19 with 3462 views | nix |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 17:32 - Dec 19 by gigiisourgod |
Absolutely fantastic thread title.
But can add no further comment as currently unemployed... [Post edited 19 Dec 2015 17:41]
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Here's hoping for a fantastic Christmas party story from you for 2016. Good luck in the job hunting! | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 09:05 - Dec 20 with 3267 views | Monkey_Roots |
Christmas party 2005.
I had just joined a company 2 weeks prior to said party. It was a Friday afternoon, the party was set for the next evening at the Landmark hotel in London.
In the 2 weeks since I joined, I had been trying to integrate myself into the company, make friends etc. I had a bit of banter with the managing directors PA - a small, plump 50 year old who seemed nice and friendly. As she was leaving on the Friday, she walked past the studio where I was working, I looked up and seeing my opportunity to engage her with a parting comment to cement our fledgling working relationship, I called out "hey Jayne!"... She stops and looks at me, waiting for a mildly amusing comment. The whole studio is now looking up, here's my chance...
Now what I meant to say was "wear your dancing pants tomorrow night!", the suggestion being that I would be whisking her around the dancefloor, generally becoming known as a lively participant at my first work do.
What actually came out was "wear some pants tomorrow night".
She looked at me a bit flushed. Me, realising my mistake, and wanting to reassure her that my intentions had been pure then blurted out "nothing dirty!"... To Jayne this now looked like the new office upstart was asking her - the managing directors PA no less - to ensure that she departed from her usual protocol and wore some clean underwear.
I, now in full on panic-mode, then rounded off this utter verbal diarrhoea with "you know, Lambada", adding a little shimmy with my arms to reinforce the message.
She looked confused, embarrassed, and a bit hurt and just left, I turned to look at the rest of the studio, who were just sitting there open-mouthed with a general look of 'what the fcuk was that?'. Someone broke the ice and laughed, I then slipped into company folklore as the idiot who sexually harassed the MD's PA in his first few weeks.
The party was awkward, I never went near the dancefloor. |  | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 09:15 - Dec 20 with 3228 views | loftboy |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 09:05 - Dec 20 by Monkey_Roots |
Christmas party 2005.
I had just joined a company 2 weeks prior to said party. It was a Friday afternoon, the party was set for the next evening at the Landmark hotel in London.
In the 2 weeks since I joined, I had been trying to integrate myself into the company, make friends etc. I had a bit of banter with the managing directors PA - a small, plump 50 year old who seemed nice and friendly. As she was leaving on the Friday, she walked past the studio where I was working, I looked up and seeing my opportunity to engage her with a parting comment to cement our fledgling working relationship, I called out "hey Jayne!"... She stops and looks at me, waiting for a mildly amusing comment. The whole studio is now looking up, here's my chance...
Now what I meant to say was "wear your dancing pants tomorrow night!", the suggestion being that I would be whisking her around the dancefloor, generally becoming known as a lively participant at my first work do.
What actually came out was "wear some pants tomorrow night".
She looked at me a bit flushed. Me, realising my mistake, and wanting to reassure her that my intentions had been pure then blurted out "nothing dirty!"... To Jayne this now looked like the new office upstart was asking her - the managing directors PA no less - to ensure that she departed from her usual protocol and wore some clean underwear.
I, now in full on panic-mode, then rounded off this utter verbal diarrhoea with "you know, Lambada", adding a little shimmy with my arms to reinforce the message.
She looked confused, embarrassed, and a bit hurt and just left, I turned to look at the rest of the studio, who were just sitting there open-mouthed with a general look of 'what the fcuk was that?'. Someone broke the ice and laughed, I then slipped into company folklore as the idiot who sexually harassed the MD's PA in his first few weeks.
The party was awkward, I never went near the dancefloor. |
Brilliant |  |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 10:12 - Dec 20 with 3160 views | nix |
Great story Monkey roots. Thx! | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 10:46 - Dec 20 with 3119 views | barabajagal |
Drunk too much, even for me on Friday. Was last man standing by 1.30 am... Sounds early but we'd been on it since midday. Anyway, got home only to find I had lost my keys somewhere. So had to break in to my own flat by bricking the bathroom window and climbing in. Slashing jacket in the process.
Idiot!
Happy Christmas |  | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 14:39 - Dec 20 with 2981 views | Gloucs_R |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 09:05 - Dec 20 by Monkey_Roots |
Christmas party 2005.
I had just joined a company 2 weeks prior to said party. It was a Friday afternoon, the party was set for the next evening at the Landmark hotel in London.
In the 2 weeks since I joined, I had been trying to integrate myself into the company, make friends etc. I had a bit of banter with the managing directors PA - a small, plump 50 year old who seemed nice and friendly. As she was leaving on the Friday, she walked past the studio where I was working, I looked up and seeing my opportunity to engage her with a parting comment to cement our fledgling working relationship, I called out "hey Jayne!"... She stops and looks at me, waiting for a mildly amusing comment. The whole studio is now looking up, here's my chance...
Now what I meant to say was "wear your dancing pants tomorrow night!", the suggestion being that I would be whisking her around the dancefloor, generally becoming known as a lively participant at my first work do.
What actually came out was "wear some pants tomorrow night".
She looked at me a bit flushed. Me, realising my mistake, and wanting to reassure her that my intentions had been pure then blurted out "nothing dirty!"... To Jayne this now looked like the new office upstart was asking her - the managing directors PA no less - to ensure that she departed from her usual protocol and wore some clean underwear.
I, now in full on panic-mode, then rounded off this utter verbal diarrhoea with "you know, Lambada", adding a little shimmy with my arms to reinforce the message.
She looked confused, embarrassed, and a bit hurt and just left, I turned to look at the rest of the studio, who were just sitting there open-mouthed with a general look of 'what the fcuk was that?'. Someone broke the ice and laughed, I then slipped into company folklore as the idiot who sexually harassed the MD's PA in his first few weeks.
The party was awkward, I never went near the dancefloor. |
Not a Christmas story but similar you yours.
I had just been promoted and was put on a management course with all of my senior executives and management teams. We had to discuss what success the person next to us have had. I was next to the attractive marketing manager, attractive but a power bitch.
So I stand up and start taking about her and what I meant to say was.. Runa had been having great success with Tim's team.... What came out of my mouth was Runa has been having great sex with Tim.
Tim was the sales director and was rumoured to be banging her in secret anyway.
I left three months later! |  |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 11:08 - Dec 23 with 2703 views | ozranger |
With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience regarding drinking and driving over the Christmas period. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, a couple of days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had more than a few beers, followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and a few ports. Although nicely relaxed, I had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!
Sure enough, on the way home there was a police breath testing unit, but since I was in a taxi, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, if you want to borrow it, give me a call and you too can keep out of trouble with the boys in blue.
Merry Christmas. |  | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 11:16 - Dec 23 with 2682 views | Toast_R |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 11:08 - Dec 23 by ozranger |
With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience regarding drinking and driving over the Christmas period. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, a couple of days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had more than a few beers, followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and a few ports. Although nicely relaxed, I had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!
Sure enough, on the way home there was a police breath testing unit, but since I was in a taxi, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, if you want to borrow it, give me a call and you too can keep out of trouble with the boys in blue.
Merry Christmas. |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:06 - Dec 23 with 2641 views | wombat |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 11:16 - Dec 23 by Toast_R |
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xmas do many moons ago in watford , early hours of the morning and a bottle of vodka later and i was chatting to a very attractive south african girl from accounts who was on the pre xmas downer , she had hooked up with this pr1ck who was a well known sniffer of the white stuff , I wasnt a huge fan esp as she was stunning , so to shut her up from being on a total downer I threatened to suck her big toe she obviously called my bluff by not shutting up so big toe was sucked , actually not that unpleasent an experience, she ended up marrying him a year later and I was invited to the hen do 15 women 1 bloke and yes im happily married |  |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:44 - Dec 23 with 2596 views | Monkey_Roots |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:06 - Dec 23 by wombat |
xmas do many moons ago in watford , early hours of the morning and a bottle of vodka later and i was chatting to a very attractive south african girl from accounts who was on the pre xmas downer , she had hooked up with this pr1ck who was a well known sniffer of the white stuff , I wasnt a huge fan esp as she was stunning , so to shut her up from being on a total downer I threatened to suck her big toe she obviously called my bluff by not shutting up so big toe was sucked , actually not that unpleasent an experience, she ended up marrying him a year later and I was invited to the hen do 15 women 1 bloke and yes im happily married |
A very bizarre story.
"If you don't shut up, i'm gonna suck your big toe!"
I would have started higher up and let her negotiate me down... you went in too low. | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:54 - Dec 23 with 2576 views | paulparker |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:06 - Dec 23 by wombat |
xmas do many moons ago in watford , early hours of the morning and a bottle of vodka later and i was chatting to a very attractive south african girl from accounts who was on the pre xmas downer , she had hooked up with this pr1ck who was a well known sniffer of the white stuff , I wasnt a huge fan esp as she was stunning , so to shut her up from being on a total downer I threatened to suck her big toe she obviously called my bluff by not shutting up so big toe was sucked , actually not that unpleasent an experience, she ended up marrying him a year later and I was invited to the hen do 15 women 1 bloke and yes im happily married |
At least we know your fetish now Wombat
I had a mate who loved woman's feet so much he went on to work in Selfridges shoe department so he could touch woman's feet all day
Bit of a strange one him as he would also sniff there shoes |  |
| And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 13:18 - Dec 23 with 2540 views | FredManRave |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:54 - Dec 23 by paulparker |
At least we know your fetish now Wombat
I had a mate who loved woman's feet so much he went on to work in Selfridges shoe department so he could touch woman's feet all day
Bit of a strange one him as he would also sniff there shoes |
Wasnt the same mate that kept his foreskin in a jar was it?!
Is is possible that you were the most sensible one of all your mates, PP?! |  |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 14:22 - Dec 23 with 2466 views | Toast_R |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:44 - Dec 23 by Monkey_Roots |
A very bizarre story.
"If you don't shut up, i'm gonna suck your big toe!"
I would have started higher up and let her negotiate me down... you went in too low. |
I was waiting for a punch line that didn't arrive. | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 15:55 - Dec 23 with 2378 views | wombat |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 12:44 - Dec 23 by Monkey_Roots |
A very bizarre story.
"If you don't shut up, i'm gonna suck your big toe!"
I would have started higher up and let her negotiate me down... you went in too low. |
vodka made the descison for me im affraid , somebody had the bright idea around midnight to up ther anti to triples instead of the standard double we had been drinking all night , this took place around 2 hrs after the triples kicked in , plus she was and still is way out of my league im sorry to say | |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 16:05 - Dec 23 with 2362 views | Metallica_Hoop |
After ours about 8 years ago I was waiting for the bus at Shepherds Bush Green and a alchoholic/tramp started talking to me anyway I sat down gave him a ciggie and we started chatting. (he was quite a nice scots fella who I think went downhill after his wife died)
Anyway bus didn't turn up and some wellish dressed young lads with girls walked past and started giving us abuse because they though we were both tramps.
I raised myself on my knees and started to abuse them loudly in my best Latymer accent. The look on their faces was a picture they sped up double time.
The best thing though was when I turned back you've never seen an old tramp looking so happy. He offered me his bottle of meths  |  |
| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| Christmas party stories 2015 on 19:57 - Dec 23 with 2217 views | nix |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 16:05 - Dec 23 by Metallica_Hoop |
After ours about 8 years ago I was waiting for the bus at Shepherds Bush Green and a alchoholic/tramp started talking to me anyway I sat down gave him a ciggie and we started chatting. (he was quite a nice scots fella who I think went downhill after his wife died)
Anyway bus didn't turn up and some wellish dressed young lads with girls walked past and started giving us abuse because they though we were both tramps.
I raised myself on my knees and started to abuse them loudly in my best Latymer accent. The look on their faces was a picture they sped up double time.
The best thing though was when I turned back you've never seen an old tramp looking so happy. He offered me his bottle of meths |
Good for u Metallica. Don't know what they were thinking. Apart from being w**kers I'd have quickly dumped any guy who thought it cool to abuse the homeless. | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 19:02 - Dec 24 with 1992 views | welwynranger |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 11:08 - Dec 23 by ozranger |
With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience regarding drinking and driving over the Christmas period. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, a couple of days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had more than a few beers, followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and a few ports. Although nicely relaxed, I had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!
Sure enough, on the way home there was a police breath testing unit, but since I was in a taxi, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, if you want to borrow it, give me a call and you too can keep out of trouble with the boys in blue.
Merry Christmas. |
If anyone can remember or has the ability to check they will see that I posted that about this time last year. Just saying like | | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 21:01 - Dec 24 with 1921 views | Northernr |
Gatecrashing with a New Year story? Anyway, the day of the John Jensen goal (Gallen, Allen, Impey also scored) came at a time when we were actually living in London, rather than up north. So whole family poured down on the train, grans, grandads, uncle, aunt, cousin, slept all over the place in our house. Day of the game we all go to the match, everybody gets tanked up, we head back home afterwards, the adults go out and get more tanked up while the grans look after us kids and watch Match of the Day. Everybody piles back in in the small hours and collapses around the place, Uncle Shaun, bit of a wrong-un, crashes out on the sofa in the living room.
Now, not to bore you with the layout of our old house, but as you get to the top of the stairs and turn left that's the bathroom and if you then turn left again that's the toilet. However, if you get to the top of the stairs and turn right, that's the master bedroom, and if you turn right again, that's the wash basket in the master bedroom.
You've probably telegraphed this now but about 4am the beer takes effect on Uncle Shaun and he heads upstairs from the living room with a bladder full, turning right and then right again rather than left and left. Lifts up the lid of the washbasket and starts to relieve himself. My mum, woken by a stranger in the bedroom, shakes my father awake from his stupor and whispers, with some urgency "Robert, Robert, there's somebody in the bedroom."
My father creeps out of bed bollock naked, selects a golf club from his bag in the corner, and takes his best shot. And that's how the Whittingham family New Year's Day outing to Kingston Eye Hospital, via Kingston A+E, occurred.
This post has been edited by an administrator |  | | |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 22:10 - Dec 24 with 1859 views | wombat |
| Christmas party stories 2015 on 21:01 - Dec 24 by Northernr |
Gatecrashing with a New Year story? Anyway, the day of the John Jensen goal (Gallen, Allen, Impey also scored) came at a time when we were actually living in London, rather than up north. So whole family poured down on the train, grans, grandads, uncle, aunt, cousin, slept all over the place in our house. Day of the game we all go to the match, everybody gets tanked up, we head back home afterwards, the adults go out and get more tanked up while the grans look after us kids and watch Match of the Day. Everybody piles back in in the small hours and collapses around the place, Uncle Shaun, bit of a wrong-un, crashes out on the sofa in the living room.
Now, not to bore you with the layout of our old house, but as you get to the top of the stairs and turn left that's the bathroom and if you then turn left again that's the toilet. However, if you get to the top of the stairs and turn right, that's the master bedroom, and if you turn right again, that's the wash basket in the master bedroom.
You've probably telegraphed this now but about 4am the beer takes effect on Uncle Shaun and he heads upstairs from the living room with a bladder full, turning right and then right again rather than left and left. Lifts up the lid of the washbasket and starts to relieve himself. My mum, woken by a stranger in the bedroom, shakes my father awake from his stupor and whispers, with some urgency "Robert, Robert, there's somebody in the bedroom."
My father creeps out of bed bollock naked, selects a golf club from his bag in the corner, and takes his best shot. And that's how the Whittingham family New Year's Day outing to Kingston Eye Hospital, via Kingston A+E, occurred.
This post has been edited by an administrator |
Friend had his birthday oVer Xmas so tradition was to head to his parents house in Northolt for a full on jolly up , prob 15 or so blokes few sisters etc you get the idea. His parents were good to us and had this old style 60s bar in the lounge beer on tap you name it so during the evening we all get tanked up as expected and the birthday boy disappears for a while with one of the females guests little while later he turns up in different clothes as does the girl who was wearing his jumper , turns out he took her cherry against one of the trees in the garden and she shall we say things a Lacoste t shirt and Lois cords.
Anyway night continues and in the early hours we all settle down for a few hrs sleep where ever we could , all going well until one lad needs to empty his bladder not easy with bodies strewn across the floor , he gets up hits the door frame and loses direction and walks back into the lounge . We was to drunk to care where he went at the time but witnessed this through the little light in the room .
Few of the lads were asleep under the bar unfortunatly for them as said mate emptied his bladder all over the bar area and of course the sleeping beauties under the bar .
So morning came and we all woke up and the lads who slept under the bar complained the beet tap was leaking as they'd woke up shall we say slightly covered in second hand lager . We told them the full story after the phantom pi$$er had left luckily | |
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