| Cringe 20:41 - Sep 15 with 4562 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
Memories of your own actions that keep you up at night. |  | | |  |
| Cringe on 21:13 - Sep 15 with 3729 views | PunteR |
Too many to mention. |  |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Cringe on 21:28 - Sep 15 with 3686 views | BlackCrowe |
| Cringe on 21:13 - Sep 15 by PunteR |
Too many to mention. |
Nope, not going there. |  |
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| Cringe on 23:20 - Sep 15 with 3534 views | Bushman |
You go first |  |
| I know almost nothing about the Premier League even though I try to catch the big games every now and then at the end of the season. But I will say this, Queens Park Rangers is just a fukking sick ass team name. Just sounds so cool. |
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| Cringe on 23:48 - Sep 15 with 3499 views | SouthallRanger |
| Cringe on 23:20 - Sep 15 by Bushman |
You go first |
#1 As a child in “middle school”. Boy from my brothers class (3 years older and coolest guy in school” comes up to me and says. “Have you seen David, he’s been spreading bullsh*t about me and sally”. I proceeded to run around the playground repeated that exact quote to nearly every kid in school on a one man witch hunt. Safe to say my brother had strong words with me. I was very slow in those days. Haunted me.
#2 early 20s. A years work placement as part of my degree. A portly colleague of mine comes round giving out treats for her birthday. Asks me to guess her age. I started out with “fffo” about to say forty, but then retracted and said “thirty five”…. It was her 28th birthday. Cut to the pub lunch… the girl who is usually life and soul of the party is depressed as f*ck. Repeating the story about how I was about to say 40. Birthday seemingly ruined. I’ve never guessed a womens age since. Just say 18 or 21 in jest.
#3. Early 30’s. I’ve just left a job mainly because of my one sided unrequited love for a colleague. Go on holiday to turkey on my own. Last night I end up in the bedroom of the most attractive women who booked the same package, beautiful, the body the lot. I held back playing dumb. She seduces me like something out of a steamy novel. Up to kissing and dry humping. She up for it. I suddenly pull back make an excuse and go to my room. Real reason was I was emotionally still hung up on my former colleague and felt in some way that I’d be cheating on her even though we never got together. Massively regretted since |  | | |
| Cringe (n/t) on 00:07 - Sep 16 with 3480 views | queensparker |
[Post edited 16 Sep 2022 0:57]
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| Cringe on 00:21 - Sep 16 with 3443 views | Boston |
Sure I'll talk....when the statute of limitations kicks in. | |
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| Cringe on 01:03 - Sep 16 with 3416 views | numptydumpty |
| Cringe on 00:21 - Sep 16 by Boston |
Sure I'll talk....when the statute of limitations kicks in. |
A job I could have loved, I hated.
Reason was the boss.
Slept with the loud mouthy colleague and her pay was extortionate for her input into the business.
Small company, and mainly women there, they all bitching about the above.
I was pissed off to be fair.
But in my naivety, I spoke up on behalf of myself and a few of the ladies and said in front of two of my colleagues, that it was said that we all believed he always overlooked this woman's.errors and allowed lateness, and favours over all other staff.
Thought in my young naive years would have been good to get such resentments out in the open.
The silence I got from the girls upon telling boss the error of his ways.
The proverbial hole very much wished to appear.
I left pretty soon afterwards feeling a right plum !!!!!! [Post edited 16 Sep 2022 1:05]
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| Cringe on 01:16 - Sep 16 with 3392 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Cringe on 23:20 - Sep 15 by Bushman |
You go first |
I’ll give you a tame one for now.
Aged 15 in a busy beach car park having a kick about with my reluctant 10 year old brother who I’ve stuck in goal (4ft high wall) to just take pot shots at. It wasn’t one of those floaty beach balls, it was a proper Euro 96 leather Mitre one.
The old man has told me to stop about three times while he’s unpacking the deckchairs because of all the motors and beach dwellers floating around. I’m a little shit so I’ve ignored him.
Spanked one, it’s hit the wall and bounced straight back to me and I’ve caught it like Tony Yeboah v Wimbledon and it’s gone dead straight like a rocket and over the wall by about a cm and into the boat race of a 80 year old woman walking on the other side of the wall.
Pandemonium, embarrassment, apologies, and a bollocking of a lifetime. She seemed shaken but alright but I often wondered how she fared afterwards. I hit it so hard she must have looked like the elephant man soon after. I made myself fcking scarce so I never found out.
Grim. [Post edited 16 Sep 2022 1:28]
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| Cringe on 01:21 - Sep 16 with 3380 views | PunteR |
| Cringe on 01:16 - Sep 16 by BazzaInTheLoft |
I’ll give you a tame one for now.
Aged 15 in a busy beach car park having a kick about with my reluctant 10 year old brother who I’ve stuck in goal (4ft high wall) to just take pot shots at. It wasn’t one of those floaty beach balls, it was a proper Euro 96 leather Mitre one.
The old man has told me to stop about three times while he’s unpacking the deckchairs because of all the motors and beach dwellers floating around. I’m a little shit so I’ve ignored him.
Spanked one, it’s hit the wall and bounced straight back to me and I’ve caught it like Tony Yeboah v Wimbledon and it’s gone dead straight like a rocket and over the wall by about a cm and into the boat race of a 80 year old woman walking on the other side of the wall.
Pandemonium, embarrassment, apologies, and a bollocking of a lifetime. She seemed shaken but alright but I often wondered how she fared afterwards. I hit it so hard she must have looked like the elephant man soon after. I made myself fcking scarce so I never found out.
Grim. [Post edited 16 Sep 2022 1:28]
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80 years old..?
Mate, you probably killed her off.
Sleep tight. | |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Cringe on 01:25 - Sep 16 with 3367 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Cringe on 01:21 - Sep 16 by PunteR |
80 years old..?
Mate, you probably killed her off.
Sleep tight. |
Genuinely I do wonder.
For about three months afterwards I was paranoid the number plate has been taken down by someone and I was going to go down for manslaughter. | | | |
| Cringe (n/t) on 01:27 - Sep 16 with 3355 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Cringe (n/t) on 00:07 - Sep 16 by queensparker |
[Post edited 16 Sep 2022 0:57]
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Haha you worried he’s on this forum | | | |
| Cringe on 01:27 - Sep 16 with 3353 views | PunteR |
| Cringe on 01:25 - Sep 16 by BazzaInTheLoft |
Genuinely I do wonder.
For about three months afterwards I was paranoid the number plate has been taken down by someone and I was going to go down for manslaughter. |
Nanslaughter more like. | |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Cringe on 01:28 - Sep 16 with 3349 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Cringe on 01:27 - Sep 16 by PunteR |
Nanslaughter more like. |
That’s fcking funny but I dare not laugh. | | | |
| Cringe on 08:52 - Sep 16 with 3048 views | R_from_afar |
| Cringe on 01:27 - Sep 16 by PunteR |
Nanslaughter more like. |
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| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Cringe on 10:22 - Sep 16 with 2954 views | daveB |
Most of my life is a permanant cringe fest, rarley get through a week without doing something stupid.
Going out with a girl at uni, she was a bit of alright, been snogging her in the pub before going to a club and her listick smudged so she looked like the Joker. I was on a promise as well, on top of the world that night. Walked in with music playing, saw my mate who had travelled up from London for the week across the room and waved thinking "see you took the piss out of me for years calling me Rodney now look at me with this stunner" as I let go of the girls hand she slipped and fell arse over tit down the stairs (was only about 4 steps), I composed myself and walked off as if nothing had happened leaving her on the floor and approached my mate to say fancy a pint. Poor girl was known as Wallop the Clown for the next few years, the relationship didn't last and I slept alone that night.
In the 00's had a job and was going for promotion, got on really well with my boss who was and still is very funny, me and her used to say the most outrageous things to each other down the pub, we'd both be sacked if we worked together today. Anyway she was interviewing me and the job was mine until she asked what kind of things will you do differently as a manager and I went into pub mode prat rather than man looking to get a pay rise. Quick as a flash I said "I'll probably spend less time staring at your tits", she fake laughed, the HR woman in the interview didn't like the joke and I didn't get the job. Was such a stupid thing to say, regretted it ever since.
The time I thought 2 girls I knew were joking about a threesome so laughed it off and left and my mate ended up having a threeesome with them is another one. He's not let me forget that one.
I'll stop now. |  | | |
| Cringe on 10:33 - Sep 16 with 2934 views | Loftgirl |
| Cringe on 10:22 - Sep 16 by daveB |
Most of my life is a permanant cringe fest, rarley get through a week without doing something stupid.
Going out with a girl at uni, she was a bit of alright, been snogging her in the pub before going to a club and her listick smudged so she looked like the Joker. I was on a promise as well, on top of the world that night. Walked in with music playing, saw my mate who had travelled up from London for the week across the room and waved thinking "see you took the piss out of me for years calling me Rodney now look at me with this stunner" as I let go of the girls hand she slipped and fell arse over tit down the stairs (was only about 4 steps), I composed myself and walked off as if nothing had happened leaving her on the floor and approached my mate to say fancy a pint. Poor girl was known as Wallop the Clown for the next few years, the relationship didn't last and I slept alone that night.
In the 00's had a job and was going for promotion, got on really well with my boss who was and still is very funny, me and her used to say the most outrageous things to each other down the pub, we'd both be sacked if we worked together today. Anyway she was interviewing me and the job was mine until she asked what kind of things will you do differently as a manager and I went into pub mode prat rather than man looking to get a pay rise. Quick as a flash I said "I'll probably spend less time staring at your tits", she fake laughed, the HR woman in the interview didn't like the joke and I didn't get the job. Was such a stupid thing to say, regretted it ever since.
The time I thought 2 girls I knew were joking about a threesome so laughed it off and left and my mate ended up having a threeesome with them is another one. He's not let me forget that one.
I'll stop now. |
Don't stop. |  | | |
| Cringe on 10:45 - Sep 16 with 2899 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Cringe on 10:22 - Sep 16 by daveB |
Most of my life is a permanant cringe fest, rarley get through a week without doing something stupid.
Going out with a girl at uni, she was a bit of alright, been snogging her in the pub before going to a club and her listick smudged so she looked like the Joker. I was on a promise as well, on top of the world that night. Walked in with music playing, saw my mate who had travelled up from London for the week across the room and waved thinking "see you took the piss out of me for years calling me Rodney now look at me with this stunner" as I let go of the girls hand she slipped and fell arse over tit down the stairs (was only about 4 steps), I composed myself and walked off as if nothing had happened leaving her on the floor and approached my mate to say fancy a pint. Poor girl was known as Wallop the Clown for the next few years, the relationship didn't last and I slept alone that night.
In the 00's had a job and was going for promotion, got on really well with my boss who was and still is very funny, me and her used to say the most outrageous things to each other down the pub, we'd both be sacked if we worked together today. Anyway she was interviewing me and the job was mine until she asked what kind of things will you do differently as a manager and I went into pub mode prat rather than man looking to get a pay rise. Quick as a flash I said "I'll probably spend less time staring at your tits", she fake laughed, the HR woman in the interview didn't like the joke and I didn't get the job. Was such a stupid thing to say, regretted it ever since.
The time I thought 2 girls I knew were joking about a threesome so laughed it off and left and my mate ended up having a threeesome with them is another one. He's not let me forget that one.
I'll stop now. |
If we’re doing cringey shagging stories, an old housemate of mine finally got his work colleague he’d been in love/lust with for ages back to ours but was so battered he says he woke up with his colleague gone and a condom filled with piss hanging off his cock. | | | |
| Cringe on 13:19 - Sep 16 with 2768 views | Northernr |
Jesus, I have about three of these a week. I still beat myself up about stuff I did at school, have to bang myself on the side of the head and say "nobody remembers that think about something else".
Jenna. Fittest girl in my geography A-level class. Absolutely in love with her. Used to give her mate a lift in from our village in the mornings. Got her phone number from him. Didn't have the guts to do anything with it. Decided to have a few beers and then text her. No beer in the house. Decided to start smashing through step dad's own-brand Tesco gin with orange juice. Over shot. Badly. Sent text, deleted it from sents. Still to this day don't know what it said. Puked up watching Chelsea v Leeds (Dom Matteo own goal). Hungover to fck the day after. Stood in library listening to Jenna tell her mates all about it on the other side of the stack. Described as "that weird lad, Clive, from Geography". Eventually had to come out and walk past them or risk missing lesson. Mortifying.
Worst thing about it was, another girl from that same class, Claire, who was absolutely fcking lovely, really properly liked me and I couldn't see it. By 'couldn't see it' I mean I picked her up at 11pm four nights a week to drive her home from the hotel near our village where she worked, and we sat in my car outside her house in the middle of the night for 45 minutes a time for weeks (literally weeks) and never kissed or anything. I just sat there chatting absolute bolox about QPR or whatever, until it eventually got so late she had to get out and go to bed and I'd drive home alone. Met her a few years later by chance, coming off a train at King's Cross, and she looked like a fcking super model. Twt.
Among proper regrets... wrote a piece for AKUTR's on the 'rainbow laces' campaign that was born from a good place - hating Joey Barton, Paddy Power etc latching onto it to further their brand - but I got it badly, badly wrong to the extent a bloke actually took the time to write them a letter to publish in the following issue calling it out as badly wrong. That keeps me awake some nights still.
This post has been edited by an administrator |  | | |
| Cringe on 13:33 - Sep 16 with 2714 views | R_from_afar |
| Cringe on 23:48 - Sep 15 by SouthallRanger |
#1 As a child in “middle school”. Boy from my brothers class (3 years older and coolest guy in school” comes up to me and says. “Have you seen David, he’s been spreading bullsh*t about me and sally”. I proceeded to run around the playground repeated that exact quote to nearly every kid in school on a one man witch hunt. Safe to say my brother had strong words with me. I was very slow in those days. Haunted me.
#2 early 20s. A years work placement as part of my degree. A portly colleague of mine comes round giving out treats for her birthday. Asks me to guess her age. I started out with “fffo” about to say forty, but then retracted and said “thirty five”…. It was her 28th birthday. Cut to the pub lunch… the girl who is usually life and soul of the party is depressed as f*ck. Repeating the story about how I was about to say 40. Birthday seemingly ruined. I’ve never guessed a womens age since. Just say 18 or 21 in jest.
#3. Early 30’s. I’ve just left a job mainly because of my one sided unrequited love for a colleague. Go on holiday to turkey on my own. Last night I end up in the bedroom of the most attractive women who booked the same package, beautiful, the body the lot. I held back playing dumb. She seduces me like something out of a steamy novel. Up to kissing and dry humping. She up for it. I suddenly pull back make an excuse and go to my room. Real reason was I was emotionally still hung up on my former colleague and felt in some way that I’d be cheating on her even though we never got together. Massively regretted since |
Well done for going first
When I was young, I was very good at catching, probably because I spent countless hours playing cricket against a wall, throwing the ball, hitting it (with a size one bat) and catching the rebounds off the wall.
Our middle school took part in the AAA athletics awards, whereby you could get a star rating based on how far you jumped, how fast you could run etc. One of the disciplines was throwing the cricket ball (no Murali jokes please). Pupils lined up to have a go and a few of us stood at the end of the part of the field where this was taking place, to retrieve the balls and send them back to the throwers.
Like it usually did, this ended up becoming very competitive as we jostled each other trying to be the one to grab the ball and return it. Then I had a brain fade: I forced my way to the front of the group and grabbed a throw...before it had bounced  What was I thinking? I felt a complete idiot and was mortified, emotions which were not helped by everyone taking the mickey.
As I skulked back to the classroom, fate intervened and handed me a lifeline. Our next lesson was based on a radio programme which featured a very sad story. I was close to tears anyway because I had just made such a fool of myself. I started blubbing as the radio story droned on and everyone thought it was brilliant that I could turn on the taps like that, not realising that I was gutted by my gaffe on the athletics field and needed my mummy 
There are plenty more where that story came from! | |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Cringe on 13:58 - Sep 16 with 2640 views | Superhoop83 |
The Pitcher & Piano. Clapham South. 1995.
My mate, a fellow Hoop, was a regular in this fine boozer and one night he talked me into approaching a couple of women as he fancied our chances, for some reason. So, after a lot of persuasion we walked over to them but my mate carried on walking as I stopped. He had stitched me up. The women looked at me with no little disdain and I knew instantly that my looks weren't going to do it on their own, so I came out with my first and last ever chat up line - and I'm cringing as I type this :
"North or South?"
"What?"
"North or South London?"
"WHAT?"
"Do you live in North or South London?"
"South"
"Ok." [Exit stage right. Fast]
To make matters worse, my mate had stopped and heard me die on my arse and he still laughs in my face about it, loudly, every time I see him. If you hear the words "North or South" in the Crown & Sceptre tomorrow, you'll know who we are. |  |
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| Cringe on 14:27 - Sep 16 with 2576 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
We are lucky we are not a forum of Incels! | | | |
| Cringe on 14:48 - Sep 16 with 2543 views | ParkRoyalR |
| Cringe on 13:58 - Sep 16 by Superhoop83 |
The Pitcher & Piano. Clapham South. 1995.
My mate, a fellow Hoop, was a regular in this fine boozer and one night he talked me into approaching a couple of women as he fancied our chances, for some reason. So, after a lot of persuasion we walked over to them but my mate carried on walking as I stopped. He had stitched me up. The women looked at me with no little disdain and I knew instantly that my looks weren't going to do it on their own, so I came out with my first and last ever chat up line - and I'm cringing as I type this :
"North or South?"
"What?"
"North or South London?"
"WHAT?"
"Do you live in North or South London?"
"South"
"Ok." [Exit stage right. Fast]
To make matters worse, my mate had stopped and heard me die on my arse and he still laughs in my face about it, loudly, every time I see him. If you hear the words "North or South" in the Crown & Sceptre tomorrow, you'll know who we are. |
Used to drink in their after work on occasional Friday's around that time,
An early outpost for the gentrification south of the river,
If you were'nt wearing redsocks + yellow cords, that was only ever going to be a walk of shame! | | | |
| Cringe on 15:16 - Sep 16 with 2505 views | TheChef |
| Cringe on 14:48 - Sep 16 by ParkRoyalR |
Used to drink in their after work on occasional Friday's around that time,
An early outpost for the gentrification south of the river,
If you were'nt wearing redsocks + yellow cords, that was only ever going to be a walk of shame! |
Round there was young professional hell in the late 90s/early noughties. So many of my school mates left uni and rented around Clapham/Balham/Brixton.
Huge ANZAC influx around then too, I assume they've all been priced out now? [Post edited 16 Sep 2022 15:17]
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| Cringe on 16:17 - Sep 16 with 2412 views | Mick_S |
Many years ago, we had a family holiday in Crete. We met a Scouse family and were in the hotel nightclub chatting. There was a page 3 stunna dancing on her own and Scouse mum said, “ why don’t you ask her for a dance?” I can’t dance, but pride and beer took over, so I went for to dance like I’d imagine Peter Beardsley would. Didn’t have a clue what to say on the long, slow, lonely walk and blurted out” Hello, you on your own?”
“No, I’m with my family”
“ oh, that’s a shame, where are they?”
She turned and pointed. “ There, two feet behind you”
Boll ocks. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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