| Favourite Fictional Footballers 20:29 - Jun 18 with 6026 views | TwoHalves |
It’s been an enduring fantasy of mine for Queens Park Rangers to sign a goalkeeper called Billy Thompson.
This, as many of us will be aware, happens to be the ‘real’ name of Fulchester United’s No 1, the curly-permed and mulleted ‘Billy the Fish’.
There’s something about the absurdity of the ‘half-man, half-fish’ custodian, who famously ‘swims through the air’, that appeals to my, at times puerile, sense of humour.
It got me thinking, is anyone else obsessed with fictional footballers? And, if so, who might yours be?
Edit: Tempting though it is to nominate Justin Obikwu, I’m going to insist that we exercise restraint on this one, very specific, occasion. |  | | |  |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:25 - Jun 19 with 1269 views | numptydumpty |
They never played football in their long history in Viz, but my centre back partnership would be Biffa Bacon and his Mutha Bacon.
No one is messing with them two in the centre of our defence and especially mum. Scariest woman on the planet. |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:42 - Jun 19 with 1225 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:40 - Jun 19 by Wegerles_Stairs |
Moved across the city to hated rivals Melboro and Rovers got relegated. Roy, who often made baffling transfer decisions, was actually a pretty poor manager.
In the early 80s alone, he was relegated, shot, had half his team blown up in a terrorist car bomb and signed two members of Spandau Ballet for the first team. |
Fulchester United, Billy the Fish’s team, famously signed a couple of pop stars too: Shakin’ Stevens and Mick Hucknall out of Simply Red.
Other notable players included Brown Fox, a huge-breasted Native American woman who played on the wing, a pair of conjoined twins whose goals counted as double and Professor Wolfgang Schnell BSc. PhD., a mad scientist who shoots for goal only after working out the best trajectory he should kick the ball at, using a calculator, slide rule and geometry set to achieve this.
Bizarrely, real life TV presenter Gaby Roslin has just been talking about real life mathematics wizard Ayyoub Bouaddi, currently representing Morocco in the World Cup. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 23:04 - Jun 19 with 1194 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:25 - Jun 19 by numptydumpty |
They never played football in their long history in Viz, but my centre back partnership would be Biffa Bacon and his Mutha Bacon.
No one is messing with them two in the centre of our defence and especially mum. Scariest woman on the planet. |
Might I suggest the addition of Johnny Dexter, Danefield United’s ‘Hard Man’, if we decided to go with a back three. Of course that would require the toppling of Julien Stéphan and the parachuting in of eccentric Hungarian manager Viktor Boskovic, but could be a price worth paying in the long run.
As an aside, we had a real-life ‘Hard Man’ at school, who I, foolishly and repeatedly, attempted to take the piss out of. Despite warnings, I persisted, receiving the inevitable black eye and fat lip for my trouble. Found out recently he had a son who played in goal for Dagenham & Redbridge. Happy days. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:08 - Jun 20 with 1091 views | PlanetHonneywood |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:18 - Jun 19 by TwoHalves |
For some reason that’s reminded me of the story that one of Saddam Hussein’s sons once arranged a fixture with a Barcelona XI as a special birthday present for himself. Untold millions would have changed hands. Apparently it was written into the contract that he must be allowed to score a goal himself.
No idea of the veracity of that but sounds perfectly plausible to me. |
Let's throw into the mix, Al Gaddafi, son of former despot, Col. Gaddafi. As you'd expect, anyone not appreciating his skills, ran the gauntlet of offending the Libyan forces.
He went to Italy, signing for such clubs as: Sampadoria, Perugia, and Cagliari. He employed Maradona as a technical adviser, and Ben Johnson as a personal trainer. Great quote about his speed, 'Even at twice his current speed he would still be twice as slow as slow itself." Maybe not too surprisingly, he failed a drugs test!!
The sheer chutzpah of these people is as staggering as it is impressive at times.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 12:41 - Jun 20 with 1063 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:08 - Jun 20 by PlanetHonneywood |
Let's throw into the mix, Al Gaddafi, son of former despot, Col. Gaddafi. As you'd expect, anyone not appreciating his skills, ran the gauntlet of offending the Libyan forces.
He went to Italy, signing for such clubs as: Sampadoria, Perugia, and Cagliari. He employed Maradona as a technical adviser, and Ben Johnson as a personal trainer. Great quote about his speed, 'Even at twice his current speed he would still be twice as slow as slow itself." Maybe not too surprisingly, he failed a drugs test!!
The sheer chutzpah of these people is as staggering as it is impressive at times.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ |
Reads like a pitch for a new comic strip, that! Sheer chutzpah, indeed, with entitlement and a massive lack of self awareness thrown in.
Apparently it was enshrined in law that no player’s name, other than Gaddafi’s, could be announced. Other players could only be referred to by their number. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 19:33 - Jun 20 with 983 views | TwoHalves |
Again, I’d no idea. Just read a couple of reviews, though, and was amused by one critic’s observation that, despite the main character’s billing as ‘the most promising talent since Georgie Best’, relatively little on-screen footballing action is seen.
This, he suggests, is because when shooting one scene (a penalty kick) it took the actor 36 attempts to get the ball past the goalkeeper. | | | |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 19:52 - Jun 20 with 967 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:08 - Jun 20 by PlanetHonneywood |
Let's throw into the mix, Al Gaddafi, son of former despot, Col. Gaddafi. As you'd expect, anyone not appreciating his skills, ran the gauntlet of offending the Libyan forces.
He went to Italy, signing for such clubs as: Sampadoria, Perugia, and Cagliari. He employed Maradona as a technical adviser, and Ben Johnson as a personal trainer. Great quote about his speed, 'Even at twice his current speed he would still be twice as slow as slow itself." Maybe not too surprisingly, he failed a drugs test!!
The sheer chutzpah of these people is as staggering as it is impressive at times.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ |
There is a QPR connection to this story, because of course there is:
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 20:59 - Jun 20 with 941 views | FDC |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:50 - Jun 19 by Mick_S |
Bump.
A very top thread if someone could oblige. I’m not lazy, just shit at stuff like this. |
I tried looking for this a while back, but no joy sadly. |  | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:25 - Jun 20 with 916 views | loftboy |
Didn’t Liverpool once try to sign a fictional player? |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:26 - Jun 20 with 915 views | FredManRave |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 20:59 - Jun 20 by FDC |
I tried looking for this a while back, but no joy sadly. |
Likewise. Must have been deleted in the data crunch.
I blame Musk, etc... |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 23:42 - Jun 20 with 884 views | BrianMcCarthy |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:42 - Jun 19 by TwoHalves |
Fulchester United, Billy the Fish’s team, famously signed a couple of pop stars too: Shakin’ Stevens and Mick Hucknall out of Simply Red.
Other notable players included Brown Fox, a huge-breasted Native American woman who played on the wing, a pair of conjoined twins whose goals counted as double and Professor Wolfgang Schnell BSc. PhD., a mad scientist who shoots for goal only after working out the best trajectory he should kick the ball at, using a calculator, slide rule and geometry set to achieve this.
Bizarrely, real life TV presenter Gaby Roslin has just been talking about real life mathematics wizard Ayyoub Bouaddi, currently representing Morocco in the World Cup. |
There's a lot of real fiction here that no-one's matching so far.
Step up, people.
Step up. |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 00:12 - Jun 21 with 859 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:26 - Jun 20 by FredManRave |
Likewise. Must have been deleted in the data crunch.
I blame Musk, etc... |
The Deputy Dawg Show has a lot to answer for …
https://terrytoons.fandom.com/ | | | |
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