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Dislocated shoulder I thought was the worst pain but now I have 2 (C5 C6) worn out disks that press on a nerve, there are no words for the pain 24/7, no pain relief had worked not willing to do an op as have a bad heart and just found out this morning I have underactive thyroid so I'm knackered and cold all the time
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ........... on 07:44 - Mar 13 by Toast_R
Portugese Man o War done me once out in Cuba. Swam straight through the bugger. It was a bitt like being electrocuted. Welt marks all over me. Life guards came to the recue and doused me in vinegar whilst trying to pull the tentacles off me. Couple of them got stings just doing that bit. They closed the beach the rest of the week as thousands of the bastards were floating in. Cost me £100 notes too for a steroid shot in the arse, antihistamines and steroid cream. That was the first day of the holiday.
Rather than take individual's word for it, I think we should organise an end of season pain-off. Invite the following and Conor can do the judging:
1 person giving childbirth 1 person with kidney/gall stones 1 person with a crab hanging off their old chap 1 person stepping on Lego 1 person with sciatica 1 person being kicked in the knackers by Buster Bloodvessel
All proceeds to QPR Trust. Who's in?
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:31 - Mar 13 with 1499 views
I had childbirth described to me as like "crapping out a basketball" which sounded sore but catching your "lad" in your flies is a pain that I would not want to go through again.
Stonebridgers
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:57 - Mar 13 with 1460 views
I was doing the Atkins diet about five years ago. One thing they don't tell you is that you end up with the world's densest, largest poo. I felt like I was trying to pass a small planet out of colon.
Literally had no give on it at all. I was basically at peak crownage and it's half in, half out. Dry too. Horrifying. At one point I was considering breaking off half of it manually and then scooping out the rest.
For reference:
Mr Whippy [-----------------------------!---] An actual pine cone.
Anyway, I just powered through it over what felt like a solid ten minutes of teeth-gnashing agony. Afterwards I had to go and have a lie down. And after that I started eating carbs and never stopped.
I was literally shaking afterwards. Horror.
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH MARTI THE REDEEMER WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:59 - Mar 13 with 1454 views
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:59 - Mar 13 by Metallica_Hoop
Aftershave on my balls made me jump back in the bath in agony, I was about 13.
I didn't make that mistake again.
This has the makings of a classic LFW thread (already). There are many notable posters who have yet to contribute, i'm greatly anticipating/dreading what lies ahead.
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:59 - Mar 13 by Metallica_Hoop
Aftershave on my balls made me jump back in the bath in agony, I was about 13.
I didn't make that mistake again.
Ooh that reminds me. When I was 21 or something, I was in Crystal Palace Park or somewhere equally dreary on the hottest ever day that ever was. Inexplicably I had my shirt off.
That night I asked my mum if she had anything for sunburn. She did. She had like seven different creams and potions. I saw one that was primarily cocoa butter. For sun burn and minor burns.
Sorted. If it works on minor burns, it'll work on this I thought. Put it on.
DIED.
The stuff was essentially cooking on my skin. I dived into a cold bath until I was too cold to stay in. And then spent the whole night pressing my back up against a bit of cold wall in my bedroom until it warmed up the wall and then I moved across a bit and basically went up and down the wall.
F**king solar c*nt. The sooner that giant ball of piss burns itself out and collapses under its gravity the better.
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH MARTI THE REDEEMER WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 15:41 - Mar 13 with 1361 views
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 15:17 - Mar 13 by karl
This has the makings of a classic LFW thread (already). There are many notable posters who have yet to contribute, i'm greatly anticipating/dreading what lies ahead.
In my early 20s, I got hammered and ended up getting a spiral fracture of my left distal humorous which effectively split the bone down the middle. I was, needless to say, acting idiotically and they took me to A&E who basically took one look, put me in a sling and said come back tomorrow morning.
When I woke up the next day, I rolled over and uttered some sort of incoherent scream before falling to the floor. I got up, passed out from the pain again (raging hangover and fcuked up bones ganging up on me) and whacked my head on the door frame before falling out onto the landing. At this point, my thumping about and moaning woke everyone up. They took a fairly dim view of the agonised whinging creature they beheld, writhing around and threatening to lose control of his bladder.
I was taken, eventually, back to hospital where I went to the fracture clinic. I sat there twitching and sweating with pain for about 90 minutes while they got round to seeing me. Eventually, one of them said 'what have you been prescribed for the pain?' To which I replied that no-one had given me anything and I hadn't taken anything that morning. They duly found me 2 aspirin.
They eventually plastered me up from shoulder to elbow and sent me home saying it would be 12 weeks. I found out several weeks later that they could have operated, put a pin in and I'd have been out of a sling in well under half that! In the meantime, I was forced to wear a variety of over-sized Hawaiian type shirts to work, lent to me the style icon that is my old man. My colleagues, needless to say, were all incredibly supportive and didn't at any time, stand pointing and laughing at me. Cunce.
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 16:21 - Mar 13 with 1307 views
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 08:20 - Mar 13 by dolcelatte
Currently have whooping cough for the second time in 3 years. However this time I coughed so much and so hard I have torn one of my oblique muscles. Now I'm on horse tranquilisers just so I can cough without kidney stone like pain.
Oh man, I used to love the horse medicines, I' could be going around on the Circle Line for hours.
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 23:43 - Mar 12 by nix
As one of the vv few people on here qualified to comment having given birth (twice - once with no pain relief at all), had gallstones AND stubbed my toe and broken it falling upstairs when drunk, and dislocated my little finger (imagine pointing at 90 degree angle but then flicking it back myself into place cos I had to take son to football practice. I would say childbirth and gallstones are equally excruciating - maybe the childbirth shades it cos it goes on so bloody long (for childbirth you kind of kid yourself it won't be as bad the next time - but it is whatever the odd smug person says about it having been a journey Ffs). In comparison the finger and toe just throbs a bit..
There's no women here are there?
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 18:44 - Mar 13 with 1163 views
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 13:59 - Mar 13 by Metallica_Hoop
Aftershave on my balls made me jump back in the bath in agony, I was about 13.
I didn't make that mistake again.
Once when I was a young, naive & stupid young man ended up one night with a young woman who had a very notorious reputation,of course like most blokes thought I had an in built immunity to any social diseases, just how wrong one can be.
After a couple of days had this most irrational itching round the old meat & two veg, oh boy was I suffering, I used to go to this boozer where a load of 'jolly jack tars' used to hang out reminising about their days at sea, always used to regale/warn us young uns about the 'foreign ailments' they picked whilst hitting the four corners of the globe, thought being a cute sod would slope down there and see if I could pick up a tip or two for my situation, of course plenty of advice, the most convincing that I pour whiskey over the infected area for a few days, even if having a bath to re-apply.
OMG, half a bottle of Teachers and I felt like someone was trying to 'Flambe' my testicles, done this for a couple of days and got so bad with the pain that my mates thought my jumping about was me practisng for an up coming disco dancing competition at the Global Village.
Had to admit defeat when the pain didn't diminish and went to see my local doc, a week of a special shampoo did the trick, unsure whether it was a cocktail of whiskey & shampoo did the trick, or just plain old 'crabs lotion'.
You youngsters don't know how easy you have it now, no interwebby thing to go on then to check for miracle cures, you can even come on LFW, get loads of sympathy and without doubt someone will have a cure for whatever strange social disease you may have picked up.
My only tip is maybe a single malt might have done the trick
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 17:15 - Mar 17 with 910 views
the pain of being constipated for about a week because you're backpacking in a foreign country and there isn't really a clean toilet in sight...had to do what I had to do at some point
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 19:09 - Mar 17 with 881 views
No arse or ball issues here but I had a piece of metal shaving in my eye for a couple days. The intense the worry of going blind, highly irritated twitching eyelid, streaming tears and bloodshot eye, triggered snot, sinus and ache on forehead, nearly done my in. Went to a ophthalmologist fearing the metal had penetrated my eyeball as pain was off scale, he done his tests said he couldn't find the metal or was imbedded and came out looking like I had black glass eye. I still get woken up with memories of laser light now.
Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink: Happy I'm the 'chosen one'
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Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 16:14 - Mar 19 with 785 views
Child birth pain, pah nothing compared to ............ on 19:09 - Mar 17 by FloridaR
No arse or ball issues here but I had a piece of metal shaving in my eye for a couple days. The intense the worry of going blind, highly irritated twitching eyelid, streaming tears and bloodshot eye, triggered snot, sinus and ache on forehead, nearly done my in. Went to a ophthalmologist fearing the metal had penetrated my eyeball as pain was off scale, he done his tests said he couldn't find the metal or was imbedded and came out looking like I had black glass eye. I still get woken up with memories of laser light now.
Does anyone remember the football pitch under the A40 at Paddington ? Does anyone remember when the pitch was shall we say less than perfect ? Yes we played on that old pitch once as I tried to recreate a Clive Allen double drag back , the Tuf moved and I ended up straight on the cocksyx no stumble nothing between being stood up right just landed straight on it . The pain was something I'd never want to face again in my life. The following week was spent trying to walk from the knees down , trying to pinch the daily loaf off was also something I'd rather not try again either .
Broken collar bone wasn't fun Cracked ribs also not fun Broken wrist which two weeks to find also not fun
Gallstones, no joke I thought I was dying on the first attack I had with them. It took the docs a year to diagnose, every time I had lamb or some other fatty food had me doubled over for two hours at a time. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, thats how bad the pain was.
Anyway, here's a funny story about a fella I worked with who had a serious injury down below. He starts by telling me he had taken a young lady down an alley way for some romantic action. So, they start getting down to business and she is trying to jump on him whilst he has her up against the wall. Yep, you guessed it, he slips out and the old fella goes full throttle up the wall. Much to his horror he finds out that the wall has just been newly pebble dashed and he's got stones, grit and sand all embeded in has magic wand. Screaming with pain him and her head for the local hospital, gets there and doctors and nurses are p***ing themselves as he recounts the exploits. He reckons he passed out once they started with the tweezers!
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