| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe 20:52 - Jul 14 with 11415 views | Dorse |
My wife: told her the music from the game Tetris was, in fact, the Russian national anthem. She has a PhD.
My son: snooker is named after the game's inventor, Bob Snooker.
My daughter: Bob Ross is Greta Thunberg's dad.
My nieces: honey is collected by milking bees with little tweezers.
The whole of Year 9: the EU is forcing us to adopt decimal time, so anyone born in July or August will have to repeat the year as they weren't going to be part of the new 10 month calendar (this was a few years ago).
Any more? [Post edited 14 Jul 2022 20:54]
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| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:29 - Jul 15 with 2604 views | R_from_afar |
My dear old dad (RIP) perpetuated a lie for some time with a child's toy he made. It was a wooden tube open at one end. There was a matching plunger - so, a wooden rod with a notch at one end and a pyramid shaped cap on the other. He used to start drawing the plunger out of the tube then, when it was a short way out, it would snap back into the tube. My dad convinced me and my brother and our mates that the snapping back was because he had hooked an elastic band hidden in the dark depths of the tube with the notch on the plunger.
It took us all ages to work out that there was no elastic band, it was just his sleight of hand and him squeezing the pyramid shaped cap to make it whizz back in 
I've told this one before but my best - and most embarrassing one - is from a snowboarding trip to Lake Tahoe in the US. It was a glorious, sunny day and me and my two mates were on the terrace at a ski lodge looking out at the lake, the forests and the crisp pistes winding into the mountains. It was immense and I blurted out, in a Lancastrian accent for some strange reason, "Eeee, it's not much like Rochdale!"
Two of us then walked up the mountain to take some pics.
Upon our return, we found that a middle aged English couple had sat down with our mate and were happily chatting away to him.
They sounded a bit northern and were very pleasant but after a while, headed off with a cheery farewell.
As soon as they were out of earshot, the mate we had left on their own told us that the middle aged English couple had overheard me going on about Rochdale and had come over to have a chat, saying what a coincidence it was to find some other people from that town
Of course, all three of us had very obvious southern accents and this had put our mate in a bit of a predicament as he tried to converse with the middle aged English couple without dying of embarrassment.
Ooh, I am fool.  |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:40 - Jul 15 with 2573 views | slmrstid |
Here's one told to me...
At the beginning of the Iraq War in 2003, my step-brother was in the Royal Engineers. His unit went to Basra in the invasion, but he was left behind as he was in the process of leaving the armed forces and so they couldn't risk him becoming a civilian in the middle of a war-zone, something he felt very guilty about but all his mates came home.
About 6 months later when his unit did start to come home, a new vase appeared in our house, very middle-eastern in style, and my dad & step-mum told me it had been taken from one of Saddam's palaces by my step-brothers army mates and brought back as a gift for him, which he gave to them.
Fast forward to 2008 when my girlfriend (now wife) started coming over to our house - I pointed out the pot to her one evening and the story behind it. My dad & step-mum overheard this, but said nothing.
Fast forward again to 2013 and our wedding day, and my best-man finishes his speech with "Oh, and by the way, its not Saddam's pot!" Meant absolutely nothing to anyone else there except the four of us, but both me & the Mrs exlcaimed "What?!"
Of course in actual fact, the pot was from a garden centre somewhere in Northamptonshire. When my parents overheard me telling my girlfriend this in 2008 they'd forgotten all about the original story they told me and also felt too awkward to correct it, so decided to finally spill the beans on our wedding day.
The pot now sits in our house as my parents gave it to us a few years ago, so we plan to repeat the story on our own children one day. It will probably mean a bit less to them though by then... |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:12 - Jul 15 with 2527 views | TheChef |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:19 - Jul 15 by SheffieldHoop |
How about that bloke who claimed to have traveled from Scotland to Isle of Man by Jet Ski during lockdown? Did that actually happen? My people over there reckon it was faked! |
Wouldn't be surprised. Most news stories (why do you think they are called 'stories'?) are literally incredible.
This one the other day. Yeah, right!
https://metro.co.uk/2022/07/14/man-survives-18-hours-at-sea-by-clinging-on-to-fo |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:17 - Jul 15 with 2520 views | dubaistu |
That I've got a polar bear living in my freezer |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:31 - Jul 15 with 2475 views | DannyPaddox |
Souvenir programme for Tuesday’s friendly.
Mick S suggested I posted this here. |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:26 - Jul 15 with 2414 views | WokingR |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:19 - Jul 15 by SheffieldHoop |
How about that bloke who claimed to have traveled from Scotland to Isle of Man by Jet Ski during lockdown? Did that actually happen? My people over there reckon it was faked! |
Would be a pretty stupid thing to lie about seeing as he got arrested for it |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:40 - Jul 15 with 2392 views | distortR |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:19 - Jul 15 by SheffieldHoop |
How about that bloke who claimed to have traveled from Scotland to Isle of Man by Jet Ski during lockdown? Did that actually happen? My people over there reckon it was faked! |
he certainly arrived on a jet ski. Most of the gear comes onto the island on fishing boats, they couldn't land/transfer because of covid restrictions, most think he was dropped off from a fishing boat nearby and his rucksack was full of powder. No way is a novice doing that journey, the weather wasn't great either. |  | | |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:42 - Jul 15 with 2338 views | SheffieldHoop |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:26 - Jul 15 by WokingR |
Would be a pretty stupid thing to lie about seeing as he got arrested for it |
I'd say it was a pretty stupid idea in the first place, it's a long way you know!
Apparently, the Jet Ski doesn't have the range to have made the journey. It's also likely the sea would have thrown him off course, especially if, as he'd claimed, he lost his GPS half an hour after setting off.
I've also heard the woman he did it for subsequently broke up with him - And is now incarcerated herself.  |  |
| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:44 - Jul 15 with 2391 views | londonscottish |
I was up in the Scottish Highlands with my girlfriend at the time and we drove into Plockton which was famous for having a row of palm trees at the time - very unusual that far north. We drove out of town, up a hill and round a corner and was astonished to see a llama. I just said something along the lines of "Lllamas, like palm trees are very common on the highlands. In the more remote areas there are pack of wild llamas living in palm tree woodlands".
I completely forgot I'd spun that bollx until we got back down to London and back to work. The first evening she was livid because she'd tried to convince at least people three people about the llamas and palm trees before the penny dropped. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:45 - Jul 15 with 2388 views | Beckenhamhoop |
I told a work colleague that I was London schools U15s Gurning Champion. | | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:54 - Jul 15 with 2359 views | DannyPaddox |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:44 - Jul 15 by londonscottish |
I was up in the Scottish Highlands with my girlfriend at the time and we drove into Plockton which was famous for having a row of palm trees at the time - very unusual that far north. We drove out of town, up a hill and round a corner and was astonished to see a llama. I just said something along the lines of "Lllamas, like palm trees are very common on the highlands. In the more remote areas there are pack of wild llamas living in palm tree woodlands".
I completely forgot I'd spun that bollx until we got back down to London and back to work. The first evening she was livid because she'd tried to convince at least people three people about the llamas and palm trees before the penny dropped. |
I used to see the occasional llama in with a field of sheep down in West Cornwall. I was told by a mate they were to keep predators away (foxes, Welshmen etc.) as they looked like a big fcuking sheep. Now either my mate was winding me up, I’m winding you up … or it’s true. | | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 16:06 - Jul 15 with 2331 views | Mick_S |
My mate explained to me the difference between a lake and a pond. Apparently it’s a lake if a swan has landed on it. I asked him if he thought I was born yesterday, thinking he was winding me up? His workmates were having him on. “What, you mean like Swan Lake?” I said. He looked at me and said he’d check it out with them. I told him not to bother. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 17:07 - Jul 15 with 2249 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:54 - Jul 15 by DannyPaddox |
I used to see the occasional llama in with a field of sheep down in West Cornwall. I was told by a mate they were to keep predators away (foxes, Welshmen etc.) as they looked like a big fcuking sheep. Now either my mate was winding me up, I’m winding you up … or it’s true. |
At first I thought this is al-paca lies!
Apparently it’s true and ‘Guard Llamas’ do exist. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 17:38 - Jul 15 with 2226 views | distortR |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:42 - Jul 15 by SheffieldHoop |
I'd say it was a pretty stupid idea in the first place, it's a long way you know!
Apparently, the Jet Ski doesn't have the range to have made the journey. It's also likely the sea would have thrown him off course, especially if, as he'd claimed, he lost his GPS half an hour after setting off.
I've also heard the woman he did it for subsequently broke up with him - And is now incarcerated herself. |
yeah, she and her mate kicked another woman's door in and gave her a kicking, in front of the victim's kids. Probably over unpaid debts.
i mean, the scottish blokes lie was brilliant. He got the dosh for the goods, a bit of time (In covid - who cares), and guest appearances on tv chat shows etc, which must have netted a bit.
That he got here, on a jet ski (He could have eked out the fuel to get here, but probably not with his experience and not with the weather on the day), in the mist and cold, with the tides off the ayres, fighting waves all the way, not properly clothed, is just a whopper.
edit - she's worth a shout in the women who you would but really shouldn't thread, though. [Post edited 15 Jul 2022 17:39]
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 18:06 - Jul 15 with 2186 views | R_from_afar |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:54 - Jul 15 by DannyPaddox |
I used to see the occasional llama in with a field of sheep down in West Cornwall. I was told by a mate they were to keep predators away (foxes, Welshmen etc.) as they looked like a big fcuking sheep. Now either my mate was winding me up, I’m winding you up … or it’s true. |
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guard_llama
"In the past, a single gelded (castrated) male was recommended. In more recent years, it has been discovered that single, unbred females make better and safer guardians".
Food for thought  I'll leave you to ponder that. | |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 19:12 - Jul 15 with 2130 views | derbyhoop |
An icebreaker when meeting a new group, e.g. a business conference is to tell 3 stories, 2 true and 1 lie. Then ask people to identify the lie.
1 I played football against a lad who went on to captain the England team
2. In the 3rd series of adverts my youngest son played the Milky Bar Kid
3. I've appeared on breakfast TV to talk about the budget |  |
| Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the Earth all one’s lifetime. (Mark Twain)
Find me on twitter @derbyhoop |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 09:12 - Jul 16 with 1915 views | Guppy |
Told the kids once that we were now in France after catching the Bournemouth to Swanage ferry | | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 09:52 - Jul 16 with 1895 views | loftboy |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 19:12 - Jul 15 by derbyhoop |
An icebreaker when meeting a new group, e.g. a business conference is to tell 3 stories, 2 true and 1 lie. Then ask people to identify the lie.
1 I played football against a lad who went on to captain the England team
2. In the 3rd series of adverts my youngest son played the Milky Bar Kid
3. I've appeared on breakfast TV to talk about the budget |
2 Is the lie I reckon [Post edited 16 Jul 2022 9:52]
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:47 - Jul 16 with 1817 views | derbyhoop |
I'll have to get a better story.
He did have blond hair and wore glasses and he had to say "the Milky Bars are on.me" as his theatre group mick taked an audition.
1 I played against Gerry Francis when I was at primary school
3. I was at a Derby hospital where I met the woman who was organising vox pops. I must have come across as articulate so ended up with a 15sec slot on BBC Breakfast | |
| Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the Earth all one’s lifetime. (Mark Twain)
Find me on twitter @derbyhoop |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 22:01 - Jul 18 with 1617 views | larsricchi |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 20:56 - Jul 14 by loftboy |
My kids believed for years that the ice cream had run out if he sounded his bells. |
Similar but different: I told my son that the music he heard from a certain approaching vehicle was essentially a war cry and that the people in the truck were invading the neighborhood. No matter what, run and hide!
It worked well for a bit, when he was in the house and would duck down behind furniture while the ice cream man passed. However, the ruse ended when he was playing outside with some neighborhood kids and they all sprinted toward the "marauders." The other kids soon returned with their desserts -- and more importantly, the truth about the bells. 
One of the dumbest things I've ever sold: after a junior varsity American football game, I convinced a bunch of dudes from the opposing town's team that I was Nacho, an exchange student from Spain. (For context, I haven't done the genealogy thing, but I'm quite sure my results would come back "not 100% Irish, but almost.") Why did I do that? I have no idea. The boredom of small-town Iowa, that's my excuse. |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:53 - Jul 19 with 1417 views | Mick_S |
Just thought of another. My wife and I went to a Burns Night celebration at the golf club where we had our wedding reception. I’d been warned that the club captain liked a drink and would be at least tipsy when he made his way around meeting and greeting. He came to our table and was informed that this was where our wedding reception took place seven years ago.” That’s marvellous, any children yet?” “Yes, we have Seven.” He got quite excited and made his way to the stage to introduce some very special returning guests. We had to stand up and take a round of applause and lie our way through the night. Every single person that spoke to my wife bought it - “ my goodness, how do you do it, how have you managed to keep your figure?”
Might be my best ever fib. [Post edited 19 Jul 2022 14:55]
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| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 00:05 - Jul 20 with 1295 views | CiderwithRsie |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 08:56 - Jul 15 by BrianMcCarthy |
Neil Roberts RIP was a Glasgow Rangers fan and he used to take every opportunity to wind me up about it. It didn't seem to bother him that I was an atheiest that hated both Glasgow clubs, I was a Taig as far as his ribbing went.
Up at Goodison about thirty years ago, I convinced him and a load of his Glasgow Rangers mates that our Rangers were originally a Catholic immigrant club, hence the green and white hoops, who used to be called St. Jude's RC.
Poor Neil. He was devestated. The Glasgow Rangers fans, who'd come down to see their "sister club" left at half-time.
I enjoyed that, so I started telling other people. My mates, then a few more. Then a few more. I may have told you. If so, I apologise now.
Eventually, Gordon Macey tracked me down, and had a very polite chat with me.
The game was up. I'd had a good run of it. |
Thing I like best about that story is Gordon Macey finding you.
I like to think he had a sort of Batcave in which an alert went off if ever a QPR history falsehood was being perpetrated, and he would then remorselessly track down the culprit, possibly with a bloodhound. | | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 00:13 - Jul 20 with 1286 views | BrianMcCarthy |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 00:05 - Jul 20 by CiderwithRsie |
Thing I like best about that story is Gordon Macey finding you.
I like to think he had a sort of Batcave in which an alert went off if ever a QPR history falsehood was being perpetrated, and he would then remorselessly track down the culprit, possibly with a bloodhound. |
Statman.
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 05:38 - Jul 20 with 1216 views | Konk |
Told a colleague that I played the spoons for the first dance at Charles and Diana’s wedding - when I would have been about eight - spent the next few years with colleagues I barely knew, asking me about it.
Told a dinner lady at school that I was allergic to puddings other than chocolate pudding - got away with that for a whole year, until the head dinner lady bumped into my Mum in the greengrocers. Double portions after that.
Once got asked why I was looking glum at work, and I told my colleague that I’d just spoken with my Mum, and my uncle had been mauled to death by a panda at Woburn Safari. A couple of minutes later and my boss called me in and asked if I wanted to go and be with my mum to comfort her. I was actually just concentrating.
“Sitting on the dock of the bay” came on the radio in our staff room once, and I convinced colleagues that Otis Redding can’t whistle and it’s actually my Dad whistling on the record. My Dad used to tour with him, and whistle into a microphone off stage, whilst Redding mimed. When they questioned how this arrangement had come about, I told them he met my Dad, as my dad had gone to primary school with Fats Domino in Muswell Hill (I said Fats Domino was from Hornsey). I told them he was on the same record label.
Used to get stick off a young Tottenham fan at work - told him Fulham had won four league titles and were the first English side to win the European Cup. We were pis sing about in the 4th division at the time, so he was genuinely surprised. No internet for him to check back then. |  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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