| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe 20:52 - Jul 14 with 11428 views | Dorse |
My wife: told her the music from the game Tetris was, in fact, the Russian national anthem. She has a PhD.
My son: snooker is named after the game's inventor, Bob Snooker.
My daughter: Bob Ross is Greta Thunberg's dad.
My nieces: honey is collected by milking bees with little tweezers.
The whole of Year 9: the EU is forcing us to adopt decimal time, so anyone born in July or August will have to repeat the year as they weren't going to be part of the new 10 month calendar (this was a few years ago).
Any more? [Post edited 14 Jul 2022 20:54]
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| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:07 - Jul 20 with 2655 views | PunteR |
I told my missus and mother in law that Ian Wright was in Bugsy Malone as the little kid at the club that mops the floor. |  |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:19 - Jul 20 with 2625 views | PunteR |
I nicked the joke out of Only Fools and Horses about Triggers broom when my lad first started working with me. He thought I was being serious and started taking the P. For some reason I just let him believe that I truly thought I had the same broom for 10 years but replaced the handle and head multiple times like some kind of div.
He took great delight in telling people this story not realising its a well known joke. I carried it on for about 4 years until some lad on site told him. | |
| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:50 - Jul 20 with 2589 views | SimonJames |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 00:05 - Jul 20 by CiderwithRsie |
Thing I like best about that story is Gordon Macey finding you.
I like to think he had a sort of Batcave in which an alert went off if ever a QPR history falsehood was being perpetrated, and he would then remorselessly track down the culprit, possibly with a bloodhound. |
When we worked in Hammersmith (early 90's) I got far more real info on what was happening in the club, on a Monday morning from Gordon, then I ever have from the press or news. |  |
| 100% of people who drink water will die. |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 17:47 - Jul 20 with 2496 views | wood_hoop |
I found out some of the sales staff would be working through the night , making up Xmas hampers for some of our customers, they used this fancy straw looking stuff to pack the hampers, the stuff was all over the office floor, a markets manager came in the early morning just after they had all gone, the office cleaners had not had a chance to clean the office floor so was pretty messy.
Told him we had a bunch of local school kids coming to the office for a Xmas treat and they were going to see how things were done.
Told him it was a big secret but all the fancy straw had been laid out for a donkey that was coming to the office to give it a real authentic feel for the kids as it was Xmas and the day office staff would be singing carols around the donkey
But whatever he did, not to tell our food safety manager who was not due in until much later in the day and if the donkey had a 'little accident' , hence all the straw on the floor and it would be cleared up before he got in.
The markets manager duly went off for the day and I had told the incoming day office staff what I had told him, they played along and when he came back that afternoon told him it was a shame he was not there earlier and had missed seeing the donkey.
Did go on for a few days until the food safety manager got wind of my prank and put the markets manager out of his misery of having missed the donkey. |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 19:37 - Jul 20 with 2447 views | Dorse |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 05:38 - Jul 20 by Konk |
Told a colleague that I played the spoons for the first dance at Charles and Diana’s wedding - when I would have been about eight - spent the next few years with colleagues I barely knew, asking me about it.
Told a dinner lady at school that I was allergic to puddings other than chocolate pudding - got away with that for a whole year, until the head dinner lady bumped into my Mum in the greengrocers. Double portions after that.
Once got asked why I was looking glum at work, and I told my colleague that I’d just spoken with my Mum, and my uncle had been mauled to death by a panda at Woburn Safari. A couple of minutes later and my boss called me in and asked if I wanted to go and be with my mum to comfort her. I was actually just concentrating.
“Sitting on the dock of the bay” came on the radio in our staff room once, and I convinced colleagues that Otis Redding can’t whistle and it’s actually my Dad whistling on the record. My Dad used to tour with him, and whistle into a microphone off stage, whilst Redding mimed. When they questioned how this arrangement had come about, I told them he met my Dad, as my dad had gone to primary school with Fats Domino in Muswell Hill (I said Fats Domino was from Hornsey). I told them he was on the same record label.
Used to get stick off a young Tottenham fan at work - told him Fulham had won four league titles and were the first English side to win the European Cup. We were pis sing about in the 4th division at the time, so he was genuinely surprised. No internet for him to check back then. |
Outstanding Konk. I nearly spat my beer reading the panda story. Only to be blindsided by Fats Domino's humble beginnings in Hornsey.
Respect is due. | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 20:58 - Jul 20 with 2402 views | w7r |
My sisters bestie enquiring about the bullet hole shaped scar on my left shoulder; “Oh, that, from my stint in Nam got shot by one of the VC”.
“Oh my God that must have been scary” came the reply.
That was 1987, I was 22 at the time. Bless her. [Post edited 20 Jul 2022 21:10]
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 09:08 - Jul 21 with 2298 views | BrianMcCarthy |
Of course, all of these stories we supposedly told people could also be lies.
I look forward to the "Most Obvious Lies I Told LFW on the 'Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe'" thread. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 10:52 - Jul 21 with 2248 views | bosh67 |
Got my girlfriend to believe I was good in bed. She says I am about as good in bed as I am at playing the guitar. I don't play the guitar. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 11:25 - Jul 21 with 2230 views | Lblock |
On a weekend dog walk a few years back I was chatting with a lady who was part of our pack and most of us who worked used the same pro dog walker during the week. She says to me "did the walker leave you that sample pack of flash looking dog food on Thursday and have you used it yet? I'm reluctant to do so as all the writing on the package is in a foreign language"
I told her she did, and that my dog absolutely loved it, and it had worked wonders on the coat and I'd be ordering more BUT.... it was a bit of a faff to prepare. I then persuaded her that I'd used google translate and the preparation recommendations were to fry this food gently for 10 minutes in a shallow pan with some olive oil and add in some chopped coriander.
The next weekend she went absolutely mental at me (in a good way - not violent) as she'd gone home that day and followed what I'd said to the letter and her house had stunk for days, she'd had to throw away her best frying pan and her daughter had nearly been sick due to the smell when she started cooking it........ we still laugh about that to this day and I'll be reminding her when I see her tomorrow night now!
Mate of mine who is no longer with us (RIP Lukey my old mate) did a pearler to some Northern girls in Tenerife '89.
He'd come off a moped earlier in the day and the Spanish quacks did a lash patch up on him at the hospital. He was in quite a bad way but not enough to put him off hitting the Veronica's club strips with us that evening. We gets chatting to these girls and they ask what they hell happened to your shoulders, arms and legs due to all the cuts, grazes and bandages.... takes a gulp of Ceverza, big sigh, and goes:
"Well I love doing mad sports and I got the chance today to go hangliding on the other side of the island. It was brilliant and I caught a wicked thermal which kept me going for miles. Unfortunately as I got inland it suddenly stopped and I crash landed into a bull ring where they were training some bull fighters and this bull went crazy because the handglider I had was bright red. It dragged me around the bull ring for ages until I could get out of the safety straps and thats why I'm covered in the grazes head to foot"
They lapped it up and said he was lucky to be alive!! He then convinced them the blokes running the bullfights were so impressed with him they had asked him to come back and train to be a matador which he was going to do once his injuries heeled up. These girls were massively impressed and were like putty in our hands rest of the evening.
The above then led us to tell ever increasing porkies to girls on that trip when they asked what we all did back home.
I had a few believing I was a famous underground rave DJ and worked on pirate radio stations. We also had a few believing we were QPR reserves on a team bonding trip and another absolute blinder was another mate convincing a girl from Sarf London that he was training to be a specialist crocodile dentist at Windsor Safari Park. |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:39 - Jul 22 with 2050 views | Beckenhamhoop |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 20:58 - Jul 20 by w7r |
My sisters bestie enquiring about the bullet hole shaped scar on my left shoulder; “Oh, that, from my stint in Nam got shot by one of the VC”.
“Oh my God that must have been scary” came the reply.
That was 1987, I was 22 at the time. Bless her. [Post edited 20 Jul 2022 21:10]
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I have e a circular chicken pox scar on my right temple. I told a girl that I’d had brain surgery and they used one of those things you take samples out of a big round of cheese to gain access to my brain! 😂 |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 12:23 - Jul 23 with 1895 views | Nushnool |
In a Paris pub (The Frog) in 2008, my friends and I managed to convince a hanger-on that one of us (Dan, from Germany) was the bastard son of former Iron Maiden singer Paul Di’anno, and so his actual name was Danny Di’anno. Pretty sure he will still believe that to this day. |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:53 - Jul 23 with 1854 views | BrianMcCarthy |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 12:23 - Jul 23 by Nushnool |
In a Paris pub (The Frog) in 2008, my friends and I managed to convince a hanger-on that one of us (Dan, from Germany) was the bastard son of former Iron Maiden singer Paul Di’anno, and so his actual name was Danny Di’anno. Pretty sure he will still believe that to this day. |
Sorry...but there's a Frnch pub called The Frog?
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:38 - Jul 23 with 1826 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:53 - Jul 23 by BrianMcCarthy |
Sorry...but there's a Frnch pub called The Frog?
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They do a good croak monsieur apparently. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 11:08 - Jul 24 with 1692 views | distortR |
I like lying to people over shit, it annoys the wife. Recently we were walking the dog on a rare day off, a doggy type started asking questions, and I told her I had taken the day off to walk the dog as it was his birthday,and I wanted to make it extra special. Doggy woman thought I was a wonderful human being, wife asks 'why?', answer is simply to amuse myself.
One I did get feedback on, a bloke climbed the Laxey wheel and held a protest up there for a week or so, because he was going back to nick 'cos he couldn't behave. A coach load of tourists are about, wondering loudly what was going on, I told them he was protesting about the new Laxey to Peel bypass, that was going to cut through the mountain. Much outrage, and apparently even complaints at the local commissioner's office. Someone must have heard me, because the clerk told me it was all most unhelpful! | | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 11:22 - Jul 24 with 1673 views | PlanetHonneywood |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 10:52 - Jul 21 by bosh67 |
Got my girlfriend to believe I was good in bed. She says I am about as good in bed as I am at playing the guitar. I don't play the guitar. |
Suggest you focus on the G-string.
To assist, try this: Index finger on the second fret of the A string. Middle finger on the third fret of the low E string and ring finger on the third fret of the E string.
Of course, it would help immeasurably if you know where the A string is on the girlfriend/guitar first. [Post edited 24 Jul 2022 11:23]
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 12:10 - Jul 24 with 1644 views | enfieldargh |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 22:01 - Jul 18 by larsricchi |
Similar but different: I told my son that the music he heard from a certain approaching vehicle was essentially a war cry and that the people in the truck were invading the neighborhood. No matter what, run and hide!
It worked well for a bit, when he was in the house and would duck down behind furniture while the ice cream man passed. However, the ruse ended when he was playing outside with some neighborhood kids and they all sprinted toward the "marauders." The other kids soon returned with their desserts -- and more importantly, the truth about the bells. 
One of the dumbest things I've ever sold: after a junior varsity American football game, I convinced a bunch of dudes from the opposing town's team that I was Nacho, an exchange student from Spain. (For context, I haven't done the genealogy thing, but I'm quite sure my results would come back "not 100% Irish, but almost.") Why did I do that? I have no idea. The boredom of small-town Iowa, that's my excuse. |
Hate American Pickers, no thats a lie I love it.
I keep saying dang instead of bolloxxx |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:06 - Jul 24 with 1609 views | DannyPaddox |
A good few years ago one evening in Earls Court on Warwick Road near the tube station two young American blokes stop me and ask where the football ground is. I believe Chelsea were playing a European game. I do remember not being in the best of moods. I looked at them and said, “The football ground. It’s a bit of a walk” They said that was fine. So I gave them explicit and detailed directions to take them to Fulham … finishing with “and when you get to the river take a left, you can’t miss it”. They thanked me and headed off. I immediately felt guilty and went to call them back but nothing came out of my mouth. Am I a bad man? |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:42 - Jul 24 with 1586 views | danehoop |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 13:06 - Jul 24 by DannyPaddox |
A good few years ago one evening in Earls Court on Warwick Road near the tube station two young American blokes stop me and ask where the football ground is. I believe Chelsea were playing a European game. I do remember not being in the best of moods. I looked at them and said, “The football ground. It’s a bit of a walk” They said that was fine. So I gave them explicit and detailed directions to take them to Fulham … finishing with “and when you get to the river take a left, you can’t miss it”. They thanked me and headed off. I immediately felt guilty and went to call them back but nothing came out of my mouth. Am I a bad man? |
No. Far from it. You were on a mission to save their souls. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:35 - Jul 24 with 1555 views | Boston |
All the best tall stories come around on a regular basis and, at 2.45pm on the 30th of July, many thousands of people will be convinced we're going to get promoted. | |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 10:55 - Jul 25 with 1398 views | Dorse |
'Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe'. The key word being 'believe'. I mean, seriously. More people believed my schtick about Dom Ball being unavailable due to a splintered barse, incurred as a result of his one man Rocking-Horse Rodeo. | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:06 - Jul 25 with 1353 views | simmo |
It's cheating as it's kids but over the years I've told my son some brilliant 'lies'.
The ice cream van was actually repurposed by the B&Q round the corner and were selling drill bits... That I travelled to Nepal and learned a lost art of kung fu that meant I could karate chop through bone (and was the only person ever able to sneak up on the 'sneaking sensei')... That I used to do the voice on the UK version of Dexters Laboratory...
Until he was about 12 my son thought I was basically a real life Walter Mitty. |  |
| ask Beavis I get nothing Butthead |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:23 - Jul 25 with 1293 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 10:55 - Jul 25 by Dorse |
'Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe'. The key word being 'believe'. I mean, seriously. More people believed my schtick about Dom Ball being unavailable due to a splintered barse, incurred as a result of his one man Rocking-Horse Rodeo. |
Didn’t about 10,000 people buy the limited edition Ledesma shirt that season. |  | | |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 15:49 - Jul 25 with 1265 views | kensalriser |
| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 14:35 - Jul 24 by Boston |
All the best tall stories come around on a regular basis and, at 2.45pm on the 30th of July, many thousands of people will be convinced we're going to get promoted. |
This will last 30 minutes at most. |  |
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| Most Obvious Lies You Got People To Believe on 19:48 - Jul 25 with 1188 views | Rebalhoop |
In my youth,I was often told I looked like Eric Bristow,on holiday in Lorett de Mar back in 1988/89 with my,now ex wife,I was so drunk one night I couldn’t stand up,two elderly ladies asked my wife,is that EB ?,yes she says,he’s doing exhibitions around the Costa’s.Someone somewhere has some photos of their lovely Nan with some pissed bloke from Slough... | | | |
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