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christmas 1975, i was a scrap of east end fluff playing football all day round the back of the prefabs in east ham , scrapping , nicking and generally getting up to no good in a innocent 70's fashion...
my posh aunty marjorie from gidea park comes round to our shit hole in east ham with her husband (a Hugh lovegrove jenkins ffs ! ) bearing gifts for the scummy linghorns ...i set my eyes on this huge present , and tear into it like a junk hungry smack head into a liberated pensioners purse, ravenous for a muhmmad ali blow up boxing punchbag , a football and nets, David niven magic hat ..even a tommy cooper fukin golf set.
but no , the labour loving lefty aspiritional brushed denim wearing cnts from their penthouse in slewins lane , gidea park give me a fuking wicker chair.
a wicker chair to a football mad cockney 8year old..
this fuking thing wouldnt have looked out of place on a tim love lee or derek flint poster. i burst into tears , which was probably the fukers intentions.
still gets bought up every year at christmas.
"...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn."
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 11:20 - Jun 30 with 5179 views
My brother has always been crap with presents. When he was younger it usually tended to be something he wanted and would immediately offer to take if off your hands if you didn't like it. Last year though he brought me a hip flask, even though I don't drink, and rather awkwardly bought my wife sexy undies !
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 11:23 - Jun 30 with 5176 views
When I was at primary school(Convent - twinned with Our Blessed Lady Of Guantanamo Bay)we were encouraged to buy religious artefacts one year. The look on my parents faces when they saw all that Catholic sheeit - geezer with exposed heart,crown of thorns,the full monty - burst out of the gift wrapping.Serves you right for sending me there you kunts.
My brother in law got me a Liverpool scarf one xmas and followed it up the following year with a book cataloguing the England Rugby teams World Cup win!!! Yes he is an English Liverpool supporter but ffs, came on holiday once and complained that the papers were full of Scottish football reports....
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 11:45 - Jun 30 with 5133 views
Mum & Dad went threw that 70's phase of dressing me and kid brother in matching jumpers and jackets.
about 1979 (aged 11) when i wanted a Harrington i got a burgundy cord 'jean jacket' style number; to my eternal delight my 5 year old brother got the same jacket and Mum insisted on us wearing them out together every fukkin day....
was mysteriously stolen from school about a week into the new term; honest guv!
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 12:55 - Jun 30 with 5005 views
more a case of worst present i've got someone else...
My West Ham mate bought a 1967 league cup final programme in Romford market for me, to pay him back i got a Hammers cushion for 10p. It was lumpy and made a crackly sound - turned out to be stuffed with scrunched up used shopping bags instead of foam.
A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
On my 30th birthday my wife gave me my presents, looking suspiciously giddy.
I unwrapped the first. It was a book from the Already Dead series, about underground gangs of vampires, that I was really into at the time. Except I already had it. "Ah thanks babe, I've actually already got this one, but good idea"
I opened the next. It was a pair of black jeans. I never wear black jeans. I looked at the size. There has never been an age at which I would I have fitted into them... I looked at her quizzically, but by now she was on the computer, opening up Spotify.
I opened the last present. It was a single cufflink. Exactly like one from the set I already owned. By now, The Venga Boys was blaring out. What the fck is going on here? "Umm... Thanks for my presents" I said, trying to sound convincing, "would you mind turning that shite off?"
"We're going to Eee-bitza" my daft other half sang at me.
It turned out she'd bought us a holiday in Ibiza, with tickets to see Aphex Twin at Space, but wanted me to have something to open on my birthday so had wrapped up the first things she found lying on the floor in the bedroom that morning.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 13:07 - Jun 30 with 4976 views
My godfather bought me one volume of an encyclopedia. It covered the letter "L" as I recall. To this day, I have no idea if that was significant.
Actually, he got my brother an equally useless present. A yahtzee set. I say set; it only contained the score pads - no dice. What was he on?
A girlfriend bought me a flying lesson. Not a great present for someone who hates flying. I split up with her shortly afterwards - not because of the present - and decided to flog the lesson. Someone at work said they'd buy it but, having no idea what it was worth, I rang the flying lesson company, only to be told that my ex's cheque had bounced!
RFA
"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 13:17 - Jun 30 with 4961 views
Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 13:07 - Jun 30 by R_from_afar
My godfather bought me one volume of an encyclopedia. It covered the letter "L" as I recall. To this day, I have no idea if that was significant.
Actually, he got my brother an equally useless present. A yahtzee set. I say set; it only contained the score pads - no dice. What was he on?
A girlfriend bought me a flying lesson. Not a great present for someone who hates flying. I split up with her shortly afterwards - not because of the present - and decided to flog the lesson. Someone at work said they'd buy it but, having no idea what it was worth, I rang the flying lesson company, only to be told that my ex's cheque had bounced!
RFA
some good ones lads but the wicker chair wins hands down. 8 years of age and you get that.
Who buys their own sister sexy underwear. That's a little creepy.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 13:51 - Jun 30 with 4924 views
I like to keep cables tidy and organised as much as the next man, but my wife bought me leather cable organisers for Christmas a couple of years ago. Hands down the most boring present anyone has ever bought me.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 13:58 - Jun 30 with 4917 views
April 4th 1988 my mum and dad bought me a pair of binoculars for my 21st, only saving grace was we beat Spurs 2-0 that day with a howler from Bobby Mimms
favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
For my 14th birthday I got a waste paper bin with some clowns drawn on it from my mum and dad and when I graduated from university these same said people bought me a porcelain bear figurine with a motor board hat and gown.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 14:58 - Jun 30 with 4875 views
When I was younger we used to have to celebrate our Christmases with our cousins, dunno why. Maybe it just meant more presents. Either way it was torture when we were young - we had to wait till The Grownups had eaten and washed up before we were allowed presents. Anyway one year my cousin Tom, a year older than me, was given a present by his parents - I saw him unwrap it - a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket (whatever the f*!k that is). He didn't know what to say. A year later, his Dad unwraps his present from Tom - a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket ... a year on, and I open my present from my uncle & aunt. Yes, a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket ... Wish I'd kept it now, it would be fun to have passed it on, year after year, never breaking the chain. As it is I chucked it on a fire and watched it burn.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 15:06 - Jun 30 with 4866 views
Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 14:58 - Jun 30 by RedbourneR
When I was younger we used to have to celebrate our Christmases with our cousins, dunno why. Maybe it just meant more presents. Either way it was torture when we were young - we had to wait till The Grownups had eaten and washed up before we were allowed presents. Anyway one year my cousin Tom, a year older than me, was given a present by his parents - I saw him unwrap it - a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket (whatever the f*!k that is). He didn't know what to say. A year later, his Dad unwraps his present from Tom - a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket ... a year on, and I open my present from my uncle & aunt. Yes, a bottle-green velvet smoking jacket ... Wish I'd kept it now, it would be fun to have passed it on, year after year, never breaking the chain. As it is I chucked it on a fire and watched it burn.
When one of my sons was five he was given a rather heavy present by my mother. Being terribly scottish, she never bothered with labels. Upon opening the box, a vintage bottle of champagne was revealed. "What I have always wanted", my son exclaimed. Perhaps good manners but he had no real idea what he had been given.
My mother then explained that was for a friend whose 70th birthday party they had been to a couple of days prior.
I do wonder, to this day, what they thought of the Corgi car transporter they had been given
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 15:38 - Jun 30 with 4822 views
Not me personally but the old man once got a pair of hand made Italian shoes off my grandad Nothing wrong with that you may think , but my grandad was so tight he wouldn't even give you the germs from his cold let alone a hand made pair of loafers so suspicion set in It turns out his mate wally from the end of the road had died and only worn the shoes twice , my grandad went round there and took this pair of shoes fresh from the box and wrapped them as a present for Xmas My old man done his nut much to the bemusement of my grandad who thought It was the best gift ever
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 15:43 - Jun 30 with 4815 views
Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 11:20 - Jun 30 by WokingR
My brother has always been crap with presents. When he was younger it usually tended to be something he wanted and would immediately offer to take if off your hands if you didn't like it. Last year though he brought me a hip flask, even though I don't drink, and rather awkwardly bought my wife sexy undies !
Perhaps he was just returning them to her?
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 18:31 - Jun 30 with 4730 views
There was a particularly dramatic explosion at a family Christmas of ours in the dim and distant past when a friend of the family, after 15 years of marriage, bought and wrapped his wife a bread bin for her to open in front of us all. Genuine present as well, not a wind up.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 19:35 - Jun 30 with 4666 views
About 20 years ago I bought my ex a present and put it wrapped, under the tree. She was grinning for a week, right up to the point where she unwrapped what she was convinced was a video recorder, but it turned out to be a foot spa. She didn't talk to me for a fortnight.
100% of people who drink water will die.
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Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 19:41 - Jun 30 with 4654 views
Worst Presents you've ever ever been bought. on 18:31 - Jun 30 by Northernr
There was a particularly dramatic explosion at a family Christmas of ours in the dim and distant past when a friend of the family, after 15 years of marriage, bought and wrapped his wife a bread bin for her to open in front of us all. Genuine present as well, not a wind up.
My mate's dad bought his mum a carving knife one xmas. They were divorced soon after.
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