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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 655875 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 15:57 - Jan 2 with 7265 viewsNewBee

Corny Joke Warning on 09:18 - Jan 2 by Esox_Lucius

Second fastest is a motor Pike with a side Carp.


Even faster if it's turbot-charged.

(Joke probably works better if told by a Frenchman)
[Post edited 2 Jan 2021 15:57]
2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:03 - Jan 3 with 7139 viewsEsox_Lucius

My biology teacher asked me to name examples of two crustaceans.
I said Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean.

The grass is always greener.

7
Corny Joke Warning on 15:28 - Jan 3 with 7115 viewsloftboy

What did the drummer name his twin girls?





Anna1 Anna2

favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
Poll: Are you watching the World Cup

3
Corny Joke Warning on 11:25 - Jan 5 with 6961 viewsEsox_Lucius

My wife accused me of having an affair with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
How could she say that?

The grass is always greener.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 11:54 - Jan 5 with 6934 viewsqprphil

I was just thinking , if you put a vaccine in beer, and opened up all the pubs, the whole country would be vaccinated in a week.
1
Corny Joke Warning on 21:35 - Jan 5 with 6819 viewsEsox_Lucius

I pulled up at the traffic lights next to a stunning looking girl,
I smiled at her and wound my window down,
She smiled back and wound her window down.
I said "have you farted as well?"

The grass is always greener.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 17:24 - Jan 7 with 6708 viewsacricketer

My mother in law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she gets home and unpacks her luggage...
8
Corny Joke Warning on 17:51 - Jan 7 with 6665 viewsGaryT

Corny Joke Warning on 15:28 - Jan 3 by loftboy

What did the drummer name his twin girls?





Anna1 Anna2


Esox gives a thumbs up to a joke he told himself less than a month ago!

This is taking Spackmaning to a new level!




OK, OK, I promise not to point out any more Spackmans.
2
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:41 - Jan 7 with 6593 viewsDavieQPR

Corny Joke Warning on 11:54 - Jan 5 by qprphil

I was just thinking , if you put a vaccine in beer, and opened up all the pubs, the whole country would be vaccinated in a week.


Give it to Amazon drivers, they could vaccinate everyone within a week or two days if they have Prime.
1
Corny Joke Warning on 13:57 - Jan 9 with 6444 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 17:24 - Jan 7 by acricketer

My mother in law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she gets home and unpacks her luggage...


Six up votes yet the joke stinks.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 12:48 - Jan 10 with 6392 viewsjohann28

During the latest lockdown I've written my autobiography. The missus didn't enjoy it, she can't understand why I'm so obsessed with my car.
3
Corny Joke Warning on 09:36 - Jan 11 with 6319 viewsDorse

Got a steering wheel stuck down my trousers. Tell you what, it's driving me nuts.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

2
Corny Joke Warning on 15:40 - Jan 13 with 6198 viewsEsox_Lucius

I accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles.
My wife asked me if I was going to be OK.
I told her "my next trip to the toilet could spell disaster".

The grass is always greener.

7
Corny Joke Warning on 17:16 - Jan 14 with 6118 viewsloftboy

I hired this bloke to do seven simple jobs to fix around my house. But he only done tasks number 1,3,5 and 7.

Apparently he was just an odd job man.

favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
Poll: Are you watching the World Cup

3
Corny Joke Warning on 17:27 - Jan 14 with 6102 viewshantssi

Dear Sir

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for your
application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new
reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed.
Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution
to the program if selected, I would point out that the
correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4.
10
Corny Joke Warning on 22:25 - Jan 14 with 6024 viewsDorse

Corny Joke Warning on 17:27 - Jan 14 by hantssi

Dear Sir

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for your
application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new
reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed.
Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution
to the program if selected, I would point out that the
correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4.


Damn it. Fat fingers Hantssi. Down arrowed whilst trying to up arrow.

What a hunt.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

-1
Corny Joke Warning on 01:41 - Jan 15 with 5970 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 17:27 - Jan 14 by hantssi

Dear Sir

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for your
application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new
reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed.
Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution
to the program if selected, I would point out that the
correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4.


Aha, the seafood diet. when she see's food she eats it.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 17:29 - Jan 15 with 5858 viewsMyke

My Spanish mate rang me to tell me he is trying a new non-protein diet.
I said 'No whey Jose!'
2
Corny Joke Warning on 18:40 - Jan 16 with 5744 viewsMyke

I said to one of my students "Give me a sentence beginning with'I'"
The kid goes "I is the..."
"No", I interrupted him, "Don't say 'I is', say "I am"'
The student hesitates.
"Go on", I encouraged him.
"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet"
2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:00 - Jan 18 with 5643 viewsjohann28

Can't stand cricket. I mean, what's the point of watching someone endlessly hitting a ball with a piece of wood? Give me snooker any day.
[Post edited 18 Jan 2021 22:40]
0
Corny Joke Warning on 15:40 - Jan 19 with 5525 viewsEsox_Lucius

There’s rumours that the vaccine is going to run out soon, the Pfizer chiefs predict a riot.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 01:01 - Jan 20 with 5459 viewsBoston

Mrs Boston works in the medical world and some time ago she handed me a compilation of doctors observations, a few I still remember....

The patient had no previous history of suicides.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient was experiencing numbness from her toes down.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 13:34 - Jan 20 with 5379 viewsEsox_Lucius

Just hearing reports of a man collapsing on the London Eye this morning. Paramedics on the scene said the man was coming around slowly.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 11:07 - Jan 21 with 5286 viewsEsox_Lucius

My mate’s tyre and puncture repair business is so successful he recently moved into a big, old Manor House in the country.
And to think he only started with a small flat.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Jan 21 with 5281 viewsMyke

Corny Joke Warning on 15:40 - Jan 13 by Esox_Lucius

I accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles.
My wife asked me if I was going to be OK.
I told her "my next trip to the toilet could spell disaster".


I am a member of a very exclusive scrabble club. But I have fallen behind with the membership fee payments and their solicitor is now sending me threatening letters
6
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