| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 895031 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:10 - Aug 17 with 8949 views | Sonofpugwash |
I recently surveyed 30 women about which shampoo gel they used.
The overwhelming answer was, 'Get out of my shower!' |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:13 - Aug 17 with 8952 views | acricketer |
It must be a very worrying time at the moment for anybody who has dumped a body in a reservoir | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:44 - Aug 24 with 8759 views | johann28 |
Joined a gym the other day and said to the trainer, 'hey, I want to impress some beautiful ladies - which machine I should use?'
He suggested the ATM outside. [Post edited 24 Aug 2022 14:45]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:27 - Aug 26 with 8585 views | Esox_Lucius |
I was sat down talking to my wife last night and she asked me what was one thing I wished I had done when I was younger.
I thought about it for a while and replied "I wish I had listened to my mum when she told me stuff"
She said "What sort of stuff?"
I replied "I don't know, I never listened". |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:29 - Aug 26 with 8580 views | Esox_Lucius |
If anyone is thinking of dumping a body; dress as Aladdin. If anyone sees you with a rolled up carpet over your shoulder they will just think you are having a mental breakdown. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:09 - Aug 26 with 8529 views | Boston |
I popped into Specsavers the other day for a new pair of glasses, guess who I bumped int?
Everybody. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:30 - Aug 27 with 8381 views | Sonofpugwash |
My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill.
They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:33 - Aug 28 with 8249 views | Esox_Lucius |
If you were 8 when Rock Lobster was released, you'd B-52 now. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:08 - Aug 29 with 8121 views | Dorse |
Went to a restaurant in Manchester that served Oasis soup. Apparently, it's very similar to other soups except you got a roll with it. [Post edited 1 Sep 2022 21:24]
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| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:28 - Sep 1 with 7972 views | Sonofpugwash |
As I get older I find I only need three shops...Specsavers,Boots and Greggs.
My life is specs and drugs and sausage rolls. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:26 - Sep 1 with 7930 views | HAYESBOY |
My overweight Parrot died yesterday. Sad, but its a weight off my shoulders. |  |
| Smells like a trout farm in here |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:41 - Sep 1 with 7896 views | A40Bosh |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:44 - Aug 3 by Boston |
Never order meringues in Australia, they fcking hate 'em.
Yeah, Aussies boo meringues. |
I went in to a Glasgow Patisserie and pointed to something that looked nice and asked
"Excuse me, is that a cake or a meringue?"
She replied "Nah, yer right it is a cake" |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:54 - Sep 5 with 7722 views | Boston |
Why should you bring an extra sock when you go golfing.
Case you get a hole in one. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:07 - Sep 6 with 7554 views | Sonofpugwash |
We're in the midst of curing my brother of his obsession with Tipperary but it's a long way to go. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:22 - Sep 6 with 7536 views | loftboy |
My grossly overweight parrot died yesterday, very sad but a huge weight off my shoulders. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:09 - Sep 6 with 7484 views | Sonofpugwash |
I'm doing bell ringing for a couple of hours three times a week.
The bus drivers aren't too impressed. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:44 - Sep 7 with 7309 views | Esox_Lucius |
Last year I invented a sandal for a one legged person, but It was a flop! | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:41 - Sep 7 with 7258 views | Esox_Lucius |
At my audition for Britain's Got Talent, Simon Cowell asked me what my talent was and I told him I did bird impressions.
He said, "Sorry, boring and not original."
I said, "Fair enough!!!" and flew out of the window. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:14 - Sep 7 with 7128 views | Boston |
Young girl walks into a pet store, approaches the gent behind the counter and asks, "excuthe me, mither, do you sell liddle wabbits?
Grinning, the storekeeper bends down and asks, "would you prefer a liddle white wabbit or a liddle bwown wabbit, they're both really cute?"
The young lass leans forward and whispers, " I don't fink my pet pyfon really giss a thit." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Sep 7 with 7102 views | Benny_the_Ball |
Who is the artist with the smelliest finger?
Picasso. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:13 - Sep 8 with 7005 views | Esox_Lucius |
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't
unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
‘Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's selling batteries."
"Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Sep 11 with 6760 views | Sonofpugwash |
Had to leave my job at the tyre fitters.
Couldn't handle the pressure. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:50 - Sep 13 with 10914 views | Esox_Lucius |
A drummer went into a shop and asked for a snare skin and a hi hat cover, the man behind the counter asked “ are you a drummer?”
"Wow!" The drummer said," how did you know?"
"This is a butchers" said the man. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:10 - Sep 13 with 10798 views | Sonofpugwash |
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier:
He said to the female whale. "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look." She said "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:12 - Sep 13 with 10777 views | stowmarketrange |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:10 - Sep 13 by Sonofpugwash |
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier:
He said to the female whale. "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look." She said "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen." |
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