| Favourite Fictional Footballers 20:29 - Jun 18 with 6012 views | TwoHalves |
It’s been an enduring fantasy of mine for Queens Park Rangers to sign a goalkeeper called Billy Thompson.
This, as many of us will be aware, happens to be the ‘real’ name of Fulchester United’s No 1, the curly-permed and mulleted ‘Billy the Fish’.
There’s something about the absurdity of the ‘half-man, half-fish’ custodian, who famously ‘swims through the air’, that appeals to my, at times puerile, sense of humour.
It got me thinking, is anyone else obsessed with fictional footballers? And, if so, who might yours be?
Edit: Tempting though it is to nominate Justin Obikwu, I’m going to insist that we exercise restraint on this one, very specific, occasion. |  | | |  |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 08:42 - Jun 19 with 4546 views | TheChef |
Hotshot Hamish. |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 09:35 - Jun 19 with 4515 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 08:42 - Jun 19 by TheChef |
Hotshot Hamish. |
Can’t believe I’d never heard of Hot Shot Hamish before your post, Chef.
For some reason I found the detail on the Wiki page that ‘the gentle Hebridean giant has a powerful frame emphasised by the fact that he always plays in a shirt which is far too small and which does not reach the waistband of his shorts’ and that ‘one of the supporting characters is his pet sheep McMutton’ achingly funny. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 09:42 - Jun 19 with 4504 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
Justin Obikwu
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 09:43 - Jun 19 with 4506 views | NewYorkRanger |
Paco Diaz for me. Something of the unpredictable about him. Think he'd do well at Rangers |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 09:45 - Jun 19 with 4498 views | Superhoops2808 |
Roy of the Rovers, no brainer really |  | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:28 - Jun 19 with 4434 views | terryb |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 09:45 - Jun 19 by Superhoops2808 |
Roy of the Rovers, no brainer really |
What! He had to rely on Blackie Gray setting up all of his goals!
My vote goes to Billy Dane(?), the hero of Billy's Boots. [Post edited 19 Jun 10:36]
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:34 - Jun 19 with 4417 views | RBlock |
Steve Barnes, legend of the Striker!, Sweeper!, and Defender! trilogy, combining top level football management with international espionage and crime fighting.
https://www.balls.ie/football/ |  | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:49 - Jun 19 with 4390 views | TwoHalves |
Always had a soft spot for Billy Dane, the central character in comic strip Billy’s Boots, too.
Essentially Billy is a hopeless footballer who finds a decades-old pair of hobnail boots, once owned by legendary striker Charles ‘Dead Shot’ Keen, while clearing his grandmother’s loft.
The boots possess ‘magical qualities’ that somehow turn Billy into a world-class player when he wears them.
Just wondering if our own prospects might improved if Stan’s old boots could be located. | | | |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:52 - Jun 19 with 4384 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:34 - Jun 19 by RBlock |
Steve Barnes, legend of the Striker!, Sweeper!, and Defender! trilogy, combining top level football management with international espionage and crime fighting.
https://www.balls.ie/football/ |
Again, new to me. What a premise! | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:16 - Jun 19 with 4359 views | RBlock |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:52 - Jun 19 by TwoHalves |
Again, new to me. What a premise! |
Get stuck into those book reviews. Steve Bruce's finest work! | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:20 - Jun 19 with 4349 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Diana Ross - The Conor Washington of Motown! |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:40 - Jun 19 with 4307 views | bosh67 |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:20 - Jun 19 by PlanetHonneywood |
Diana Ross - The Conor Washington of Motown! |
To be fair if she had staggered the run up...
As Roy Keane said, 'she's got hit the target from there!' [Post edited 19 Jun 11:40]
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:49 - Jun 19 with 4282 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 11:20 - Jun 19 by PlanetHonneywood |
Diana Ross - The Conor Washington of Motown! |
Sh*tsville USA | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 15:05 - Jun 19 with 4155 views | FredManRave |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:34 - Jun 19 by RBlock |
Steve Barnes, legend of the Striker!, Sweeper!, and Defender! trilogy, combining top level football management with international espionage and crime fighting.
https://www.balls.ie/football/ |
Wasn't there a thread on Striker where some of us wore our Steve Brue hats and attempted to continue the story, writing at his level?!
Tried looking, but couldn't find it, unfortunately. Would love to know if it's still out there somewhere as it goes down as a LFW classic thread imo.
First person to find and share it wins... |  |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 16:19 - Jun 19 with 4084 views | TwoHalves |
The Billy Dane thing could run and run. Imagine where we’d be if Les Ferdinand’s old boots had somehow found their way into Xan Celar’s gran’s attic.
Or if Rodney Marsh’s size 10’s had turned up at a car boot sale (car boot sale, geddit?) and been picked up as part of a job lot by Conor Washington’s next-door-neighbour, who, not realising their true value or significance, had decided to give them to the former Rangers striker as a Christmas present.
The possibilities are endless. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 17:03 - Jun 19 with 4050 views | Paddyhoops |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 10:28 - Jun 19 by terryb |
What! He had to rely on Blackie Gray setting up all of his goals!
My vote goes to Billy Dane(?), the hero of Billy's Boots. [Post edited 19 Jun 10:36]
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Geoff Giles was the Didier Decahamp of his day .
He did all the nuts and bolts stuff for the likes of Gray and Race .
Blind as a bat, mind.
If you know , you know. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 17:20 - Jun 19 with 4023 views | systemsguy |
Loved Stark...
Match winner for hire .. £500 no win no fee
They brilliantly had a storyline when he could play for either England or Scotland due to his mother being born in Scotland
He chose SCOTLAND! even had a mock headline of a newspaper calling him McStark!
If memory serves me well a few years later John Barnes was in the enviable posistion of being able to choos England, Scotland or Wales as he applied for a British passport, I think he was born abroad? ..
From the 80s I remember Gary "taff" Bannister who had played briefly for the England U21's about how he was desperate to play for Wales as they offered him a full cap (the rules forbade him at the time) and Vinnie Jones (spit) also played for Wales through some grannie as well.. |  |
| 2025/2026.... Keep Calm, no matter the season, we'll follow our team..... |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 19:26 - Jun 19 with 3924 views | Wegerles_Stairs |
In Roy of the Rovers I liked when Roy signed Nat 'Grandad' Gosden, who was early 30s with a combover. Footballers aged more back then - now he'd have been off to Turkey in the close season.
Also, Tubby Morton, Rovers' keeper from the 50s and 60s, who made an unlikely return to the first team in the 80s, famously falling asleep during one match and contributing to Roy's exit to Walford. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:34 - Jun 19 with 3836 views | Wegerles_Stairs |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 17:20 - Jun 19 by systemsguy |
Loved Stark...
Match winner for hire .. £500 no win no fee
They brilliantly had a storyline when he could play for either England or Scotland due to his mother being born in Scotland
He chose SCOTLAND! even had a mock headline of a newspaper calling him McStark!
If memory serves me well a few years later John Barnes was in the enviable posistion of being able to choos England, Scotland or Wales as he applied for a British passport, I think he was born abroad? ..
From the 80s I remember Gary "taff" Bannister who had played briefly for the England U21's about how he was desperate to play for Wales as they offered him a full cap (the rules forbade him at the time) and Vinnie Jones (spit) also played for Wales through some grannie as well.. |
Yes, Scoop magazine with its predictor computer. Stark was so far ahead of its time as a concept. Nowadays he could just play in the Saudi League. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:36 - Jun 19 with 3835 views | Wegerles_Stairs |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 16:19 - Jun 19 by TwoHalves |
The Billy Dane thing could run and run. Imagine where we’d be if Les Ferdinand’s old boots had somehow found their way into Xan Celar’s gran’s attic.
Or if Rodney Marsh’s size 10’s had turned up at a car boot sale (car boot sale, geddit?) and been picked up as part of a job lot by Conor Washington’s next-door-neighbour, who, not realising their true value or significance, had decided to give them to the former Rangers striker as a Christmas present.
The possibilities are endless. |
I think Billy's gran was trolling him. No one could possibly throw someone's boots out so regularly by accident. [Post edited 19 Jun 21:36]
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:40 - Jun 19 with 3816 views | Wegerles_Stairs |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 17:03 - Jun 19 by Paddyhoops |
Geoff Giles was the Didier Decahamp of his day .
He did all the nuts and bolts stuff for the likes of Gray and Race .
Blind as a bat, mind.
If you know , you know. |
Moved across the city to hated rivals Melboro and Rovers got relegated. Roy, who often made baffling transfer decisions, was actually a pretty poor manager.
In the early 80s alone, he was relegated, shot, had half his team blown up in a terrorist car bomb and signed two members of Spandau Ballet for the first team. | | | |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:43 - Jun 19 with 3806 views | R_from_afar |
I loved "Football Family Robinson," about a team composed entirely of relatives. I seem to remember that their manager was a terrifying looking, Ena Sharples style, battleaxe called Ma. Yikes!
Then there was "Millionaire Villa," a story in which millionaire David Bradley gave impecunious first division Selby Villa two million pounds, on the condition that he played in the first team even though he was useless. Good thing Flavio never read that strip!  |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:50 - Jun 19 with 3793 views | Mick_S |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 15:05 - Jun 19 by FredManRave |
Wasn't there a thread on Striker where some of us wore our Steve Brue hats and attempted to continue the story, writing at his level?!
Tried looking, but couldn't find it, unfortunately. Would love to know if it's still out there somewhere as it goes down as a LFW classic thread imo.
First person to find and share it wins... |
Bump.
A very top thread if someone could oblige. I’m not lazy, just shit at stuff like this. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 22:18 - Jun 19 with 3756 views | TwoHalves |
| Favourite Fictional Footballers on 21:43 - Jun 19 by R_from_afar |
I loved "Football Family Robinson," about a team composed entirely of relatives. I seem to remember that their manager was a terrifying looking, Ena Sharples style, battleaxe called Ma. Yikes!
Then there was "Millionaire Villa," a story in which millionaire David Bradley gave impecunious first division Selby Villa two million pounds, on the condition that he played in the first team even though he was useless. Good thing Flavio never read that strip! |
For some reason that’s reminded me of the story that one of Saddam Hussein’s sons once arranged a fixture with a Barcelona XI as a special birthday present for himself. Untold millions would have changed hands. Apparently it was written into the contract that he must be allowed to score a goal himself.
No idea of the veracity of that but sounds perfectly plausible to me. | | | |
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