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I was talking to a bloke in the pub who claimed he designed the latest engine for the McLaren F1 racing car. I told Liam behind the bar who said “ah, just ignore him, he's all torque”
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Corny Joke Warning on 07:34 - May 5 with 4155 views
Do you get cold sweats when filling your car up with petrol.? Do you feel sick when you hand over your credit card to pay.? Then you're suffering from the Carowner virus.
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Corny Joke Warning on 17:41 - May 13 with 3703 views
A wealthy Arab Sheik was in desperate need of surgery. Unfortunately, the poor man had a very rare blood type, and the doctors couldn't proceed until they found a donor.
Up and down the country they looked until they discovered wee Willie McGinty in the Gorbals was a perfect match.
McGinty, upon hearing of the situation, generously offered to donate.
The surgery went well, the patient survived and was up and running in no time.
Couple of days later, McGinty answers a knock on the door and finds a dozen swarthy Omar Sharif types, they present him with a Mercedes, gold watches, a diamond ring, 25k in cash and a pair of tickets for a luxury flight and holiday in Bali.
McGinty has a great time.
Following year, he receives another call for blood, the Arab gent is once again in need of hospital treatment, McGinty readily gives a pint.
Two weeks later, he gets a thank you card.
Willie's taken aback, so much so he calls the bloke and asks what's the problem, how come he's only got something from Hallmark?
"Well y'see laddy, I've got Scottish blood running through ma veins noo".
So last week before they officially ‘graduated’ my Leaving Cert students had ‘anything but school bags’ day. So they were transporting their books in a variety of implements from prams to cooler boxes to suit cases etc. One guy brought in a wheel-barrow, which was immediately confiscated by management. When he complained, I said the school didn’t mind entering into the spirit of the occasion, but he was pushing it.
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:26 - Jun 5 with 2230 views
I was well pissed this lunchtime - eleven pints and six whiskies. I came out of the pub and a policewoman said “you're staggering” I replied “thanks, you're not so bad yourself”.
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Corny Joke Warning on 02:09 - Jun 6 with 2143 views
After Nigeria was unexpectedly eliminated from the World Cup, their captain offered to personally refund all expenses for any fans who'd already made travel arrangements.
All he needs are their bank details and pin numbers.
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