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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
Club rules (stolen from Facebook):
1) If it puts us to sleep, you're on the right track.
2) Everything you share must include your own commentary on why it is dull. Also included in this: insubstantial commentary or "sharing for the sake of sharing". Only original, dull humour accepted.
3) No political content. Political content on political processes can be OK if extraordinarily dull. If in doubt, don't post it.
4) No guts and blood, no gross bodily functions, etc. Yuck! Yes, your toes are gross.
5) Make sure everyone feels safe. Bullying and degrading posts and comments are not allowed.
I've read this post. This is a post I've read. I'm explaining this because it's important to explain exactly how, in the dullest way possible. Just once although I may consider doing it again in the future if circumstances are right. I started by making sure my eyes were open, you can never be too careful. I moved them at a medium pace from left to right across the text at a pace where I felt I'd be sure to absorb the information. One line at a time. Top to bottom, I want to make that clear. You can never be too careful. Once I'd finished reading I took a pause to consider what I'd read, I didn't want to misinterpret anything. After all, you can never be too careful.
Edit: I've edited this post. I'll explain why in the dullest way possible. You see, originally, I used the word fullest instead of the word dullest. Because of autocorrect. But as that was important to the point I was making, I hit the edit button and changed it. Ironically, it turns out that actually, you never can be too careful when typing.
We were sat eating dinner one night at my in-laws, and my wife noted that the lighting in the room seemed different. My father-in-law, who is a lovely bloke, then spent over an hour explaining why he had to get a different bulb for the floor lamp, and talking us through the bulb requirements for every single fu cking light in their house and garage, with the associated ease/complexity of getting the preferred bulb either online or at seemingly every retailer in the West Midlands. All delivered in a Brummie accent at about 8 words per minute. He would disappear for a couple of minutes every now and then and return with the bulb he was talking about. I genuinely had to excuse myself and go for a lie down upstairs.
Comfortably the most bored I’ve ever been, and I’ve stood/sat through 5 consecutive 0-0’s under Paul Bracewell. Epic tedium.
Few years ago I met an ex from when I had just finished uni at a mate's wedding. She said she'd heard from other people that I was doing well, but the person they told her about sounded nothing like the guy she used to go out with. She said she was sorry about the meaner things she'd said when dumping me, and asked me what had changed.
And the simple answer was, I have just been so much more comfortable in my own skin ever since I have just leant into the fact that I am just encoded as one of the most tedious people you'll ever meet. A real bore's bore.
I urge everyone to do the same. Nothing gives me a buzz like derailing a work meeting to make a 2 minute comparison of our predicament to a S2 episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. In a rush? Not a bother, I'm still going to explain something in excruciatingly unnecessary detail. Give it a whirl. Empower yourself to bore people
Few years ago I met an ex from when I had just finished uni at a mate's wedding. She said she'd heard from other people that I was doing well, but the person they told her about sounded nothing like the guy she used to go out with. She said she was sorry about the meaner things she'd said when dumping me, and asked me what had changed.
And the simple answer was, I have just been so much more comfortable in my own skin ever since I have just leant into the fact that I am just encoded as one of the most tedious people you'll ever meet. A real bore's bore.
I urge everyone to do the same. Nothing gives me a buzz like derailing a work meeting to make a 2 minute comparison of our predicament to a S2 episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. In a rush? Not a bother, I'm still going to explain something in excruciatingly unnecessary detail. Give it a whirl. Empower yourself to bore people
Right well I guess now we know who's been giving our team talks for the last few months. Our lot have definitely been empowered to bore people. Thanks Robith.
On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!
Neil Critchley.
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
I once asked a girl I fancied in a holiday style romancee kind of thing if they were her keys that she got out of her bag. In front of my mates. Now that’s what I call boring # 52.
Sat having a quiet pint in a pub, with a couple having their first date on the next table. Lots of long, awkward pauses and then he asks her whether she finds toast more filling than bread. She asked him what he meant, and he repeated the question. She didn’t answer and they just say there in silence.
You’ve never met this person, you have their whole life to ask them about, and you ask them if they think toast is more filling than bread. Proper dull.
It's so dull that they don't even talk to each other as they stand antisocially distant from each other on train platforms around the country. Surely, if you ve seen 952006 bombing past you at 100mph, you'd want to share the magic of the experience. Apparently not.
Never see a hot piece of womankind trainspotting either.
Do I win?
[Post edited 1 Mar 2023 19:14]
'Always In Motion' by John Honney available on amazon.co.uk
Sat having a quiet pint in a pub, with a couple having their first date on the next table. Lots of long, awkward pauses and then he asks her whether she finds toast more filling than bread. She asked him what he meant, and he repeated the question. She didn’t answer and they just say there in silence.
You’ve never met this person, you have their whole life to ask them about, and you ask them if they think toast is more filling than bread. Proper dull.
Bread I reckon. But I suppose context is everything, usually I'm having a slice of toast with a bit of butter and thats that, but with bread its generally part of a full sandwich with fillings and that all adds up. Or on the side with a bowl of soup but again the addition of the soup adds up.
Listening to my mum tell me about someone I have already explained several times that I don't know and have never even heard of's sister is in hospital and their doctor (don't know him either) has been brilliant because normally you'd have to be referred to...
I forget how it ends as I had fallen into a narcoleptic coma by this point.
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'
Is this the sort of post where I can talk about my enamel pin badge collection in a safe place?
Yes, go for it, we don’t judge on this thread
I’m very interested in tractors. Porsche used to make them and Lamborghini still do.
"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."
Sat having a quiet pint in a pub, with a couple having their first date on the next table. Lots of long, awkward pauses and then he asks her whether she finds toast more filling than bread. She asked him what he meant, and he repeated the question. She didn’t answer and they just say there in silence.
You’ve never met this person, you have their whole life to ask them about, and you ask them if they think toast is more filling than bread. Proper dull.
A friend of mine, not me, a friend, was on a first date with a woman and he brought her for a drive in the Wicklow Mountains. There was some silence. It got awkward. And longer. It was replaced by a longer silence, then two short silences joined together. Catastrophe.
He started to panic, and sweat, trying desperately to think of something to say. Anything. Of all the words in the English language, he reached for and blurted out.
"Marmalade".
There was no second date.
"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
I know that they are young and finding their way in life and need to conform but young people that I see out and about strike me as being really really uninteresting. Maybe it's because I'm a bit odd but I never really see or hear anything quirky from them beyond looking at their phones, saying 'I was like ......', copying each other and talking about other people.
Probably I'm just an old fart and they see me as being walking dead.
I once asked a girl I fancied in a holiday style romancee kind of thing if they were her keys that she got out of her bag. In front of my mates. Now that’s what I call boring # 52.
My mate asked a girl he fancied at the pub - first line, first words he ever uttered to her - "do you like bread?"
I once had a drink with a girl I quite liked and we'd had a reasonable first chat in a group when all drunk - turns out she was once babysat by an ex-girlfriend in cambridgeshire which was a coincidence - which had led to this drink so she obviously was a bit interested and she had made a bit of an effort and like I say I quite liked her so it should have all been good, and all I could find to talk about was how to stack dishwashers and how I didn't like how my flat mate did it.
My mate asked a girl he fancied at the pub - first line, first words he ever uttered to her - "do you like bread?"
I once had a drink with a girl I quite liked and we'd had a reasonable first chat in a group when all drunk - turns out she was once babysat by an ex-girlfriend in cambridgeshire which was a coincidence - which had led to this drink so she obviously was a bit interested and she had made a bit of an effort and like I say I quite liked her so it should have all been good, and all I could find to talk about was how to stack dishwashers and how I didn't like how my flat mate did it.
[Post edited 2 Mar 2023 0:01]
I've never had more than 1 dishwasher.
Chairman of the Junior Hoilett appreciation society
Story: some woman eats a crisp that would have earned her 100k. Whatever. Who gives a f*ck?
But this comment;
"I don't stand much of a chance, my crisps were generally squashed by the time I got eat them. Huh getting people to look for a poxy heart shaped crisp is way to sadistic . I'm going to stick to my six pack of Aldi ridge cut crisps. I have one packet a week ,so they last me just over a month,, six weeks"
Those last two lines. Shut up, you fking chief.
Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah, his crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.
Bread I reckon. But I suppose context is everything, usually I'm having a slice of toast with a bit of butter and thats that, but with bread its generally part of a full sandwich with fillings and that all adds up. Or on the side with a bowl of soup but again the addition of the soup adds up.
I think you have to carefully consider the type of bread before picking a side in this debate. A generously sized slice or two of brown bread accompanying a bowl of soup is often enough to satisfy most people's hunger pangs at lunchtime. This would often avoid the need to order a sandwich at the same time. Not many people think about this before ordering both a soup and sandwich, and end up not finishing everything, which is costly both for your pocket and the environment.
I think you have to carefully consider the type of bread before picking a side in this debate. A generously sized slice or two of brown bread accompanying a bowl of soup is often enough to satisfy most people's hunger pangs at lunchtime. This would often avoid the need to order a sandwich at the same time. Not many people think about this before ordering both a soup and sandwich, and end up not finishing everything, which is costly both for your pocket and the environment.
I'm planning a toasted cheese sandwich for lunch - but then I wonder if one will be enough?
The other concern is the optimum amount of cheese correctly positioned in the bread so that the cheese doesn't leak (often requiring a difficult clean up process afterwards).
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