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I've managed to avoid any serious lows myself, but my wife has really struggled with it and anxiety. She's been on medication for years which helps, has a good doctor she can talk to, makes sure she eats well and exercises pretty much every day. She's able to manage it pretty well and the lows are definitely less frequent than they used to be.
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The dark cloud of depression on 00:53 - Jul 20 with 2521 views
The dark cloud of depression on 21:12 - Jul 19 by WindsorR
That's just how I feel, the medication makes me feel worse. I just can't see any light anymore.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.
When my partner was on medication it made her feel worse before she felt better. She had a similar experience with the counselling, initially it was focused on CBT which she didn't like (although I think that was down to her mindset at the time because it did teach her some useful tools for coping) but she changed counselors and in time has got better.
Anyway the point of all that is to say try to be patient, you've done the hard part in asking for help and talking to people about what you're going through. Try not to let slow progress get you down even more. There's a lot of good advice in this thread and many different things that can help, so don't give up hope.
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The dark cloud of depression on 06:26 - Jul 20 with 2464 views
Firstly don’t apologise, starting this thread may be the first step to moving forward.
I now believe I have suffered on and off all my life (I’m 50) I finally admitted I had an issue just ove 2 and a half years ago. A combination of therapy and medication was my starting point. It was hard and I felt very alone with it.
The turning point was breaking down at work, I was left with no choice but to talk. Luckily my line manager is an amazing bloke and work stepped up as a whole. Counselling was now on work time and I found people truly care. It’s also scary how many people go through this horrible disease.
I dumped all social media, screen time is a killer, sat home alone thinking everyone else is having fun.
Exercise gets mentioned a lot and I tried for a while but my turning point was joining a choir. I don’t even think I can sing! I’ve met some great people but all the songs we sing are positive and uplifting even if I wouldn’t choose half of them.
I’ve survived lockdown up here and that began in plaster, still on the meds but have my self worth back. Counsellor is there if needed but I stopped over a year ago now.
It can be beaten, I think it will always be there but my biggest advice is to talk don’t let it bottle up inside you.
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The dark cloud of depression on 06:32 - Jul 20 with 2461 views
Op - you been very brave to reach out but the first step is always the hardest and by the number of posters replying, hope you can gain the first seeds of comfort that will kickstart your recovery.
Meds can work. Exercise too and in my case the demon drink ie giving up or going easy with it.
But talking whether to therapist, over phone to a helpline or opening up safely online which you already done and got lot positive responses and many decent rangers fans saying "been there, done it, got the t shirt."
Recovery doesn't happen overnight but it is always possible even when it may seem not.
Lockdown been a trial for many.
I said my girlfriend after watching first rangers game televised after long break without sport, that watching rangers was most stressed out I been since lockdown.
It's a flippant comment but at least for long while it appeals rangers could alleviate some of the pain. Even for short period.
But yes totally get what you saying.
Well done though for opening up absolutely
Too many men ignore their emotions and keep it within. It never really works that way.
I actually work in mental health for last few years but I personally actually still surprised by how many on here replied. It's very encouraging as talking things out is first steps to feeling and having a happier life long term.
Depression is a pain in the wotsit but recovery is always possible even when it seems hopeless.
You will get there. You have reached out and proud of rangers boys response.
Massive respect to everyone who has posted on here. There will no doubt be others who don't feel able or want to talk about their depression but reading others' stories may well help. This will also contribute to erasing the stigmatisation of something that so many experience.
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The dark cloud of depression on 06:35 - Jul 20 with 2460 views
The dark cloud of depression on 02:35 - Jul 20 by QPR_Jim
When my partner was on medication it made her feel worse before she felt better. She had a similar experience with the counselling, initially it was focused on CBT which she didn't like (although I think that was down to her mindset at the time because it did teach her some useful tools for coping) but she changed counselors and in time has got better.
Anyway the point of all that is to say try to be patient, you've done the hard part in asking for help and talking to people about what you're going through. Try not to let slow progress get you down even more. There's a lot of good advice in this thread and many different things that can help, so don't give up hope.
Absolutely this.
And if you're feeling doubts that you can get better, try and remember that that's part of the illness. It makes you feel more negative than you normally would and it also makes things seem harder because even the smallest things seem like too much effort. But if you can start doing the slightest things - seeing a counsellor, going to the GP, doing a walk every day, keeping a gratitude journal(where you write down three things to be grateful for every day, which can be as simple as saying the sun shone today or I enjoyed my dinner) - you can start to see a shift.
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The dark cloud of depression on 07:02 - Jul 20 with 2434 views
I'll also add to what other have said about a healthy diet and knocking alcohol on the head. Both of those things, coupled with plenty of exercise and sport (I'll repeat, golf is superb. Never in my life have I found something so relaxing and therapeutic, particularly for the mind - you against the course, everything else gets forgotten for those 3 or 4 hours), were a great help to me. So much so that I chose to go from a low dose SSRI (sertraline) to a very low dose without the doc suggesting it (although he said it's a good thing), and may take myself off it completely in due course (subject to all these BS restrictions not returning and sending me backwards).
At the end of the day, if you can find something which gets you 'out of the hole' then once you are outside of it looking back in nothing is anywhere near as bad as it seemed when you were in it.
In summary, I'd recommend no alcohol, healthy diet, plenty of exercise and/or sport, perhaps some CBT, and also pop along to your doc to tell him/her you are struggling at the moment (he/she can advise on CBT and meds).
Also have a think about some things in life you'd like to do or achieve then set about doing it/achieving it.
It is interesting that I have been on both sides, in a way. Perhaps not so much in the depression side but I think we all have bouts, whether significant or minor. However, in one of my previous jobs at a university in Oz I had a room to myself and a few fellow employees or post grad students would come to me to just talk, privately. Most were female, just to say that this afflicts everyone, but some were also male students. What I am saying is that, although we can get out an exercise as everyone has rightly suggested, having someone to talk to and get it off your chest is worth so much as well. Whether that be someone professional or just someone you feel comfortable to confide with, chat.
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The dark cloud of depression on 07:28 - Jul 20 with 2407 views
All the advice here is really good. I find medication helps for me and have had it for a couple of years now. It forces the GP to talk with me about it every 6 months or so and I've had additional counselling following those discussions.
Exercise is important but be careful - if you don't exercise the expectation to can cause more pressure. The advice to get outside is really usefu;.
WindsorR - I'm an old-fashioned bloke, things have happened in my past that I haven't told my wife or friends about and I doubt I ever will, which can affect my mood and knock-on to others around me. Anyway, for those of you who have bared perceived weaknesses, I admire your bravery . I reckon you've taken an important first step, mate. Good luck.
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The dark cloud of depression on 07:55 - Jul 20 with 2370 views
Love what someone said about joining a choir. Find something you enjoy. For you.
Advice on here is great, I have suffered on and off with depression since I was 17 and can relate to a lot of the posts.
I hope you find peace of mind it will come, try different techniques - CBT, one on one, the Samaritans are a wonderful organisation to talk to day and night.
Try mindfulness the feeling of emptiness is a horrible emotion and mindfulness is actually about emptying your mind and de cluttering your head and is worth trying.
Don’t be hard on yourself Windsor if you have tough days. At my lowest point I would burst into tears in a random shop and even knocked on a Priests house for someone to talk to. He told me to come back later!
There are a lot of guardian angels out there mate you don’t have to look far to find them.
Wishing you and anyone else suffering strength and love.
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The dark cloud of depression on 08:06 - Jul 20 with 2356 views
The dark cloud of depression on 23:53 - Jul 19 by 80s_Boy
Can I just add to this excellent post by saying that you don't need to be feeling suicidal to call the Samaritans. If you just need someone to talk to they're always happy to speak to you.
As has been mentioned here a good therapist or just a support group is essential. It's important to speak with others in the same position, or do something different, join a pottery or painting class. I've found that a creative writing course can help a lot, and can be done, if necessary, over a video link. Also, In my opinion, it is important to change routine, I've started doing qigong about a year now. Drop the negative crap. I've stopped all social media over the last four years and have even stopped watching TV in the last two. I find positive uplifting documentaries on YouTube to watch. This all probably isn't for you. Just remember that you are not the only one, and through positivity we can all see a better day and get through the dark times. Take care of yourself.
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The dark cloud of depression on 08:36 - Jul 20 with 2326 views
I'd put another tick in the physical exercise box, it made a big difference for me, but as E17 says don't then turn that into another thing to whip yourself for if you meant to go for a run today but didn't manage it.
I've found in lockdown setting yourself a realistic list of goals/things to do for the day has been userful. It makes you get up, which is often the hardest part, stops you just lying there and wallowing, and gives you some sense of accomplishment. Though, again, if you don't complete the list for whatever reason, it doesn't matter, don't beat yourself up over it, it's just a mechanism.
Think really carefully about anything in particular that triggers you. For me lately it's been alcohol, and specifically the day after alcohol, and social media. I see for a lot of people on here it's work, which I've experienced in the past. If you can pinpoint triggers it helps you avoid them, and don't do that thing when you deliberately go to your trigger because you enjoy beating yourself up (I'll sometimes go and look at what the accounts I blocked are saying about me, completely undoing the good work of the block).
Most of all, as others have said, give yourself a break. I did counselling for a bit, a lot of leftover stuff from my horrible teens as it turns out, and one of the things she pointed out was that I referred to myself as an idiot six or seven times in any one 45 minute session. You're fine, you're doing great, stop hammering yourself.
Whack your postcode in this website and find somebody to talk to...
I don’t think I’ve ever been totally 100% happy in my adult life but a few months ago after if anything thriving or at least being fine in lockdown started declining mentally and beating myself up about where I am in life in various respects despite having a perfectly comfortable existence and not having it anywhere close to as tough as most do.
Having a mix of bad and worse days for now and even good things like the Euros and seeing friends aren’t genuinely fun as that feeling is always in the back of my head. Really drifted through the Euros when it should have been a hugely enjoyable month.
Absolutely +1 for exercise and counselling. I don’t honestly see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but it helps me appreciate one is there.
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The dark cloud of depression on 08:57 - Jul 20 with 2267 views
Hold on. As REM sang “Everybody hurts sometimes”. My 21 year old nephew recently took his own life after leaving a note saying he felt worthless. Over a thousand people watched his memorial service which gives you some indication of how many lives we all affect even at such a young age.
Good on you for talking about it. You’re very brave and we are all here for you - your hoops family 😘
The dark cloud of depression on 08:36 - Jul 20 by Northernr
It'sa great thread, some really sound advice.
I'd put another tick in the physical exercise box, it made a big difference for me, but as E17 says don't then turn that into another thing to whip yourself for if you meant to go for a run today but didn't manage it.
I've found in lockdown setting yourself a realistic list of goals/things to do for the day has been userful. It makes you get up, which is often the hardest part, stops you just lying there and wallowing, and gives you some sense of accomplishment. Though, again, if you don't complete the list for whatever reason, it doesn't matter, don't beat yourself up over it, it's just a mechanism.
Think really carefully about anything in particular that triggers you. For me lately it's been alcohol, and specifically the day after alcohol, and social media. I see for a lot of people on here it's work, which I've experienced in the past. If you can pinpoint triggers it helps you avoid them, and don't do that thing when you deliberately go to your trigger because you enjoy beating yourself up (I'll sometimes go and look at what the accounts I blocked are saying about me, completely undoing the good work of the block).
Most of all, as others have said, give yourself a break. I did counselling for a bit, a lot of leftover stuff from my horrible teens as it turns out, and one of the things she pointed out was that I referred to myself as an idiot six or seven times in any one 45 minute session. You're fine, you're doing great, stop hammering yourself.
Whack your postcode in this website and find somebody to talk to...
totally agree about beating yourself up... When I spoke to my doctor I told him that I felt really guilty about being so down when there are soo many people out there in a much worse situation than me. Thinking about though it can affect anyone. I was shocked to read last month that Naomi Osaka has been suffering bouts of depression since 2018... It can literally affect anyone.
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The dark cloud of depression on 09:57 - Jul 20 with 2200 views
The dark cloud of depression on 08:57 - Jul 20 by Hooparoo
Hold on. As REM sang “Everybody hurts sometimes”. My 21 year old nephew recently took his own life after leaving a note saying he felt worthless. Over a thousand people watched his memorial service which gives you some indication of how many lives we all affect even at such a young age.
Good on you for talking about it. You’re very brave and we are all here for you - your hoops family 😘
Very sorry to hear that Hoopaoo.
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The dark cloud of depression on 10:10 - Jul 20 with 2188 views
The dark cloud of depression on 08:57 - Jul 20 by Hooparoo
Hold on. As REM sang “Everybody hurts sometimes”. My 21 year old nephew recently took his own life after leaving a note saying he felt worthless. Over a thousand people watched his memorial service which gives you some indication of how many lives we all affect even at such a young age.
Good on you for talking about it. You’re very brave and we are all here for you - your hoops family 😘
So sorry to hear that Hooparoo, what a terrible waste. If this thread helps just one person to seek help before it all becomes too much to bear, then it's served its purpose. Well done Windsor.
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The dark cloud of depression on 10:19 - Jul 20 with 2166 views
The dark cloud of depression on 09:04 - Jul 20 by Rs_Holy
totally agree about beating yourself up... When I spoke to my doctor I told him that I felt really guilty about being so down when there are soo many people out there in a much worse situation than me. Thinking about though it can affect anyone. I was shocked to read last month that Naomi Osaka has been suffering bouts of depression since 2018... It can literally affect anyone.
This is a good talk about self talk - the effects negative self talk has on ourselves and how to overcome it.
Hooparoo how sad about your nephew. I'm so sorry. It's another reminder that we should all reach out when we need help.
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The dark cloud of depression on 10:23 - Jul 20 with 2159 views
I'm not qualified to offer advice, but I can certainly talk about my depression & hopefully this will be of some help. I will also say what has helped me, but I'm sure others have needed different "cures".
It was in the early 2000's that I accepted that I was a sufferer, although I now realise that I have been since 1967 at least. In my heart I thnk I may have had the illness since birth! Peopler, especially boyhood friends often remark about my excellent memory from my childhood. They are wrong! What I remember is everything negative that happened to me & I can't recall anything positive!
I memtion 1967 because in May that year, one week before my 15th birthday, my sister died in a car crash in Yugoslavia. It was not until this century that I talked about this properly & openly, although I'm sure I still held back some of my deeper feelings. I still miss you Pat.
Fast forward to 2004 & I'm a self employed pub stocktaker driving close to 50,000 miles a year. One day I had just had enough. I don't mean that I was suicidal, but I couldn't face the work any longer & stopped working the same day. It took me nearly six months rest before I was able to start making the simplest decisions for myself. I recall once that after about 30 minutes deliberation with myself, I talked myself into going for a walk. Some time later I reached the top of our drive. Do I turn right or left? Hold on, within a minute I will then have to ask the same question! The answer? Go back indoors & stare at the television! Anyhow, with the help of medication I got through this period.
I got through the next few years with some lows (obviously not depressed!) until 2012 when depression really came to bite. This was the first time I completely accepted that I was depressed (2004 was an abberation) & I'm back on the medication, attnd courses & finally councelling. This certainly helped & I thought I was repaired.
That is until 2015 came calling, a truly horrible year for my wife & myself. I had a further course of councilling (I've never met anyone else who was allowed two free courses on the NHS) & this time I poured my feelings out in their entirity. Since then I've not got close to dropping into the hole, but that doesn't mean I'm cured!
The important factors for me are:-
Accepting that you have the illness. This is far harder than many realise
Admit the problem to your family, friends & employers. You don't need to go into details unless you wish to. The support I received was life changing!
Find someone or more than one person to talk to. This was not family for me, as to this day I can't ask them to be my confessor as I'm scared of hurting them. My second councillor was immense, as have a few trusted people I know. You don't need to be close to them, but you definitely need to know that they will not betray uyour heart pourings. Personally, I found I can be far more honest with females than males, but that won't be the case for everyone.
At this stage, you should be able to recognise when you are feeling low. This is the most important factor in my fight with depression. That is provided you act on it & not allow the pit to open up & swallow you!
Best wishes to you Windsor & all fellow sufferers.
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The dark cloud of depression on 10:45 - Jul 20 with 2126 views
Lots of good stuff on this thread. As everyone is different not all of them will work for everybody so allow yourself to have some not work for you.
Exercise has been mentioned a lot because it really helps a lot of people. Getting out into the fresh air at least once a day can help, especially when it's sunny (sunshine and vitamin D can help). Eating healthy can be a boost if you don't already. Supplements like St John's Wort or Ashwagandha are said to have mild mood-boosting qualities.
Lots of people swear by a gratitude diary; at the end of the day write down three things that day that were a positive. Doesn't have to be big picture stuff, can be "Only hit one red light on the drive home", "nearly missed a programme I wanted to watch but remembered just as it was starting", "Dropped the toast and it landed butter side up". Anything that made life a bit better.
Don't beat yourself up about how you feel, it's not your fault and as this thread showed, you are far, far from alone. When the feelings start, sometimes you'll beat them, sometimes you won't, but don't stop trying.
I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.
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The dark cloud of depression on 11:00 - Jul 20 with 2090 views
It's great to see so many responses on this topic, one which I have been under on and off for the last 25 years or so. A result of a mixture of a terrible marriage and the resultant separation and protracted divorce, redundancy, unemployment, the loss of my father, new job with an absolute abhorrent manager, unemployment again and COVID-19. All over the last 8 years. I have tried CBT, been on and off meds, tried hypnotherapy and talking therapy.
What works for me is the "one day at a time" mantra and switching negative self-talk to positive talk. I became mindful of what I was saying to myself and started questioning why I was saying the things I said - I wouldn't say them to my closest friend, why was I saying them to myself? My therapist asked me to think of what soothed me and this, for me, would be music (Shout out to the Frankie Friday Thread!!), spending quality time with my new partner and getting outside. I have had to find the right solution for me as I believe there is not a one size fits all solution. Hated being on meds and have recently finished a phased withdrawal.
I hope that I have learnt to identify my triggers and manage these accordingly and I am very grateful to have a very understanding partner who has been through the same thing which has helped immensely.
What I have found comforting is the knowledge that I am not the only one going through this, it just hasn't been talked about much in the past and was always regarded as a weakness.
A great post and the OP is to be applauded for being so brave, difficult to start the conversation, easier to join in.
I wish everyone that has gone through, is going through this debilitating illness peace of mind, stability and happiness in whatever shape it comes.
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The dark cloud of depression on 11:12 - Jul 20 with 2072 views
Good on you for having the courage to reach out for help WindsorR, and I'm so proud to see the response from the LFW family to a mate in need.
I echo all that has been said on here about finding a qualified person to speak with about how you feel, the value of finding purpose in your day (see Northern's post) and exercise. I personally have benefited greatly from ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy ) a variation/evolution of CBT, but finding what fits for you is worth the effort.
There was a point in time where I got so low that i was scared of going to bed; I knew that if i did that I'd be kept awake by the worry about not being able to sleep...and the cycle fed the exhaustion which fed the fear.
Talking about this with a psychologist was a huge weight off my shoulders and she explained my thought processes to me, reassuring me there was nothing 'wrong' with me as such, and offering different perspectives and approaches to dealing with my thoughts.
Good luck on your journey mate, if nothing else this thread will have shown that you are not alone.
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The dark cloud of depression on 11:21 - Jul 20 with 2055 views
The dark cloud of depression on 10:10 - Jul 20 by hook_hoops
So sorry to hear that Hooparoo, what a terrible waste. If this thread helps just one person to seek help before it all becomes too much to bear, then it's served its purpose. Well done Windsor.
He was an award winning photographer and no one saw it coming. We need to start having a conversation about these “taboos” so we can remind people that they are loved and appreciated.
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