| More to life 08:17 - Aug 14 with 30872 views | mart_Goblin |
Monday the 10th August was supposed to be a new adventure and an exciting new chapter in my family’s life. After a whole summer of huge stress looking for a new place to rent and having no joy due to legislation that came in on May 1st that was supposed to help renters , but actually crippled us and our individual financial situation, we had finally found somewhere to call home .
This was turned on its head whilst loading the 3rd van load of stuff from old flat to new, when my beautiful wife had a catastrophic stroke.
It’s hard to describe that feeling of helplessness and terror that you feel when this happens to a loved one and hard to comprehend the terror they must be feeling .
It was a major bleed on the brain. But when we went in on Tuesday to see her in the acute stroke unit. She greeted us with a smile and asked “I’ve been waiting for you, where have you been?”
She had no movement in her left arm and her speech was mumbled and quiet but you could just about understand her.
I left on Tuesday feeling happier and upbeat that she will be ok.
When we arrived Wednesday she was completely different.
She barely acknowledged us . She couldn’t open her eyes .
She remained asleep .
Yesterday morning I was called to the hospital urgently.
She’d had another stroke, this time a blood clot .
She was rushed to Charing Cross to have life saving surgery .
We got to see her briefly late last night as she was placed in an induced coma.
Next week will be her 49th birthday .
This post isn’t about sympathy. It’s mainly about 3 things.
Firstly , myself, my step daughter and my wife’s mother have a large support unit of wonderful family and friends . But somehow writing things down to me is therapeutic and lets me get some of this out of me in a way that I can’t explain . I don’t really do social media . Odd Instagram post but I’ve given up on it really. So this board and network feels like a sort of home to me .
Which leads me to point 2.
Life is more important than bickering about Nourry, Sir Les, Mbengue, Paul Smyth or whoever .
It just doesn’t matter on the grand scale of things . We all share different views so don’t get to irate and angry with each other .
On the flip side , this club really really important to some people . Rangers are a lifeblood to many .
So , if this IS your passion then we should all try to understand that too . This is a great board full of insight and different people, spearheaded by one of the best football writers in the land .
Apparently it’s taken some pot shots from other people recently.
Defend this board . It’s played an important role in all our lives to some degree .
And lastly , I need to learn and start gathering info on how on Earth I come to terms with what’s happened and the future , whatever that is , that lies ahead for us as a family .
The process of trying to help the paralysis on her left side is now secondary. It’s now about keeping her alive . Some of you must have gone through similar or know people who have, so any advice or knowledge that can be passed over will be a lot of help to me . I’ll be given leaflets and phone numbers , I know . But hearing real accounts , however good or bad will help just as much to how I go forward . DM me if you’d rather .
I will check later to see if there have been any advice given in reply to this but I’m not really thinking about Rangers right now.
Late last night as I trudged sorrowfully around Sainsburys, buying stuff just for myself which in itself broke my heart , a guy stopped me (I had a QPR top on of sorts) and he wanted to talk about last Saturday. I politely explained that I was busy preparing to move home so didn’t go and briefly told him what happened since .
This guy stood and chatted to me about his own health issues , how he knows what I’m going through and offering a hand of friendship he offered to be there if I needed him.
Never met him before . But our link was this wonderful club .
That’s the bond . So have opinions and have them with passion , but never forgot that we are in this together. QPR fans .
So thanks Eddie. You gave me hope when I felt like I had none .
Mart
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| More to life on 08:29 - Aug 14 with 13445 views | MancR |
Can’t believe you have managed to put this together at this time.
All the very best to your wife and family x |  | | |
| More to life on 08:36 - Aug 14 with 13393 views | Snipper |
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Mart. I hope your wife makes a complete recovery.
I’ll say a prayer for you all. ❤️❤️ |  | | |
| More to life on 08:44 - Aug 14 with 13325 views | slmrstid |
I'm so sorry Mart for what's happened. No practical experience I'm afraid but you all have my very, very best wishes X |  | | |
| More to life on 08:48 - Aug 14 with 13284 views | colinallcars |
Best wishes and a salute from me. |  | | |
| More to life on 08:51 - Aug 14 with 13267 views | MoonshineSteve |
Can't say anything that will help but stay strong and keep moving forward. Sending good vibes. Best wishes. |  |
| I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham. |
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| More to life on 08:51 - Aug 14 with 13265 views | BristolR |
Bloody hell Mart, so sorry to read that, genuinely brought tears to my eyes.
I have no directly relatable experience but just wanted to add my support and love to you and your family.
Stay strong mate xx |  | | |
| More to life on 08:53 - Aug 14 with 13251 views | dmm |
Mart, I think I'll be among many on here who has no advice to give but whose heart goes out to you, and will be thinking of you. If it helps, please keep on posting and we'll read and respond. |  | | |
| More to life on 08:58 - Aug 14 with 13217 views | 1BobbyHazell |
I am so sorry to hear about that Mart. Your words have moved me to tears.
I don't have any specific advice but I will say having had a relative with health issues how incredible the NHS staff are and what amazing help and support they provide.
For what it's worth I have always thought you an excellent contributor to this board.
Sending you, your wife and your family all the love in the world. X [Post edited 14 Aug 8:59]
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| More to life on 09:01 - Aug 14 with 13182 views | CroydonCaptJack |
So very sorry to hear that Mart.
I sincerely hope your wife comes out of that coma and starts to recover. I have two friends who have had strokes in the last 2 years. Both have managed to recover to the degree that they are leading fulfilling lives again. |  |
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| More to life on 09:04 - Aug 14 with 13179 views | Superhoops2808 |
All the best to you and your family
I have had family affected by strokes, but think there are better professional people to give you advice and help than me waffling on. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:26 - Aug 14 with 13050 views | BklynRanger |
You couldn't have titled that better, Mart - this puts my worries and stresses of this week in such clear perspective, so thank you for that alone.
My dad had a similar thing at a similar age. He was able to recover and lead his life, but it was years ago and I won't try to compare or give advice. What you are going through is many people's (including mine) worst nightmare, and the fact that you're still standing and still thanking people for the their kindness speaks volumes for you.
All the best to you both mate. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:30 - Aug 14 with 13012 views | StreathamRanger |
I can't be of any help but wanted to add my best wishes for you and your family during this difficult time. This club is one big family and we will all be thinking of you and sending positive vibes. | | | |
| More to life on 09:40 - Aug 14 with 12945 views | Myke |
Mart, I am so sorry to hear this news, it must be devastating for you and your family. A couple of years ago (actually the day before Dunne scored THAT goal v Birmingham), my wife suffered a mini-stroke. She was 55 at the time and thankfully she has made a full recovery but I can relate somewhat to that sense of terror and helplessness that you experienced at the time. I cannot give you much advice except lean heavily on those that love you and your wife. People are funny in times of crisis, they want to help but don’t always know how, so reach out to your loved ones and they will respond in spades. Take all the professional support you can get.Don’t be surprised if some of it seems a little ‘cold’, it is their job to remain emotionally detached in order to give your wife the best possible care and you the best possible advice. Don’t forget that your ‘second family’ is right here and ready to listen to all your worries and fears. I wish you, your wife and family the very best at this extremely difficult time. | | | |
| More to life on 09:41 - Aug 14 with 12940 views | Nushnool |
All the best to you and your family, Mart. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:43 - Aug 14 with 12915 views | hook_hoops |
Dear Mart, I am so sorry to hear this and I can only wish your wife well in her recovery. Love to you and your family at this awful time. And thanks for writing so movingly about what this board means to so many people. I hope you can find some comfort in the many messages of empathy and support you will receive. | | | |
| More to life on 09:43 - Aug 14 with 12924 views | GaryBannister86 |
Mart, I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no clever words or advice, just to let you know that we are thinking of you. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:47 - Aug 14 with 12894 views | PinnerR |
All my best wishes to you. My partner had a serious stroke at the age of 43. At one stage the doctors were concerned for her survival. Now, 20 years later, she is a proud grandmother of two girls and enjoying life. Keep strong. Your family, including this one here, will see you through. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:48 - Aug 14 with 12887 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Sad reading. In my experience fella, and God knows I've had enough: take it just one day at a time!
And no matter how much shit that day heaps on you, ALWAYS try to find a bit of time for you. Even if it's just 5 minutes. That's not being selfish, it's self-preservation. A cuppa, read a book, whatever, just you. Second, try and find one thing that makes you happy: a smile, a hug, a picture, a joke that makes you laugh.
Whatever happens....you'll get there in the end. In the meantime, big hug and remember:. LFW is always there at these times...never feel shy or ashamed to use it when you need a pick-me-up. [Post edited 14 Aug 10:05]
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| More to life on 09:49 - Aug 14 with 12879 views | w7r |
Mart, I can't offer you any advice, all I can offer is my thoughts and prayers for you, your wife and family. |  | | |
| More to life on 09:50 - Aug 14 with 12854 views | ParkStreetRanger |
Very sorry to hear that. All best wishes to you, your wife and the family. | | | |
| More to life on 10:02 - Aug 14 with 12786 views | francisbowles |
Mart, my very best wishes from one R to another R.
As well as ensuring that your wife gets the best care and best chance of recovery, please remember your own health. You must be in shock at the sudden terrible effect on your family's lives. Take care to talk to your GP or someone, to help you to stay strong throughout the difficult days that lie ahead.
Please, whenever you feel like it, come on here whether to post about your life or just to chat sh1te like we usually all do. | | | |
| More to life on 10:02 - Aug 14 with 12786 views | silky |
An incredibly brave post Mart and we all wish your wife health and happiness going forwards. Thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
Thought it's worth mentioning that although trials in humans is limited, there is evidence that high dose Psychedelics can be one of the best methods of treatment for brain injuries through the 5HT2A brain receptors that can cause neuroplasticity (child like learning and brain repair and rewiring). It's definitely worth looking into.
https://youtube.com/shorts/RPs
All the best to you mate. One ❤️ |  |
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| More to life on 10:03 - Aug 14 with 12768 views | rbee |
So sorry to read this Mart, such a shock. Please keep writing on here keeping us informed of your wife's recovery.
Important to look yourself as well as your wife needs a strong and healthy Mart by her side. |  | | |
| More to life on 10:08 - Aug 14 with 12718 views | Metallica_Hoop |
Absolutely horrific to read about that Mart.
Wishing your wife all the very, very best wishes. |  |
| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| More to life on 10:14 - Aug 14 with 12679 views | numptydumpty |
Crikey Mart - that is so so difficult to deal with for you especially and all your family too. My heart goes out to you and I do sincerely hope your wife pulls through and makes a full recovery.
There is a national charity called Stroke Association. I volunteered for them for a few months, back in 2016, when was out of paid work for a period.
They had Stroke Co-ordinators who ran self help groups for the people themselves affected and also for partners or close family members. They used to visit people in hospital and show ways and techniques for people to increase their chances of recovering fully from paralysis etc. They have an online community and have local offices up and down the country. They can help with possibly linking up to financial assistance also if needs be now I believe.
Anyhow, there is a lot on their website.
https://www.stroke.org.uk
This part of the website shows a variety of different ways they can help.
https://www.stroke.org.uk/stro
It can help a little, being around others facing similar circumstances whether in person or online. Can understand it feels extra difficult when it can feel a very isolating situation to deal with.
And yes, QPR, Nourry, Smyth falling over is all absolutely completely totally irrelevant when these things happen. Am as guilty as anyone for over reacting on here and in the scheme of things, it all means absolutely diddly squat in all reality.
The main thing though Mart, I seriously hope your wife makes a full recovery as soon as. Absolutely, one hundred percent, wishing you all well. [Post edited 14 Aug 10:18]
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